- We're here to watch something,
I have been avoiding
like the plague for the last few weeks.
(upbeat dance music)
- "Love Island!"
We're going to watch "Love Island!"
We're going to watch people fall in love on an island.
It's very juicy.
Oh my God.
- As far as I can tell people
go to an island and then they fuck.
- I think they eliminate the single people.
How's that fair?
- (laughter)
- [Voiceover] Welcome to Paradise.
- Oh geez.
- Yeah, buzzin! (indistinct)
- Oy, let's go on (indistinct)
- The voiceover is already too much cause even back in the
in the days of "Big Brother"
the voiceover was purposely monotonous.
- I know it looks like a good time,
but that just makes me go "no".
- I love the pink lens flares that are totally put in
not in post.
- How do ya have to get in a couple?
- So you have to get in a couple whether
you like the person or not.
It's all a game, but at the same time
you're there looking for love.
- I love that they weren't musical performers,
they just went...
- The biggest word that I've ever used,
Don't really know.
Don't really use big words.
- Marmalade's a pretty big word.
- Do ya like marmalade?
- No.
- They're all dummies?
They're all like, I can't wait to be
on "Love Island" to get at least three people inside of me.
Like, is that like going to be the vibe?
- I love that everything is their Instagram.
- Yeah, yeah
- everything.
It's how we look.
Doesn't matter what's in here or here.
Look at my face.
- They're all pretty girls.
I'll give that to them anyway.
- My ex-fiance of five years leaving me last year.
- Just woke up one day and just said, fuck off.
- I'm Dani, from Essex.
And I work as a barmaid.
- And I talk like I'm in distress.
- I love her!
Dani is my absolute favorite.
- The floor is their Instagram.
- This is like your heaven.
- I am a fully fledged member of the mile high club.
Like 'welcome everyone.'
Join me.
- Who are you (indistinct) talk about
My name is Laura.
I fuck people on planes.
- [Voiceover] So the ladies have landed.
- Well, all right.
- I despise these people.
- He's got such a good personality.
He's a little master.
And like, he's obviously good looking as well.
- Are they just meeting for the first time right now?
- Yeah, so the girl has to step forward
if she finds him attractive,
and then he has to pick which one he wants to get
with.
- It's a Tinder in real life.
- This is kind of like how you choose a college course.
Let's find your perfect career out of these six.
- I (indistinct) it for myself.
Why didn't I step forward?
I'm fuckin stupid.
- So he picked the one person who stepped forward.
- But what if he picks one that didn't step forward?
it's kinda rippy.
- It is kinda rippy.
- I am (indistinct) pretty busy, A&E shift.
- He's a doctor.
- He's a doctor!
- Everyone's works (indistinct) with this guy.
They're all like, why is there a doctor on there?
Like, that's so crazy.
There's a doctor on here.
- Cause his dad owns the hospital.
There's no way.
He just, he doesn't actually treat them.
- Like he's so cute!
- How'd he get the time off work?
- If you fancy Alex, please step forward.
- I will take
- Nobody.
- One step backwards.
- Awkward!
They don't like you, it doesn't matter.
Let's force someone on you instead.
That sounds like a treat.
- I choose Niall.
Surprise!
- I do fancy you, I was joking.
- Yeah, sure you did Laura, whatever.
- Laura, how you feeling?
- Yeah, good!
- Oh!
- Look at the abs on him.
You can chalk cheese off that.
- Oh, forky abs.
- I'm Wes.
I'm a design engineer in the electrical
and the nuclear industry.
- That he's, must be the cunt that designed
the Samsung phone design that exploded,
Because the guy can't even talk.
- You look like you're about to punch the screen.
- I don't like this show.
- Oh!
- Oh, he just got extra rejected!
- [Caroline] Wow, Alex, how does that make you feel?
- It's not been the best start, but it can get better.
- It's not the best start,
But if any of these people need a tracheotomy.
- Worst case, I'll just stab myself in the throat.
- Oh, that was sore to watch.
- He's the doctor.
- I'm a doctor, but I got no pecs,
so I'm a piece of shit apparently.
- This is cunt island.
(laughter)
- Oh, I hate this dude.
- I'm Eyal, I'm 22.
- And I don't like fuckin with a condom.
- I inspire people.
I try and show the truth about life and my life.
- (deep breaths) whoa
- Oh,
Tree!
- Of course, the girls just see a good looking,
curly headed boy.
- They're lining up for him.
Now, who does he have to pick?
- Who can I picture my tongue down their throat with?
I'm gonna step forward.
- Alex is gonna win the whole thing, isn't he?.
- Who is?
- Alex.
- Who's Alex?
- (laughter)
- And there, she's the last girl who didn't get picked.
- That's what I mean.
There's no more fellas, is there?.
- So, she has to go with Alex then.
- Seems a shame to complicate things.
- So there's an extra person.
- Ooh, it's Shangela.
- I don't even think he's good looking
because he's too good looking.
Do you know when a man is too good looking?
He's not good looking anymore.
- My name's Adam.
I'm a personal trainer and I've got wide balls.
- Cause in 24 hours, Adam will be coupling up
with one of your girls.
- What?
- [Caroline] Leaving one of you single and vulnerable.
- That didn't sound like they had much of a choice.
- Single and vulnerable, because if you're alone, fuck you.
- Oh, it's cool.
It's small talk, the TV show.
- This is where it turns into the "Big Brother" for me now.
You're just listening to randoms on a show you like
- So I was with my ex for five years
- Why would you stay with your ex for five years?
- They're actually scheming at the hot tub?
What's your plan?
You gonna lay it on thick, whatever the fuck that means.
- What's like, your ideal like bird that you're proper fans?
- Yeah, what's your type?
- I'm completely open.
Cause like you need to have a bit chat with someone
I've got to steal one of your birds, really, haven't I?
- Yeah
- He's 20, I think.
- [Male] How old are you right now?
- How old are you right now?
You don't need to say right now.
- Oh
- She's basically like, pick me!
- What, you talking to my girl, are ya?
- Can I have a quick chat?
Sorry, I'm not, like, trying to interrupt.
- No, no, no
- Rawr
- Why doesn't he just blast him?
(laughter)
- I really like Adam, but I don't know if it's
just looks.
- Well, yeah
- Is it just looks?
- We're all standing here half naked.
Is it just looks?
Hmm.
- Rubbing oil on his abs,
I just don't know if it's just the looks.
- When does the fingering start?
- They must have some strength
in the head to be able to deal with a show like that man.
- Like, and these two seem to get on really well.
- I just want the opportunity to show you like
all my layers and that.
- All my layers and that?
I've got loads of layers.
I'm like an onion.
- It's like a lot of people learning to talk
for the first time.
- Oh, he just was like, yeah, cool.
Yeah, see you later man.
- Will you get off and let me swipe in?
- Oh wow.
He just got up and ran away.
- It's kind of like a wildlife documentary.
- I was just gonna say.
It's like, it's like the pride and who's the lead pride
in the lion.
- The shark moves in.
- The time has come for you to choose which girl
you want a couple up with.
I've tried to get to know all of you one by one.
The girl that I have decided to couple up with.
I think that the conversations that I've had
she's a good person.
So the girl I want to couple up with is
- Myself.
- Kendall.
- That is shocking.
I am, I'm doing a shock
- And they were gettin on so well.
- Cry you bitch.
- Did you know that more people applied
to "Love Island" this year than they did
to Cambridge and Oxford combined?
85,000 people applied to "Love Island."
- I'm addicted to it now.
- People have said like, oh, it's a guilty pleasure.
And you should feel guilty.
- I'm like, no, I don't want him to go.
I don't want her to be in there.
I want everyone to stay the same.
- Killing them off like "Game of Thrones'" characters.
- I don't know ya, I just think, if I wanted to subscribe
like would a guy subscribe with me?
- Don't know how I feel, like, she makes my ding dong hard.
- You know what else can be hard?
The notification bell.
Subscribe.