(energetic guitar music)
- It's Set List: Stand-Up Without a Net,
Live at NerdMelt Los Angeles!
(audience hooting)
(energetic drum and base music)
- This guy, he got me.
He surprised me with his camera on my burp.
Fart and kinda do whatever I want,
and it's gonna be fun.
- You're about to sign and agreement that allows you to--
- Please welcome the never before seen Set List
of John Daly!
- Hey, what's up, I'm John.
I love doing Set List.
(audience laughs)
Hey man,
(audience laughs)
Great job, right?
You come here a lot?
(audience laughs)
Yeah, I like to jog here.
You want me to suck your dick, man?
JK, JK, JK!
(audience laughs)
Not gay.
But...
(audience laughs)
I've always had this fantasy, that
If it is while you're running,
if it's done while you're running,
it's not gay.
(audience laughs)
It's sports!
(audience claps)
Listen, I don't even know what this is gonna look like,
but it's gonna be horrible.
(audience laughs)
And there's gonna be no way to avoid getting hurt
as we try to jog, and 69 at the same time.
(audience laughs)
I got a name for it!
Dick Sucking Runathon
How about Blow Jog?
Great name.
(audience laughs)
Let's go behind this tree.
Alright, no net.
No net.
I dunno if you're dead, of corpse you are.
(audience laughs)
(audience claps)
Let's fucking talk about it.
This fucking, I want an escalator, like...
Y'know what I'm saying, like...
Escalator takes you up, it makes sense.
Like, it makes sense.
It just makes sense, you know, and like...
What's the deal with like, when it's a moving escalator,
but, it just takes you, like, straight...
Is that like for fat people...
We're dry...
And then like, oh my god,
the railings on escalators, right?
Total germ factory, right?
Unless, when they go under, they get washed.
Am I right?
(audience laughs)
Come on...
What's your name?
- Jane.
- Shut up, Jane.
I'm much prettier than you'll ever hope to be.
I'm a pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty, comedienne.
(audience claps)
D'you guys know that, um, you know, like...
So, I'm on Prozac, and like, Zanax, and like, Abilifi.
And I was like, my doctor is like, ever had an Abilifi?
And I was like, yeah.
And the I took it, and like, I stopped getting my period,
and was never horny anymore.
Weird, right?
(audience laughs)
We're dry.
Guys?
Can I get real?
I'm sorry, I know this is a comedy show, but...
My entire family just died,
in a triple murder,
a triple murder-suicide.
(cries) There's a documentary about it on Netflix.
It's called...
It's called Death Trap:
The Story of My Fucking Parents Gettin Slaughered.
Weird, right?
(audience laughs)
Anywarn
Anyway...
I just decided, like, I'd get back up on stage anyway,
cause like, I believe in myself.
I believe in myself, and like,
I'm not gonna let any, like,
any kind of fucking tragedy take me down.
D'you know what I mean?
Is that weird? Right?
(audience laughs)
Alright cockroach...
Now...
come around,
to m'house,
to hang out,
ostensibly with my son, Theo!
Now...
I'm fine with you doing that,
but, you gotta keep it clean,
around the small children.
You got a garbage mouth!
Cockroach, that's what I'm getting at.
I love you.
Appreciate you coming over.
You gotta clean up your act.
You gotta pull up your pants.
(audience laughs)
Gotta pull up your fucking pants.
Man, come on!
Now how's the family?
Oh, I'm sorry.
Oh, that's why you come over so much?
Oh, sorry about that.
Both your parents died? Triple murder?
This comedian I'm teaching comedy classes to...
Same fucking shit every night, bitch.
She is a bitch.
I told her, fun is funny, literally funny.
So what about this? Pft!
She said what?
(microphone thud)
Ohhh.
(audience claps)
Cockroach, would you like a piece of chocolate cake?
No.
It's perfectly fine for breakfast.
(mumbles) eggs and milk!
You get your fucking act together, okay?
And don't Felicia Rashad I was swearing.
I believe that she has special powers!
Isn't Lisa Bonet such a fine piece of ass?
Isn't she nice?
That motherfucker Lenny Kravitz be coming on set!
Tryin' to steal her away from fucking (mumbles).
I put you in this world, I can take you out!
(audience laughs)
So get your act together.
I'm sorry that both of your parents died.
That's Brooklyn, baby!
(audience claps)
Take care.
- What's up man?
- Good stuff. Good stuff out there, great crowd.
- What's up? How's it going?
- That was great.
- Thanks so much.
- Went to new places.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Now there's a road there.
- Yeah (laughs)
- Thank you so much.
- Dude!
- That was hilarious, man.
- This show rules.
(energetic electric guitar music)
(energetic electronic music)