-Hey, guys, whenever I need a pick-me-up,
I go to my main source of spiritual strength --
inspirational quotes posted on Instagram.
So it's time for "#blessed, #inspired."
[ Cheers and applause ]
-#Blessed, #inspired.
[ Laughter ]
-Our first inspirational quote is,
"Love thy neighbor as thyself.
Especially if thy neighbor has Netflix
thou art secretly stealing."
[ Laughter and applause ]
How about this morsel?
[ Laughter ] -Oh.
-"A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.
But if you keep grabbing birds,
you're definitely gonna get banned from the zoo again."
[ Laughter and applause ]
You don't want to be banned from the zoo again.
-Again. -Here's a treasure.
[ Laughter ]
"Each day provides its own gifts.
Like last Tuesday when you saw Kevin from accounting
rollerblading to work and totally biff it."
[ Laughter and applause ]
You shouldn't -- You shouldn't laugh at that!
This is a little blessing.
[ Laughter ] -Oh.
-"The only thing holding you back is your imagination.
Unless your name is Dirk.
Then that's probably holding you back, too.
Sorry, Dirk."
[ Applause ]
[ Laughter ]
Here's a spot of light. [ Laughter ]
"Fall seven times, get up eight.
And then maybe think about laying off
the vodka for a while.
It's 5:00 p.m., bro!
[ Laughter and applause ]
[ Bell rings ]
[ Laughter ]
And now another touch of inspiration.
[ Laughter ]
"If you're feeling overwhelmed,
sometimes you just need to sit down and take a deep breath.
You'll still be overwhelmed,
but at least you're sitting down now."
[ Laughter and applause ]
Here's a make-believe taste of granola.
[ Laughter ]
"It's never too late to do the right thing.
But keep in mind that the Taco Bell drive-in
closes at 1:00 a.m. on weekdays."
[ Laughter and applause ]
-Oh. -Make good choices.
[ Laughter ]
We're down to our last gentle, little nugget.
-Oh. [ Laughter ]
Ew, gross.
-"Creativity is contagious, so put yourself out there.
But the coronavirus is also contagious,
so on second thought, maybe stay inside for a while."
That's all the time we have for "#blessed, #inspired."
Stick around.
We'll be right back with more "Tonight Show."