- I’ll just keep working until my husband comes home from the war.
Boy, he always loved my projects.
- Ma’am, dispatch from the front.
(knocking on door)
- Betsy? Is that you?
- My husband!
(gasping)
- Your blanket kept me warm.
- I thought you were dead!
- I would’ve died without this blanket.
- I married another man!
- What?
(laughing)
- And, scene!
(together) Thank you, thank you.
- What school subject is the fruitiest?
- Gay history.
- Gay math.
- History.
Because it is full of dates.
- What’s gay math?
- Sorta like…
(funny voice) 5 + 7!
(laughing)
- Of the three of us,
who do you suppose is the best at sex?
- Oh my god.
(laughing)
- Ned.
- Yeah.
- True.
- What can I do during this video
to make it up to you
for being the teacher’s pet?
- I want you to write me a nice note.
- (chuckles) Okay.
- Instead of solving a problem.
(Eugene gasps) Instead of solving a problem you desperately want to solve
to showcase your math prowess,
you have to write on that board a beautiful note to Keith Habersberger.
(dramatic tone)
- “Dear Kieth”
- It’s happening!
- “I love you.”
- Say you love him more than math, Ned!
- “Whether high nor drunk, we all know you the most funny.”
(laughing)
- “I saved your life.”
“You need 0.88855 milliliters.”
- Did you just solve the problem in your love letter?
- [Rachel] Yes!
(cheering)
- [Rachel] How did you do that?
- When I first went to Paris,
I was a young boy,
and I was in love
with a much older woman.
I was 7 and she was 35.
- Oh my god!
(laughing)
- Paris is a different place.
(laughing)
- [Zach] Next up, the corset and chemise.
(mispronouncing) She-maise? Chemiss.
- Corset and chem-eese.
I used to be a chemist!
- Now, I’m saying chemise because I think it’s a French word, uh.
- (mispronouncing) Chemiss.
- Alright, let’s do the chim-sit.
- Who, among us, was the most difficult to travel with for two months?
- Okay, let’s think about this.
Can you help me?
What would make someone difficult?
- Slowing us down,
being, you know, getting to the bus late perhaps.
Uh, making us go onstage late,
making us stay there too long by not helping put away the props, the costumes.
It’s a lot of tasks.
The answer is you, Zach.
You were the worst.
(laughing)
- That’s ‘cause science is sexy as fuck.
- Interesting character choice.
(laughing)
- First thing we’re gonna do here is
desegregate the babies!
♫ Daddy gifts ♫
♫ Gifts for your daddy ♫ - [Keith] Here are some gifts
we think would be good for your daddy
or any daddy out there looking for a gift.
♫ Daddy gifts, gifts for your daddy ♫
- Fun wallpaper!
- A poster of his favorite movie!
- A loud pair of pants!
Can he pull them off?
♫ Ooh ♫
- Time with his kids!
- A box of caterpillars!
♫ Ooh ♫
- A nice haircut!
Because he probably hasn’t had one before.
- A heavily pregnant cat!
- Facial cleansing beauty products.
Seriously, he probably needs them.
Like, just a basic moisturizer.
and maybe something with SPF,
and just, like, cleanser or something.
He needs it.
♫ Ooh ♫
- Ooh!
Uh, name a star after him!
- A daddy star. ♫ Star for your daddy ♫
♫ Daddy star ♫
♫ Intergalactic daddy stuff ♫
♫ Wish upon a daddy ♫
- (rapping) Gimme some soap if you can, daddy!
Gimme some soap, you’re a man, daddy!
Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme soap daddy!
Soap, daddy, soap!
This is taking f**king forever.
- Keith?
- No, that’s me.
- Is it?
- Yeah.
- How do you know?
- Why would you say your own name?
- ‘Cause that’s totally canon!
- Keep your balls away from my face!
Keep those nuts away from my face!
Goddamnit!
(laughing)
- He’s not interested in the egg.
- C’mon, Gordo!
C’mon, look it, you’re embarrassing me!
Gordo!
Gordy! C’mon!
Gordo, I’ve got some flesh for you!
Hell yeah.
- He’s smelling the egg.
He’s, oh, he’s playing,
he’s captured the egg!
- What’s he doing?
(laughing)
- C’mon, Gordo!
How could you not come out?
Bring the egg back at least!
Let us see you eat the egg!
- The egg is just in there.
- He’s not even eating the egg.
- Come on!
This is so embarrassing!
You’re supposed to be the devil!
Look it, he’s not even eating the egg!
He just has the egg in there!
Gordo!
A bird’s gonna eat that rabbit!
- It’s okay! It’s okay!
I don’t think birds do that.
- I can’t believe this!
- All you can eat is a fuckin’ potato!
This is like the Irish Famine all over again!
- Pretty sure it’s the exact opposite.
The exact opposite of the Irish Famine.
- They didn’t have potatoes?
- [Rachel] They didn’t have anything but potatoes.
- Zach, that was the famine.
It was a famine on potatoes.
- Mmm.
- They had no potatoes.
- I thought they only had potatoes.
Oh, that means that Wendy’s is dope!
They got potatoes!
(laughing)
We solved the famine!
- This is why I didn’t get the Transformers movie!
I was going to play a lamp!
In Shia LaBeouf’s room!
- What are her trigger words?
- We don’t love you.
(Zach giggles) - It’s Taboo, but only using our video titles.
(together) Try-boo!
(laughing) Try-boo!
- From the beginning,
it was Nessie who wanted me there.
- Nessie?
You nicknamed my daughter after the Loch Ness Monster?
- Oh my god, there’s another one!
Are they dating?
Are they wife and husband or husband and husband?
- They are girls. Two girls.
- Lesbians.
- Yes.
- Lesbian kookaburras?
- Pretty much.
- Awww! Lesbian kookaburras!
- Oh, do you want me to do my Ned impression?
- Yeah.
(possessed by the spirit of Ned)
(Ned chuckles)
- I made a baby with my balls.
(all laughing)
(laughing)
I went to Yale with my body!
(all laughing)
(laughing)
- Twelve.
(Keith laughs)