How often do you feel stuck and frustrated answering English small talk
questions like, how's your day going? How was your weekend?
How was your vacation?
I know these questions seem so simple and yet you might be
thinking Small talk is so uncomfortable,
I never know what to say or it's tricky.
I think I give too many details, or maybe I don't give enough.
Maybe you're even feeling a bit embarrassed right now that it's so challenging
to answer these questions, but the truth is,
small talk in English is tricky if you don't
know its purpose and you don't know some of the basic formulas
English speakers use when giving answers to these common small talk
questions.
Small talk is an essential skill in English.
In fact,
this is one of the reasons why we dedicate time to perfecting small talk.
In my Fluency School course.
I want to share with you some of the same strategies I use with my students.
So today we're going to go over five of the most common small talk questions in
English, the kinds of questions you're going to hear every day,
and with each question I'll highlight a variety of answers,
the kind of answers I would give to these small talk questions.
We'll talk about why some of these answers are successful and how we can
improve some of these answers because they need just a little bit more detail.
And as we go through these questions,
I'll also share with you little tips along the way that you can use with any
small talk question in English.
If this is your first time here, I am Annemarie,
an English confidence and fluency coach.
Everything I do is designed to help you get the confidence you want for your
life and work in English.
If you'd love to get more resources from me on English confidence and Fluency
building,
or if you'd like to get my in-depth How to Say What You Want in English
training, simply go to my website at speakconfidentenglish.com. Now,
before we get to the first of five small talk questions,
I want to take a step back and talk a little bit about the overall purpose of
small talk, what small talk is and isn't.
The reason this is important is when you understand its purpose,
it's much easier to engage in small talk conversation. In fact,
some of this information might even make you feel a bit relieved.
So first small talk is a form of polite
conversation. It's part of our politeness culture in English.
I like to say that small talk is a way to recognize others'
humanity or to recognize that there are other humans in the room with you.
Second, small talk is a form of quick conversation.
It's back and forth. What that means is you say a little,
I say a little, you say a little, I say a little.
There are no lengthy stories or overly complex answers
here. It's just quick exchange, quick conversation,
and everyone's involved. Lastly,
small talk is a way to make an initial connection with someone.
It is not possible to have strong relationships with
coworkers, potential clients, neighbors,
or future friends without first finding some basic
connections, and we do that through small talk.
Small talk is the gateway to meaningful conversations
and deeper connections. With all of that in mind,
here's what small talk isn't. It isn't profound,
lengthy or complicated conversation.
You don't need to worry about using overly advanced vocabulary or
complex grammar structures. Small talk is simple,
quick and easy. I hope you're feeling a little bit relieved.
So now let's get to the five questions we're going to discuss today. First,
how are you or how's your day going? How was your weekend?
How was your vacation?
What do you do in your free time and what are your plans for this weekend?
As I said,
these are probably the five most common small talk
questions ever. So question number one,
how are you or how's your day going? To be honest with you,
I think this might be the trickiest question on the list and here's why.
The question,
how are you has two purposes in English or can be used in
two very different circumstances,
so let's talk a little bit about each one first.
Imagine you're taking a walk in your neighborhood and you see that you're going
to pass by one of your neighbors.
It's clear that both of you are out for some morning exercise.
You're not gonna stop and talk to each other, so what you're likely to hear is,
hi, how are you? Or hey, how's your day going? Hey, how's your morning going?
A response is going to be fine. Thanks you. The other person's going to say,
great, thanks. Have a good day. In that context,
how are you or how's your day going is simply a long greeting.
It is a long form of hello and there's no expectation
of any more information. However,
let's say you are in a Zoom meeting.
It's just you and a coworker,
you're waiting for some of your colleagues to arrive,
or you're waiting for the meeting to start,
and it's clear that you have a few minutes together in that context
simply saying, fine, thanks, and you isn't enough.
Imagine for a moment it's you and I in a meeting and you say,
Annemarie, how's your day going? Fine, thanks. Now what?
Now it's just this weird awkward silence.
We're looking at each other and you have to do the work to find something
else to say, I did not make it very easy for you.
I could add on a little bit and say, fine, thanks, and you,
and then you could say, great, thanks. And again,
we're kind of at the same point. It's just this weird awkward silence.
So here's what we can do instead, rather than simply saying, fine, thanks,
and you,
we can add on one simple detail that
shares a little bit about our day.
Why are we doing fine or what's happening in our life today? What's going on?
Let me give you an example. If you say to me, Annemarie, how's your day going?
I could say I'm hanging in there. It's been a bit of a busy week.
That's it, but now let's think about that.
It's been a bit of a busy week. There are some questions you could ask me.
Why has it been a busy week? Do you have a big deadline coming up?
What's going on at work? What project are you working on?
There's suddenly so many questions that could be asked,
or perhaps you're having a busy week as well,
and so you could comment on what I've said and you could say, oh my gosh, yeah,
I am having a busy week as well.
We've got this huge project that we're working on.
Suddenly it's so much easier to have that conversation
just because we added one simple detail.
It's not overly complex, it's not a long story. It's one detail.
Let me give you a few more examples of this. If someone says,
how's your day going? Oh my gosh, it's great.
I'm finally moved into my new apartment and I have some free time back in my
life. That's it. From there,
there are a variety of questions we could ask. Oh,
I didn't know you were moving into a new apartment. Where is it?
Do you like your new place? We can go on and on.
Another example, answer, I'm hanging in there.
I've got a lot to do at work so that I can be ready to go on vacation next week.
Again,
there are quite a few questions we can ask about that topic and here's a final
example, but this time I have a challenge for you.
I'm going to give you the beginning of the sentence and I want you to end it
with some kind of detail. The beginning is I'm swamped.
To be swamped means to be overwhelmed with tasks,
so how could you finish that? I'm swamped.
One option might be I'm swamped at work this week we have a deadline
coming up on Friday or I'm swamped this week.
I have so much to do to finish packing up my house so that I can move into my
new apartment.
You're going to see this strategy used again and again as we continue with the
next questions,
adding one or two details can help you have easy,
successful small talk conversations in English. So question number two,
how was your weekend? The most common question on Monday mornings.
Here are some possible answers. I took it easy.
I got caught up on some reading. If you take it easy,
it means that you relax. You didn't do much. A second option,
it was a blast. We went to the Beyonce concert. Third,
it was a bit of a whirlwind.
We had so much scheduled with friends and with the kids.
If you describe something as a whirlwind,
it means that it was busy and fast-paced.
Take a look at those first three examples. Each one gives a specific detail,
and because you have that detail,
it's so much easier to think of the next question to ask.
We just have to ask a simple follow-up question or perhaps you're in a similar
circumstance so you can comment on what was said and share your story
once more. I've got a challenge for you.
I'm gonna share the beginning of a fourth option and I want you to finish it.
It was nothing out of the ordinary.
What this means is it was nothing special.
It was pretty normal or very typical.
How might you finish that with one simple detail?
One that I might consider it was nothing out of the ordinary. Unfortunately,
some of my plans got canceled or it was nothing out of the ordinary.
I mostly ran some errands. Before we move on to the third question,
I want to talk for a moment about how to decide which details to share and
how many I like to tell my students to give brief or
short, but detailed answers.
And if you're having a hard time deciding what details to share,
you can simply take a moment to think.
Allow yourself just a little bit of time after someone asks a question to ask
yourself a few questions. For example,
if someone asks about your weekend,
you might take a moment to think about what did I do?
Who did I see? Where did I go? Who did I go with?
Was it fun? Would I recommend anything?
As you ask yourself those questions,
you can decide which details you're comfortable sharing or might enjoy talking
about the most, and that's the detail you share.
We're going to see how to apply this in our next question.
How was your vacation? The moment someone asks this,
you can immediately begin thinking about those questions.
Where did I go on vacation? What did I do? What was the highlight?
Was I disappointed in anything? Who did I go with? How long did I stay?
Would I recommend where I went?
Once you have all those details in your mind,
you can choose which ones to share,
and I recommend limiting it to just one or two.
After you share one or two details,
it allows the other person to ask questions if they want to or
comment. So again, we're thinking about that quick back and forth.
I say a little, you say a little, I say a little, you say a little,
just one or two details helps that conversation along.
So if someone asks about my vacation, I might say, ah, it was amazing.
I just soaked up the sun and the beach or it was incredible.
I soaked up the culture. If you soak something up,
it means that you spent time indulging in it,
or you could say it was perfectly relaxing.
I just relaxed on the beach.
It was a long overdue vacation.
If something is long overdue,
it means that it's late or past the deadline.
And a third option for talking about your vacation. I made the most of it.
I think I checked off everything on my to-do list of what to see and
what to do in Rome. If you make the most of something,
you make sure to fully enjoy it or fully appreciate it.
And now question number four, what do you like to do in your free time?
This is a more common alternative to the question, what are your hobbies?
Here are four ways you could answer this,
and I want you to pay attention to the fact that we have a detail at least one
with every example answer on the weekends.
I love hanging out with my friends and family because I just don't have a lot of
time to do that during the work week. A second option,
I recently took up rock climbing, so I do it almost every weekend now,
to take up something means to start or adopt a new hobby.
Answer number three, I'm really into painting right now.
It makes me feel relaxed and allows me to be a bit creative.
If you are really into something,
it means that you're passionate or enthusiastic about it.
And a fourth option on the weekends,
I I love to kick back with a good book because I just lose all sense of time
to kick back means to sit back, unwind,
and just relax or enjoy something.
Now I have one more tip for you before we go on to question number five.
If you look closely at all of the answers I've provided for you
so far, you'll notice that most of them use words such as and
but yet so or because these words are
conjunctions, and when we use them in a sentence,
we have to add a detail.
So when you're engaging in small talk, I want you to remember those words.
Think about using them. If you say something like,
I had fun and or I had fun because,
or It was a good weekend,
but we have to add something, we can't stop there.
So using those words is a great push to add a little
detail onto your sentence.
Let's take a look at how we do that with question number five.
What do you have planned this weekend?
The most common question on Friday afternoon,
one possible answer is I'll be catching up on some Z's because
I've had to work late a lot of nights this week. Now,
two things to catch up on some Z's means to catch up on your sleep typically
because you're sleep deprived. Second, notice the word,
because I could say I think I'll catch up on some Z's.
It's just kind of a boring sentence, and we have that awkward silence,
but I've added on some detail.
I'm going to catch up on some Z's because I've been working late.
Now there's a little bit more to talk about.
You might be curious about why I've been working late.
Maybe you've been working late as well,
so we have something in common that we can talk about. Here's another example.
Answer.
I think I'll be running errands all weekend because I'm hosting a birthday party
next week. And number three,
everyone's talking about this new cafe that just opened up in our neighborhood,
but I haven't been yet, so I think I'll check it out.
Notice that I have the words because,
but or so in all of these example answers,
doing that helps me add on one little detail,
but a very important one also,
that expression to checkout means to consider trying something new or
doing something for the first time to see what it's like.
Now that you understand the purpose of small talk and you have some tips or
formulas that help you create successful answers to
everyday small talk questions, I want you to practice.
You can use what you've learned here to answer a couple of questions. First,
I want you to imagine you're outside taking a walk and you see a neighbor,
but this time it's a neighbor that you are friendly with and you are going
to stop to have a conversation. Your neighbor asks, how was your weekend?
What would you say? My second question for you is now,
I want you to imagine that you're at a friend's backyard barbecue,
or maybe your friend is having a birthday party.
You meet someone new and in the conversation they ask,
so what do you like to do on the weekends? What do you do in your free time?
How would you answer that question?
I want you to share your answers with me in the comments below.
Be sure to include at least one little detail and use those conjunction
words and but yet so because to help you do that.
As always, thank you so much for being here.
I really appreciate it and I hope that you found this lesson helpful.
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Thanks again and I'll see you next time.