- This video is gonna show you the most powerful way to heal
and move on if you have any type of abandonment wound.
Now, abandonment wounds keep us single.
They keep us attracting people that don't really commit.
They keep us in similar patterns
that we experienced in childhood.
And until we become aware of it and we heal,
we can't move on.
And in this video, I'm gonna show you exactly step by step,
what to do, and it's gonna be an absolute game changer
for how you show up in the world.
Now, the first thing to understand about abandonment issues
in general, and really any type of inner child wound
that we may have had that we are replaying in adulthood,
'cause that's normally what it is by the way,
if we're afraid of someone else abandoning us,
it's because there's a fear there that was placed based
on something that happened when we were a kid.
Now, the way that it works with just reality in general,
is what we believe to be true is reflected back to us.
And if we believe that people always leave,
then we will attract people into our lives
that always leave.
If that maybe even is the familiar emotion
that we're used to, then we'll continue to attract people
into our life like that.
And the thing with that
that's interesting is the word familiar
and the word familial are the same suffix,
the same, like, root.
So things that feel familiar also feel comfortable
and familiar because they feel like family.
Now, the challenge is that until we become aware
that we may have had an abandonment issue
or abandonment wounds,
we continue to attract people into our life
that reflect that back.
Now some way this could look is you attract people
that maybe leave with no explanation.
Maybe they like you for a period of time.
And then they just, there's like a switch that turns on
and then they just stop liking you.
Or then you feel like it's re-evoking emotion
that says there's something wrong with me, I'm not enough.
And it brings through all that same stuff that was probably
there in childhood.
Another way this could look is that maybe you feel like
you have to tune your own center of gravity to others.
So it's like, there's almost like a loss of self there
where it's like, well, I need to make everyone else happy.
So then we abandon ourselves to make other people happy,
and then they still leave.
And it's like, oh look, I'm not good enough.
And this is most likely as well when
the people pleaser mentality comes.
That's something that I had for years that I had to shed.
And the people pleaser mentality is born
because of the abandonment issue.
Most likely either a parent
or a guardian physically or emotionally left.
And when that happened,
there was a meaning that was made that said
there's something wrong with me.
I'm not enough.
And if I can be a little bit different,
then maybe I would be enough.
Maybe I would get that validation or approval.
So then what happens is people pleasers,
or nice guys or nice girls, whatever we call that,
they go into the world and they literally tune themselves
to others to try to make them happy.
It's interesting, I also notice that people that have
this people pleaser mentality,
they tend to work sometimes
in the service industry because they
in a way get a payoff from serving other people.
Not that there's anything wrong
with serving any other people.
But I know I worked in women's shoes
where I had a commissioned sales based job
where I had to help people, customer service.
And in a way it was like
there was a feeling of worthiness that I got
from giving to other people, from serving other people.
And I noticed that there were other people I worked with,
maybe that's just 'cause at the time liked attract like,
so I'd find other people that also gave, you know,
in that way.
Not giving because it's their job,
but giving 'cause they want some emotional payoff from it.
But people pleasing is born
because of some form and root of abandonment.
Now the interesting thing,
and the thing that I had to realize,
is that I was, just like two, three years ago,
I felt very stuck.
I felt like it was very hard for me
to set boundaries with people.
I had certain powerful friends
of mine that I felt, like, underneath.
I felt like I put them on a pedestal,
and I felt underneath.
And I would just kind of like,
I almost became a yes man in certain ways
where I was just like there to affirm people's reality
and stuff.
And then what would happen is I would
have trouble saying no to things.
I would go to things that necessarily I didn't
want to go to, but I felt guilted to go to,
or I felt like I had no choice but to go to.
At the time as well, I had the nice guy syndrome
that my dad had that I adopted as a survival mechanism.
And the nice guy, it's very similar
to the people pleasing where you tune yourself
and you're just very nice because you avoid tension.
And avoiding tension means, like, just being very agreeable.
And I was very agreeable, but I just knew it
wasn't authentic for me.
I knew there was something about it that felt weak.
And not only that, I felt like I was like a leaf
in the wind going wherever it blew me.
And I didn't have a choice as much.
And what eventually happened is I started to
become aware of the inner child stuff that was going on.
I became aware that my dad was a nice guy
and he attracted my ex-stepmom who's a narcissist.
I was like, huh, that's an interesting dynamic.
I became aware of the people pleasing mentality
of like, even when I would go out in public and stuff,
like things that would happen where I would feel like
my energy would just almost project outwards.
Like I needed other people's validation, approval,
in order to feel safe.
And then I realized that this,
I looked at my own childhood and I could clearly see
that it was born because of the childhood stuff I
went through and feeling abandoned when I was younger.
I felt like I wasn't good enough.
I felt like there was something wrong with me.
So the way that this is born,
and once I became aware of this by the way,
it changed my whole entire life,
basically what happened is I started
to value things differently.
Instead of valuing people's validation and approval,
I became aware of that and I saw
that I was searching for it on the outside
and I was externalizing it instead of giving it to myself.
So instead I changed my values.
Instead of valuing that,
I started to value authenticity and vulnerability.
And I realized that me wanting to change myself
to make others happy was a way
of me holding in my true emotions.
So the answer was vulnerability,
was me being vulnerable, me expressing the real me.
So then it was like a whole new world, 'cause then I'm like,
you know, I'm able to set boundaries and not feel guilty.
And I knew that if someone else was angry about that,
that was their shit, not mine.
Before, my emotion was other people's emotion.
It's like, as a survival mechanism as a kid,
what we do is we tune ourselves
to our environment to feel safe.
So if mom or dad, there's something going on,
it's like, how can I tune to them
and how can I make them okay,
or my siblings okay, so that I can feel safe?
And it's literally internalizing someone else's emotions
and taking responsibility for it.
And this is why people pleasers tend to be the one
in friends of groups where everyone goes to for help.
And a lot of times the people pleaser has no problem taking
on their challenges too, because they get value from it.
I got value from helping other people
and being that person in the friend group.
And the thing to realize with this is when you were a kid,
there was most likely a couple situations
that happened where there was a meaning that was given
to certain things that happened
in the inner childhood, parental dynamic.
And the meaning that was given was most likely something
along the lines of mom
and dad physically or emotionally left
and there's something wrong with me.
There's something wrong with me, or I'm broken.
Those meanings are shame. They're shame based.
Shame is I'm broken. There's something wrong with me.
Now, if we carry around shame,
then what we do is we don't want other people
to see that shame because shame breeds in the dark.
The way to cure or the way to heal shame is to
become aware of it and to have the courage
and the vulnerability to express it,
to share it, to show it.
It can be very healing
for you to share something with somebody else
that you've always held in,
because shame breeds in the dark.
When you say it out loud,
you then realize there's nothing to hide.
Everyone has a certain level of shame too.
But really what this is with the nice guy,
that people pleaser or the abandonment stuff,
it's trying to hide this belief that says,
I'm broken and there's something wrong with me.
And for a long time, I had that belief and I walked around,
I tried to hide it by being happy for everyone else,
by changing my center
of gravity to make everyone else happy.
But eventually what I had to do is I had to look at this,
and I could then see clearly a couple different things.
One, when my parents divorced, when I was five years old,
as kids we internalize everything.
So even if our parents divorce, we made have not understood
that maybe they just didn't get along.
Or maybe that was just their shit, not ours.
We thought they broke up because I wasn't enough.
I did something wrong.
I wasn't worth them sticking together for,
even though it may have actually been even worse
if they stuck together.
But we developed these meanings
and then we say, I'm broken,
there's something wrong with me.
And then we're dating somebody
and we think subconsciously, I'm broken,
there's something wrong with me.
And then we attract people that reflect
that back to us, that don't commit,
that don't emotionally or physically choose us.
And the reason that is, is
because it's reflecting back that level of shame.
It's reflecting back that belief that says, I'm broken.
And once we become aware of this,
the power is in choosing vulnerability.
It's in choosing to open up your heart.
I then made a choice about myself.
I'm no longer going to live
by the compass of validation and approval.
I'm gonna become aware of this pattern in myself.
And I'm gonna start living
by vulnerability and authenticity,
which meant that me showing up in the world,
being vulnerable and authentic meant I expressed
my real emotion.
It meant I was also very authentic
with what I thought and felt.
If normally something would come up and I'd say,
"Oh, it's okay," and it wasn't okay for me,
I'd be like, "You know what? That was kind of messed up.
I don't agree to that."
I would set boundaries with people.
All of a sudden it was a whole new world.
But the way that you heal and move on
from abandonment issues simply has to do with becoming aware
of the shame of the beliefs of the childhood meaning.
Everything has no built in meaning other
than the meaning we give it.
We've given meaning to childhood experiences
that have been on autopilot.
And maybe that meaning was I'm broken,
there's something wrong with me.
The parents divorced. They leave me. Men or women leave me.
Men or women don't commit to me
because my parents didn't commit to me.
I was just kind of in the background.
These are all childhood stories
that may still be on autopilot.
And the key to healing the abandonment wound is to realize
that most people that feel abandoned,
what they do is they try to make everybody else happy.
They tune themselves to everyone else
to get validation, approval,
or to get them to feel okay.
And in the process they abandon themselves.
They abandon themselves to make everyone else happy.
So what's the cure to the abandonment issues,
is to realize a couple things.
One, your parents emotionally leaving
or physically leaving when you were a kid
had nothing to do with you.
It wasn't because you weren't worthy.
It wasn't because you weren't enough.
It wasn't because you didn't glue them all together
when they were going through divorce.
It wasn't because you weren't the best kid
that you could have been.
It's literally their stuff they had to deal with.
And normally this stuff also travels in family lineages.
It's generational stuff.
It was their stuff, not yours.
You don't have to internalize it.
And as you start to realize that,
you stop developing this identity level belief
that says, there's something wrong with me.
That's the first step to this process.
The second step is making a choice to be vulnerable,
making a choice to be guided
by the values of instead of validation and approval
and of easing tension with people,
focus on authenticity and vulnerability,
because shame grows in the dark.
You shine light on it with vulnerability
by expressing the real you.
Even though it might take courage sometimes,
you will notice that it comes out more and more,
and the more you do that,
the more empowered you actually feel.
So this is one of the most powerful things you can do
to completely transform your life from the inside out,
because remember your beliefs are being projected out
and reflected back.
So if you believe you're broken or something wrong with you,
you'll attract people that feel that way about you.
But if you start to honor yourself,
if you start to realize your own sense
of self worth, that's what changed everything for me,
was when I started to realize
that I was worthy for just being me.
And the more I started being
and recognizing that worthiness within myself,
the more that I would attract people
that reflected that new level about me,
that new level of worthiness about me.
It's all the reflection. That's it.
Now something I'm doing is
if you want to ask me your relationship questions,
these type of energetic questions,
text me at 424-304-0104, your questions.
I'll be putting them in YouTube videos, answering them.
And I send out, one to three times a week,
I'll send out a high vibe message of the week,
the books I'm currently reading and stuff like that.
So that's if you're in the U.S. or Canada.
And also, if you want to understand why
and what happens when you let go energetically,
this was one of my most popular new videos,
what happens when you let go energetically?
It's one of my most popular videos
and also most powerful videos.
Check this video out right here.