you've got a kick-ass band you spent a
lot of time working on some original
material and you figure it's time to hit
the studio and lay down some killer
tracks if you've never recorded before
you're in for a rude awakening it's time
to put down the bong and pay attention
because what I'm about to tell you can
wind up saving you thousands of dollars
in the studio this is how to get your
band ready to record
[Music]
[Applause]
time is your enemy every minute you
spend [ __ ] around not recording
something costs you money what I'm gonna
show you are eight and for all your
drummer's out there that's this many 8
simple rules for getting your band ready
to record in the studio rule number one
learn your [ __ ] material pretty
[ __ ] obvious isn't it
it's also the number one thing you dumb
[ __ ] overlook it doesn't mean
the guitar player knows the song it
doesn't mean the drummer knows the song
it means everybody knows the song
everybody in the band should know
exactly what the [ __ ] to play before
they even walk in the studio guitar
players write your solos before you come
in the studio look I'm not very [ __ ]
Potter I don't have a magic wand to turn
on your [ __ ] talent rarely do your
legendary improvisational skills ever
manifest themselves in the studio
singers learn your parts [ __ ]
actually practice them before you come
into the studio I don't know how many
times I've seen a great recording
session go down in flames because the
singer was overconfident thought he knew
what he was doing got up in front of the
mic and joked stop whatever [ __ ]
you're doing right now and go practice
and while you're at it go write your
vocal harmonies because nothing eats up
studio time and lines my pockets more
than watching a singer try and write as
vocal harmonies in the studio bass
players see rule number two rule number
two your bass player is a useless [ __ ]
notable exceptions being Steve Harris
Les Claypool the late great Cliff Burton
Dave the bassist and Calvin love
seriously these guys will go out of
their way to [ __ ] up your record now let
me rephrase that because that would
actually require some effort on the part
of the useless [ __ ] what I meant to say
was these guys will go out of their way
to avoid being noticed in the last 15
years I have seen more sessions go down
the [ __ ] because of these asshats
than for any other reason it's because
99% of bass players out there aren't
actually musicians if there are
musicians they play guitar instead these
are the guys who want to be in a band
without actually put
fourth any effort they've got a shitty
base and an even shittier amplifier and
a rarely heard at band practice above
the guitar player only when the group
rolls into the studio does the glaring
deficiency of the [ __ ] on the four
string become apparent and it's costing
all of you money these clowns have no
timing no technique and not enough
self-respect to actually bother to learn
the material
I just love tracking baselines and
5-second punches that's just such a fun
way to spend a day in the studio bass
players do yourself a favor learn a
little technique called muting that is
when you are playing on the higher
registers throw thumb R on the neck and
mute the top strings
don't fret them just touch them so
they're not moving that way they're not
flapping in the breeze out of key and
sounding like [ __ ] like the rest of your
performance rule number three
guitar players learn the bass lines why
why because your bass player no matter
how much you begged him to did not
listen to rule number one no other
musician makes me want to eat a bullet
as much as a [ __ ] bass player
[Music]