- YOU LOOK FANTASTIC. - THANK YOU.
- AND I KNOW YOU JUST GOT BACK FROM MEXICO.
YOU WERE THERE FOR THE HOLIDAYS.
YOU DON'T GO IN THE SUN, THOUGH.
WHY WOULD YOU GO TO MEXICO?
- BECAUSE IT WAS FUN. - YEAH?
- YEAH, IT WAS GREAT.
I MEAN, I DID GO IN THE SUN,
BUT I PUT A LOT OF SUNBLOCK ON, 'CAUSE, YOU KNOW--
- YEAH, 'CAUSE YOU HAVE AMAZING SKIN,
SO I WOULD ASSUME YOU STAY OUT OF--
I LOVE THE SUN, SO I'M WILLING TO PAY THE PRICE FOR IT,
BUT I--BUT YOU SEEM LIKE YOU WOULD BE OUT--
NEVER IN THE SUN.
- WELL, I DON'T-- WELL, I MEAN,
I SHOULDN'T BE, BUT I DO WEAR SUNBLOCK,
BUT THE REST OF MY BODY IS FULL OF BROWN SPOTS
AND FRECKLES AND ALL KIND OF THINGS.
- WELL, LET'S SEE IT. - ALL RIGHT.
- UM...
[audience cheers]
SO YOU WERE THERE--
YOU WENT WITH JEN AND JUSTIN AND EVERYBODY.
- YEAH.
- PORTIA AND I WERE GONNA GO ON THAT TRIP,
AND THAT SOUNDED LIKE THAT WAS GONNA BE FUN,
AND, UM...
- REALLY FUNNY PEOPLE. - YES.
- I MEAN, IT WAS HOWARD STERN AND HIS WIFE, BETH,
WHO'S GORGEOUS;
AND JIMMY KIMMEL AND MOLLY, WHO'S AMAZING;
AND JENNIFER AND JUSTIN.
AND IT WAS JUST A TRIP OF--
LIKE, WE JUST SAT AROUND, DRANK, ATE,
AND, YOU KNOW, NOT A LOT OF ACTIVITY.
THE BOYS DID GO OUT ONE DAY AND PLAY GOLF.
- WHO PLAYS GOLF? WHAT--OF THEM?
- LET ME TELL YOU,
THEY CAME BACK IN ABOUT FOUR HOURS,
BUT THEY PLAYED THREE HOLES
AND LOST 42 BALLS.
[laughter]
I MEAN... - REALLY?
- I ALMOST WENT WITH THEM
'CAUSE I CAN KIND OF PLAY.
WHEN I DO CONNECT, I'M PRETTY GOOD.
IT JUST--IT TAKES ME ABOUT 25 TIMES
TO GET THAT FIRST ONE.
BUT OTHER THAN THAT, I'M REALLY GOOD.
- THEY LOST 42 BALLS REALLY
OR YOU'RE JUST-- THAT'S THE JOKE?
- NO, NO, IT'S SERIOUSLY THE TRUTH.
- 42 BALLS IN THREE HOLES?
- THREE HOLES.
AND THEN THEY WERE LIKE,
"OH, MY GOD. WE GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE."
THEY CAME BACK.
- I CAN'T EVEN IMAGINE HOWARD STERN
PLAYING GOLF AT ALL.
- I JUST WANTED TO GO AND JUST SEE HIM DO THAT.
IT WOULD HAVE BEEN HYSTERICAL.
- YEAH. SO COCO IS HOW OLD NOW?
- COCO'S NINE.
- IN WHAT GRADE?
- SHE'S IN FOURTH GRADE,
AND SHE'S A...
I WAS TALKING TO HER THE OTHER DAY ABOUT SCHOOL,
AND I WAS SAYING, "COCO"--
WELL, SHE SAID, "MOM, I'M TAKING SOCIAL STUDIES."
I SAID, "HOW IS THAT?"
SHE GOES, "WELL, I THOUGHT
"THAT IT WOULD BE MOSTLY SOCIAL,
"BUT IT TURNS OUT, IT'S LIGHT ON THE SOCIAL
AND HEAVY ON THE STUDIES."
[laughter]
I WAS LIKE... - VERY FUNNY.
- SHE'S GOT A LITTLE CUTE SENSE OF HUMOR.
SHE'S GREAT. SHE'S...
- WELL, I BET. I BET SHE'S--
YOU'RE FUNNY, AND DAVID'S FUNNY.
I WOULD ASSUME THAT SHE'S GOT...
- SHE'S PRETTY GOOFY, YEAH.
- NOW, IS SHE EXCITED THAT SHE--
'CAUSE DAVID'S GONNA HAVE A BABY, RIGHT?
WELL, HE'S NOT, BUT-- 'CAUSE THAT WOULD BE WEIRD.
BUT SHE'S GONNA BE A BIG SISTER.
- YEAH, THEY'RE GONNA HAVE A LITTLE BOY.
I HOPE I'M ALLOWED TO SAY THAT.
- WELL, NOW YOU'VE SAID IT. - I'VE SAID IT.
- AND IS SHE EXCITED ABOUT BEING A BIG SISTER?
- YEAH. SHE'S REALLY EXCITED.
AT FIRST, SHE WAS NERVOUS,
'CAUSE, YOU KNOW, IT'S A BIG DEAL.
- MM-HMM. - FIRST, I WAS NERVOUS.
I WAS LIKE, "WHOA. THIS IS HEAVY."
BUT NOW IT'S GREAT.
WE ACTUALLY ALL HAD DINNER THE OTHER NIGHT,
THE WHOLE FAMILY.
IT'S A VERY UNIQUE RELATIONSHIP,
ALL OF US, LIKE, LITERALLY ME AND CHRISTINA
AND DAVID AND COCO.
IT'S GREAT, THOUGH.
- BUT THAT'S GREAT.
THAT'S THE WAY IT SHOULD BE.
I MEAN, YOU KNOW, RELATIONSHIPS DON'T WORK OUT,
AND IT'S HARD, BUT YOU--
ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU HAVE A CHILD,
YOU HAVE TO KIND OF COME TOGETHER FOR THE KIDS.
- IT'S SWEET, BUT SHE'S DEFINITELY WANTING TO BE VERY--
IT'S ALMOST LIKE SHE'S A LITTLE BIT OF A TICK.
I MEAN, SHE IS ON ME.
SHE DOESN'T-- WANT TO MAKE SURE
NOTHING CHANGES IN MY LIFE.
AND SO I WENT ON THIS MOTHER-DAUGHTER DAY WITH HER,
AND I TOOK HER TO A SPA.
THERE'S US WAITING FOR OUR BODY SCRUB.
- WHO'S TAKING THE PICTURES?
- THAT WAS ME WITH MY ARM OUT.
- OKAY.
LIKE YOU'D BRING A PHOTOGRAPHER WITH YOU TO THE SPA.
- OKAY, THAT'S US IN THE JACUZZI.
- UH-HUH.
- AND THEN AFTER WE DID ALL OF THESE TREATMENTS--
IT WAS REALLY A NICE DAY FOR ME TOO, I MUST SAY.
I TOOK HER TO MASTRO'S FOR DINNER,
JUST THE TWO OF US, VERY ROMANTIC DINNER.
WE SAT THERE. WE HELD HANDS AND TALKED.
AND I GOT TO TELL YOU, IT WAS A FULL DAY,
AND THE NEXT MORNING, WE WOKE UP,
AND SHE'S LIKE, "MOM, DID THAT REALLY COUNT
AS MOTHER-DAUGHTER DAY?" YOU KNOW...
- AND I THINK SHE PROBABLY SAID THAT--
IS BECAUSE YOU REALLY DO OBVIOUSLY TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF,
SO YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN THERE ANYWAY,
SO SHE'S SAYING, "DOES THIS REALLY COUNT
BECAUSE THIS IS SOMETHING YOU JUST"--
- "CAN I JUST TAG ALONG?"
NO, I DON'T DO IT LIKE THAT.
- BECAUSE YOU-- WHAT'S THE NEWEST THING?
'CAUSE EVERY TIME--BY THE WAY, I'M GOING TO YOUR NEW--
YOUR WOMAN NOW. - SHE'S AMAZING, RIGHT?
- SHE'S AMAZING. - HER NAME IS MILA MOURSI.
SHE IS-- I MEAN, SHE'S PHENOMENAL.
- LIKE, THE BEST FACIALIST IN TOWN.
SHE'S AMAZING.
- I LOVE THAT YOU'RE GOING TO HER.
- YEAH, SHE'S GREAT, BUT YOU HAVE AMAZING SKIN,
SO WHAT'S YOUR LATEST SECRET?
- WELL, I USE ALL OF HER PRODUCTS.
- MM-HMM.
- BUT I DID USE RETIN-A THE OTHER DAY,
BUT I DECIDED TO JUMP UP TO A HIGHER NUMBER,
AND WHEN I TELL YOU-- UNDERNEATH MY MAKEUP,
IT'S--MY SKIN IS FALLING OFF MY FACE.
- RIGHT NOW? - I DON'T RECOMMEND IT.
YEAH, I MEAN, IT WAS BAD.
I DID TOO MUCH.
- YOU JUST, ON YOUR OWN,
DECIDED TO UP THE DOSAGE?
- WELL, I WAS ONLINE,
READING SOMETHING THAT SAID,
"OH, IF YOU'VE BEEN DOING THE SAME THING FOR A LONG TIME,
YOU KNOW, SWITCH IT UP."
SO I DID. - YEAH.
- DON'T DO IT. - WELL, YOU LOOK...
[laughter]
- IT'S REALLY, REALLY RED.
- SO YOU LEARNED SOMETHING TODAY.
I LIKE PEOPLE TO LEARN SOMETHING.
AND YOU LOOK GREAT.
I DON'T SEE ANYTHING PEELING UNDER THERE,
BUT YOU LOOK REALLY GOOD.
ALL RIGHT, WE'LL TAKE A BREAK. MORE WITH COURTENEY.
WE'LL TALK ABOUT "COUGAR TOWN," WHICH STARTS TONIGHT, RIGHT?
- YEP. - WE'LL BE BACK.
[cheers and applause]