Hey everyone!
Happy New Year!
It is Wednesday here at
Kati Morton.com, and that means that
I'm on the website, as well as YouTube.
So if you asked your questions
below yesterday's video, or on the
website--if any of you haven't gotten
on and joined, you may want to do that.
Um, under the "Community," and then you
click down and go to "Forums,"
you can scroll all the way down to
"Q&A for Videos." And I check there, um,
every week for . . . questions for my
Q&A's. So without further ado--
sorry, I'm still a little congested
you can tell, um, but I'm just kind of
relaxin' today and hanging out, so I'm
in my pajamas, hoping to heal and be
back to normal by the weekend.
So! First question:
"Kati!! Literally thank God you're back
I'm semi-holding on . . ."--
[Kati] I hope you're still holding on.
Hang in there.
[Question] "Do you have simple,
quick tips to make yourself feel safe
without needing a person to do it for you.
Simply put, how can you rely on yourself
in the moment to feel safe from abusers,
PTSD, etc. Thanks."
[Kati] Um, yes there are a bunch of
different things you could do. If any
of you also, if any of you have tips
and tricks for this, please let us know
below. But I'll just give you a
couple of 'em that came to mind
for me that've worked for other clients
of mine. Um, so things you need to
keep on your person--this is usually
what I recommend for my clients.
Now, I have a client who, um, has
like a little "worry stone" she keeps
in her pocket. And some people
like that, it can be really grounding.
I actually have a patient who had,
um, a piece of a blanket. And it was
kind of just like a happy memory for her.
And if there is something you can keep,
'cause she would touch that, and it
would remind her and bring her back
to like the happy place, and it would
help her feel more safe. Um, there are
also things you can keep, um,
whether it's in your phone
or in your purse, or something like
that, where, um, it can be a--a like a
starter--like a little bullet-point to
start a happy memory or a safe
place or it could be a mantra that you,
um, repeat. You might wanna write
some down and try them out and see
what works best for you. Um, I find
those to be the best because in the
moment there's really not that much
we can do other than--or maybe
put your earbuds in if you have
music you can listen to.
Um, or you may just wanna, um,
text a friend. I know that's relying
on someone else, but in the moment
sometimes we want to do as much
as we can to make sure that we
stay safe and that we feel safe in
the moment when we're feeling
kind of triggered or feeling, uh, like
someone is just kind of . . . I don't
know if it's harmful, or--they're
just making us feel unsafe.
Um, so those are things that I would,
uh, do. And if any of you have tips,
like I said, leave 'em below.
And I hope that helps a little bit;
I know it's hard, um, but we have to
do some trial-and-error, 'til we come
up with things that work for you.
So, um, keep trying, okay?
Question Number Two:
"You often say that if you don't
like your therapist, you don't
have to go back.
What if it's the other way 'round
and you as a therapist feel that
you don't "click" with a patient?
Do you tell them? And how?"
[Kati] Um, no I don't tell them.
I know that sounds like it
doesn't make sense, but it's not
about me. Like, therapy's not
about me. When someone comes
in to see my it's about them, and if
they feel like they click with me,
regardless of what I think, um,
then I'm there to help guide them.
So if a client, um, feels good, and they
keep wanting to make appointments,
they keep wanting to come back,
regardless of my feelings for them
or my thoughts about how it's
working, um, I trust in their
judgement, you know?
And I always check in with my
client, like "Is everything going well?
Is there anything that you would
really wanna work on that we're
not working on? You know,
these are the things I'm looking at."
And I just, I have an open dialogue
with them. Um, so there's never
any pressure for them to continue
to make sessions, but if they want to,
then they do and I'm there to help.
So I hope that kinda makes sense,
'cause I think the difference
between a regular relationship and
a therapeutic relationship is that
it's not about the therapist at all.
It's about me helping guide
you through what you're working on.
Okay?
Questions Number 3:
"I was wondering if you could
please tell me what you define to
be casual sex and why it isn't
good for us."
Now . . . this--I thought this was so
interesting. It's something that I
hadn't thought about, and it's
nothing that I've talked about before.
Um . . . but casual sex is something I
would say that happens between two
people when there's no
relationship involved.
Now . . . that--I know that's a very
broad definition, but to me it's
different to every person.
Some people don't believe in sex
before marriage, so casual sex'd be
anything other than that.
Some people don't believe in
having sex until you've been with
someone for "x" amount of time.
Or whatever rules that we have in
our heads, um, it's different
for everyone.
And I believe that unless there's
a relationship in place where
there's some kind of agreement:
whether we're dating, whether it's
even, um, casually dating, like
whether we've been dating a couple
times and we've had sex . . .
I think as long as there's some kind
of established relationship, it's
not casual sex.
Um, I feel that casual sex can be
not good for us for many various
reasons: the first one being safety.
For many of my clients who are
sexually promiscuous, my only
concern for them is for their safety
and their health.
So, I always tell them "If you're--
if you are going to go out to bar
and you know that you're going to
pick up somebody and have sex,
make sure you have condoms,
be careful, be safe.
I mean, it's not my life,
it's your life--you get to choose
what's right for you.
I just want to make sure that
you feel healthy and happy about it."
Um, the second thing is the
emotional component.
For many people, sex is a very
intimate act, and so if we're going
to do it with somebody and it's--
in a very casual fashion,
and maybe, maybe we're
"pretending" that it's casual,
but we really don't feel it's casual
and then when they're not returning
our calls or we don't see them again
it can, uh, make our depression worse
and cause anxiety, it can hurt our
self-esteem and our body image . . .
Um, and so that's kinda why I always
tell people to steer clear of it
and to do what feels good for you.
Um, so, so yeah!
Those are just my thoughts on it.
And you can always, um, let me
know what your thoughts are,
and, you know, if you disagree,
that's fine.
Okay! Question Number 4:
"Hey Kati! I feel sort of hurt by
my last therapist and now I'm
scared to get help again.
My therapy was abruptly ended and
I wasn't given a referral to
any other place . . ."
[Kati] That's against the law, actually,
in the states.
We're legally bound to give you
a referral, so you could definitely
file a report. Um . . .
" . . .referral to any other place,
or any way to have the medication
I was put on . . .um . . .
whilst being monitored.
He sort of said I wasn't
"severe" enough, with a laugh,
which seemed like a poor excuse
because I was very unstable,
and later was even rejected
from another program I tried
to get to--get in--[Kati] blah . . .
"I tried to get help from for
being "too" depressed.
I don't really know what to do now
because every time I try and
get help I'm told I'm either
too sick or not sick enough.
This is a public health system,
so I only have a few options
available, and I feel like I've
already exhausted them now.
What am I meant to do?"
[Kati] And I really wanted to talk
about this because in the States
it's very different from other--
a country. So if any of you have
had this situation,
please please please leave comments
below, and let us know what you did.
Um, as far as my understanding,
if this is a, like you said it's a
public health system, I would
go back to your general
practitioner because everybody said
that your GP, whoever your main
doctor is, make an appointment
there, go in and see them, and get
another referral.
They're usually the key referral
source, and they can get you into the,
uh, mental health area.
Um, if, like you saw, that other
person--they didn't give you any
referrals, I would contact them
again, and I would say, um,
"When our--you know, my last session
I felt like therapy ended really abruptly,
and I just really need some referrals,
um, I know that that's something you
were supposed to give to me, and I
was hoping that you could
give those to me."
And I'd just say, "Call me and leave
me a message" so you don't have
to talk to them 'cause they're
kind of a jackass. Um, instead
you could just information.
So, those are some things that I
would do. Um, I'm sorry you had
such a bad experience, but know that
it's not bad--that not everybody's bad.
And it sucks that your first few
experiences have been really shitty,
but good people are out there.
If you keep looking, and you keep, um,
trying to go through the system,
the way that I understand it, um--
and like always, everybody let me know
what works. Let us know so that this
person can get the help that they need
because I don't know the exact system,
um, I only know the state system.
Um, but I would definitely look
into that and keep--keep
fighting for it because
it's your recovery,
it's your process,
it's your mental health,
and you deserve to get better.
Okay?
Now the journal topic!
I, um, struggled today
just 'cause, I think 'cause I'm
tired, and it was hard to come up with
something, and I was thinking,
and thinking . . .
And I thought we'll do
a "finish the sentence."
I've done those before where
it kinda gets you going,
and you start writing about it.
So the prompt--so I'll call it
a journal prompt today--
and it is:
"I am the one who . . ."
Dot, dot, dot.
So what are you?
What do people count on you for?
What do you end up doing?
What do you do for work,
what do you do for school,
what do you do for yourself,
what do you do for your friends?
Are you the reliable one?
Are you the unreliable one?
Are you the late one,
are you the funny one?
Are you--what are you?
Who are you?
And what are you about?
Um, I think a lot of the time
that we're journaling,
a lot of it's just self-exploration
and figuring out who we are and
what we're about,
and I think this will really help.
So, I will see you all tomorrow!
Hopefully my voice'll be even better
and I won't, um, be so tired.
I'll be on, uh, Thursday--
I'll be on Twitter!
So ask your questions using the
#katiFAQ, and I'll find them.
And I'm gonna try to get caught up
on Twitter tomorrow, um,
'cause hopefully I'll have more energy,
and I can definitely answer more of
your questions.
Thank you all so much for your patience!
I love you all!
Happy New Year!
And I'll see you tomorrow.
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