- So please welcome back the author of my favorite
book If You're In My Office, It's Already Too Late.
(audience applause)
James Sexton everybody.
We got some folks in the audience.
We've got some folks in the audience who have
some relationship questions, so let's just get right to it.
Katrina what's your question for James?
- Well James, we've been together for eight years.
I mean, married for eight years, together for 14.
But he's got a major addiction to video games.
He's a big time gamer, doesn't come to bed.
Sits up six hours playing the game,
and I have a very important birthday coming up.
I'll be 50 in about three weeks.
(audience applause)
And so I want him to pull out all the stops.
I want him to go really hard for me for this birthday.
So how can I get him to be more romantic
and do something fun that I can remember for
this 50th birthday I want.
- So tell me, how do you feel when you're playing the game,
and you're right in it, how do you feel?
- It depend on if I'm winning or losing.
- [James] You're winning.
- If I'm winning, I'm excited till she come and be like
trying to shut it down.
- Okay, okay, but let's focus on how you feel.
When you're playing the game, you said you feel excited,
how else do you feel?
You feel like a winner?
- Victorious, yeah.
- Okay.
When he's playing the game, you're in the other room.
You're thinking about spending time with him,
you want his attention.
How do you feel?
- Neglected. - [James] Okay, how else?
- Like he should dedicate more time,
romantic time to me, not just late at night.
- [James] But I want to know inside, how do you feel?
So you said you feel neglected, sad, okay.
You love this woman right?
- Yeah. - Okay, I know
when you're playing those video games
you're not sitting there going,
I'm gonna sit here and make her feel neglected and sad.
Right, you're doing it because you want to feel those
things you want to feel.
You just described, you want to feel excited,
you want to feel like you're good at something, right?
You have to figure out if you can, ways to make him
feel those same feelings in the marriage, right?
And in the activities he does with you.
And you have to figure out ways to still enjoy
this thing you enjoy then don't leave her
feeling neglected and sad or any of those things.
(applause)
- I try to get her to play with me.
(laughs)
- You know what, that's not a bad idea.
It's not a bad idea to bring somebody in to things
they love so much-- - She's never
played no damn video games. - so much, there's something
you love so much, pull her into some of the things you love.
You're shaking your head at me, I can see it coming.
- She don't want to play no video games with you.
- No sir, no sir.
- Your wife will be turning 50 and she wants
you to go hard for that date.
She don't see that happening cause you gonna
be in your man cave, go ahead.
- Cause I might have a game that day.
- You might have a game that day?
- See I play a season.
- Bro, okay, no.
See right now, see, I'm glad you said that
cause now I don't have to hold back.
(applause)
Cause see, what you just said to me,
what you just said to me was just ignorant.
Your wife's 50th birthday coming,
but you might have a game that day.
But you really ain't got no game that day.
(applause)
Here's what I think should happen.
You should have play days.
You should have days where she leaves you
to play the video games till you feel like coming to bed.
And she should have play days where you should
be her husband.
- Mm I like that.
- You should be romantic.
Her play days might have something involved.
I know she got some things that the video games don't have.
(laughs)
- Anytime I think about a problem that
a person thinks is a problem,
I try to flip it a little bit.
So think about it this way, what if you had the opposite
problem, what if you had the problem a lot of men have.
Probably some men in this audience have.
Where they had a wife who didn't care when you come to bed.
They don't care if you want to spend the whole weekend
playing video games, because they got plenty
of other stuff to do and they don't want
anything to do with you.
Think about that problem, if you had that problem
that's a problem you would never want to have.
You have a problem, you know what the problem is?
You have a wife who wants to spend time with you.
You have a wife who just says she
wants you to come to bed.
- So James, so let me ask you this.
So what you saying, man, is if he had
the direct opposite where she didn't care
when he came to bed, cause she's somewhere else.
She having play dates.
- Having a great time.
- Maybe it's somebody that already
want to spend time with her.
- Absolutely. - He don't
have that problem right now.
- How does that feel now?
What we're talking about, how does that problem feel?
- I don't.
- Probably worst than losing the video game championship.
- Yeah.
I think we're on to something.
Katrina Morell good luck.
We'll be right back with more marriage questions
and more solutions from James Sexton.
Don't go away.