So you guys know that I'm polyamorous.
And one of the most frustrating aspects
of being polyamorous is dealing with dudes like this on dating apps.
This dude super liked my profile, so this is how his self summary goes.
A married man with playful, adventurous, monogamous, slash,
non-monogamous impersonality.
Yes, my wife knows about this, and she's totally fine with it.
She's sexually cold, frigid.
And we agreed that I can date girls interested in couples.
Let's please connect and convince my wife to have a threesome.
LOL let's talk and see if our vibes match.
Let's meet in person as it's more powerful than texting.
So obviously there's a little bit of a contradiction there.
He is on one hand saying
that he wants to find a woman to have a threesome with his wife.
But on the other hand, he's describing said wife as frigid.
I'm I'm sorry, but polyamorous women are not there to save your marriage.
And as someone who's dated a lot of dudes like this, I can tell you
pretty confidently that these two are headed for divorce.
He says that his wife is aware of it, but what's probably more
realistic, especially as he describes her as frigid, is that she
sort of said, okay, maybe, and he took a half. Yes.
And ran with it.
And what's probably going to happen is that he is going to go
find some girl, have a great time with her, break up with his wife.
And then I've seen this several times, go into a monogamous with her.
So the women who are in this situation right now, I want to say run.
Okay, run.
You do not need to stick around for the inevitable.
You're not closed minded.
You're not a frigid person because you're not interested
in having sex with this person.
Side note, let's talk about that for a second.
In my observation, in a lot of times in situations
like this, it's not so much that the woman is frigid or cold.
It's that she doesn't really like having sex with you.
I remember when I was in a relationship where I would regularly say no to sex,
and I know that what it came down to is that he wasn't a very good lover.
He was a very selfish lover.
What he was doing, more often than not was hurting me.
I wasn't having a good time, but he wanted it.
He demanded it. So sex became a chore.
It became something that wasn't joyous for me.
It became something that felt like a duty that I was doing to maintain
the relationship.
When your relationship with sex is,
if you don't give it to me, I'm going to go out and find someone else.
Yeah, of course.
You're not going to be excited to do the thing.
A lot of women who are stuck in this situation,
I just want to say, you can find someone out there
who does indeed celebrate you, who is indeed interested in you,
who does indeed want to go at your pace.
I'm just saying, you got options.
You don't have to settle for this. I know it's hard.
Easier said than done.
But you don't have to settle
for a dude who's going to call you frigid on a dating app.
Trust me when I say that these dudes
mostly go on dates so that they can complain about you.
Dump him. So let's talk about this.
So one of the big reasons why I don't have a lot of sympathy for men
like the one I talked about in this video is because I've gone on
so many dates with dudes like this as a black transgender woman.
Unfortunately, I'm not usually viewed
as the kind of person that a man can be anchored to.
And what I've noticed with some of these men
is that they like having a woman
at home doing the labor, taking care of the house,
taking care of the kids, being that representation for the world
while they go and do whatever they want sexually with everyone else.
There are plenty of married men that I've met who do this
ethically, who have conversations with their partners and things like that.
But I've literally gone on dates with married men who tell me that they're
honest, that they're communicating, that everything's on the up and up.
And then I find out at the end of the day that they didn't even tell their wives
that they were going on this date.
Some men are in a situation where they want a lot of sex
and maybe their partner doesn't want a lot of sex, and so they present
polyamory or opening up the relationship as a solution.
But the reality is, is it's not usually what ends up happening is
the man goes out, looks for new people and then leaves the wife behind,
which is why I am a huge proponent of telling
especially women who are in this situation who know that they're not polyamorous
or ethically non-monogamous.
So many unethical people saying that they're ethically non-monogamous.
I like to encourage these women to leave early
because a lot of these men are going to be taking care of their needs.
They're not second guessing the way that you might be second guessing.
They're going to go do it.
They're going to go do.
And you know, the most interesting thing that I think I've noticed about,
especially married couples who open up in this way, is more often than not,
the women are more successful than the men.
Sadly, some men are the kind of dudes who really don't like for their wife
to get out there because they're afraid that they might find someone better
than them.
A lot of men, they really just want someone at home
doing the labor and they're really worried about losing that.
And so I really don't want to promote the idea of women
who especially know they're not comfortable with this
sitting around and waiting because they are wasting your time.
These women can go out and find partners who are monogamous,
who aren't going to pressure them. That's honestly most.
And you know it as a poly woman, I can say that it's really hard
to find men who are truly polyamorous, who get it, who accept it, who understand
there are so many more men out there that want monogamy,
expect monogamy, and have that as their anticipation for relationships.
And she can find that, like I said, dump them.