- You know, I didn't think much of them at first,
these newbie licks.
I'd heard of them.
I worked for Hollywood Abrams,
hung out by the Griffith College.
Nelli, truly adore, floshy poshy!
Victor Ventrue, the uber undad.
(chuckling)
Jasper, Nosferatu, sneaky, creepy.
And Annabelle.
More than meets the eye, right?
Well, they all are.
Much more, really.
I love it when undad gets all bent out of shape,
like frothing at the mouth, super pissed off.
Like with the chair, right?
(laughing)
That was so good!
Oh, that made me so happy.
Their first night together, that was wild.
They went up to the observatory and met with the witch,
and that's where they learned that Annabelle's a Bruja,
and then they got into a scrape with Bobby Blaine's goons,
and Jasper went mono e mono with an SUV.
I know, ouch!
And then we met, sort of, a few nights later,
when they broke into the old haven.
You remember that?
The place where Blaine's goons met up with the feds
and I stole their shit, remember?
(squeaking)
Fine, you stole their shit, thank you.
Anyway.
They came looking for Blaine and they found me.
At first I thought that they were with Blaine
and that I'd have to run them off.
(squeaking)
Okay, fine, we would have to run them off,
yes, thank you, okay.
I overheard them, and well, they didn't sound like
the usual useless LA rabble, you know?
They haven't seen the shit that I've seen
or had to do the shit that I've had to do just to survive,
but then again, who has?
And still, there was something about them.
Then the Ivory Tower shows up,
Nelli's sire, Jerkface Chaz.
I know, that guy.
They were not happy about that at all,
so I think, what the hell?
I'll just let this play out, you know?
See what side they're really on, right?
(laughing)
That was the night Jasper lost his cool.
Totally, totally freaked out on Annabelle.
She's lucky that he didn't eat her.
The frenzy, that is no joke.
Anyway, later I trailed them to
Victor's fancy club in Hollywood.
It's a nice place, it's got great music.
You know, I always wanted to DJ
when I was back in uni.
Well, I decided to test the club's defenses,
and you know what that means.
It was rat pack time!
(squeaking)
Look at him, he's so cute!
You recognize some of these guys, right?
I'm pretty good at this!
(squeaking)
And that, that is where we met for reals.
We looked good too.
It was a good look that night.
Look at this.
(squeaking)
No, shut up!
My hair does too look like that!
It's all fluffy and luscious!
(squeaking)
Oh, that is rude, Frankie.
You're eating out of the dumpster tonight.
Mm-mm, nobody give him food, he's being rude!
Huh, that rhymes.
Anyway, it was Jasper that time, but X,
X was with them, which is a good sign.
He gives lipservice to Terice,
but he's a lot smarter than he seems,
most of the time.
Okay, sometimes.
You know what?
He tries, we'll give him that.
Shit went sideways, of course,
because it always goes sideways.
Blaine's gang hit the club, big fight, big mess.
Nelli shows some claws and a big knife.
Victor blows away the goons with a fire gun
that we took off the feds.
Thank you Dom for not firing that off when we found it.
And when the dust settled, well,
it went a different kind of sideways.
You're not gonna believe this, ready?
We find out that Victor's son
has been hanging with Blaine's goons,
but he doesn't know that they're vampires
or that his dad's a vampire.
How do you not know that your dad's a vampire?
It gets better: Annabelle is dating the twin
and some other girl.
A very lucky girl, woo.
Anyway, that is a fucking vampire soap opera, right?
(laughing)
Oh man, I wonder how that all turns out.
Oh man, the political situation gets
really interesting, though.
I mean, Victor, he decides that he's
the Baron of the Valley, the new Baron of the Valley.
I mean, right?
Who wants that?
But it's okay, it's cool, because it means that
a shakeup is coming, and maybe for the better, you know?
Maybe.
They capture this Nick dude, another Nosferatu,
one of Blaine's dudes.
Turns out he's the lick who killed Annabelle.
It seems she set fire to a building he owned,
so he drank her dry and left her for dead.
(squeaking)
I know, right?
So who was her sire?
Well, it is this asshole, Carver.
Worst kind of absentee parent.
Baby doll, baby doll my ass!
That guy's a psycho, and I don't know
whose side he's actually on!
He had, he'd better not hurt our girl, right?
(squeaking)
He embraced her though, after Nick bit her,
so he saved her kind of, maybe.
No, you know what?
Mm, no, who am I kidding?
Asshole, major asshole, major asshole.
Carver, who was on the trail of some thin bloods
who were cooking up some weird blood drugs
and then feeding them to the students on campus.
Beckett says that the Dustborn
are harbingers of the end times for our kind,
but who knows, you know?
Poor bastards, stuck between life and death.
I don't know which one's worse, really.
Ooh, so many sketches, so little time.
But now those thin bloods are dead,
some of their human buddies too.
It's what we do, you know?
We get hungry, the beast gets its way,
and before you know it, too late.
Real talk, though, that is the night that I decided
that Annabelle could be exactly what we need.
She felt rotten about all the
death and destruction around her,
but she tried to learn the lesson anyway,
and you gotta admire that, right?
At first I couldn't figure out why
they decided to go visit Miranda.
Ever since the followers
rebranded themselves as The Ministry,
I can barely keep a straight face around them.
But then I got it.
Politics again, you know?
Favors.
Miranda could see that the wind was shifting,
wanted a seat at the table,
offered to trade Nick for it.
Gotta hand it to her, that was really well played.
Nick got what he deserved.
I thought Annabelle would take him out.
She beat him into a torpor with her bare hands.
I wasn't present for it, but it was really,
ooh, it was really priceless.
But it was Nelli who sent him to the final death.
She took his ugly face
away from his shoulders and dusted him.
Oh, sorry Remmy, that was a little
graphic for you, wasn't it?
Won't do it again.
That was a nice moment.
Too bad about Miranda's nightclub though.
You know, that's what happens
when the feds are hunting you.
They shut you up, bye-bye.
Now, this is where it gets weird.
(squeaking)
Oh my god, Frankie, I know, it's all been weird,
but this is where it gets really weird.
Who's telling this story anyway?
(squeaking)
Yeah, that's right, that's what I thought.
Okay, so, where was I?
Really weird, right.
Turns out, Jasper lives in some kind of
creepy magic maze out near Griffith Park.
Yeah, no, I know, it freaks me out too.
His friends go into this super creepy labyrinth
to find Jasper, and you know what they meet down there?
A freaking werewolf!
Look at!
I'm not over that one, that one was wild.
Anyway, as if that's not weird enough,
they finally find their way out
and into Jasper's haven, only to discover
he's not home, but he does have a vampire
locked up down there.
The prisoner tries to snow 'em with a sob story,
and she almost gets away with it.
Almost.
Turns out it was Terra, the lick who used to be
the Baron of San Diego, but then she turned on the movement
and went over to the Camarilla.
Abrams had Jasper put her on ice for a while and,
you know, well, that tells you
how bad the situation's getting, right?
Anyway, things really picked up speed after that.
Favors got these nearly nobodies
invitations to the Succubus Club,
which is the hottest one night vampire party in town.
Victoria Ash, she's the Succubus Club hostess.
I don't mess with her, or go to her parties,
even if I'm invited.
Favors again though.
Somebody owed somebody else,
and the bottom line was that Victoria
handed over Bobby Blaine himself.
Yeah, that one.
My dudes took him out, naturally, right?
Then Victoria, she, I don't know if she ordered it.
They killed them all, the guests,
all of the people, all of the mortals.
The vampires killed all of them.
(squeaking)
I don't know, maybe like 100.
And they didn't have to do that!
Look, I know how it is, I really do.
I've been dead long enough to know the score,
but this, this can't go on.
The revolt, the Anarch movement,
it all used to mean something.
We were different from the Camarilla,
from the Elders, the monsters.
The monsters who were trying to take our cities from us.
Somebody has to do something,
rally the Barons, stir them to action, take a stand!
And somehow, I think that somebody will.
Oh, oh yeah!
I'm leaving parts out.
(squeaking)
Sorry, sorry, sorry, I'll be quick, let's see.
Um, um, oh!
Jasper went and watched his girlfriend from the mortal life.
Really messed that one up.
I think he's been hanging around Annabelle
a little bit too much.
That was a mistake.
Nelli recruited someone to watch her back.
Do not tell the rest of the coterie, though.
Oh my god, wait, did I tell you that
she's been seeing a ghost?
Yeah, okay, that, way too long to get into that one,
do that later.
Victor took his seat as Baron of the Valley,
but that involved having to say goodbye
to someone he was depending on.
Heavy is the head that wears the crown.
(squeaking)
No, Frankie, it's not an actual crown.
Oh, oh!
But Nelli, Nelli had a crown once!
Oh, come on, you're getting me sidetracked,
that's not fair!
Okay, moving on, ignore Frankie, he's being rude.
No food for the rude, this is the rule!
Okay, finally, Annabelle made some decisions, a decision,
that's gonna have some real consequences.
They're cute though, right?
I hope it works out, what she chose.
We'll have to keep an eye on that.
(squeaking)
Keep an eye out, or eyes out.
Lots of eyes, really.
(laughing)
I don't wanna do the math for that.
That's a lot of eyes, always watching.
I will keep watching.
But anyway, did you like my story?
(squeaking)
Yeah!
All right, now what's for dinner?
Except for you, Frankie, you're going in the dumpster.