Some love scenes transcend even circumstantial weirdness, and are so painfully awkward in
and of themselves that you'd be embarrassed to watch them alone, much less with other
people.
Luckily, the lovemaking experts here at Looper are ready to help you steer around the trainwrecks
with this look at some love scenes that went way too far.
Gone Girl has a few grisly scenes, but the one that takes the cake is undoubtedly the
scene where Amy brutally slaughters a hapless love interest in order to frame her husband
for the crime.
It's sickeningly violent, and far too disturbing to actually show you, so instead, here's some
footage of a hospital patient being cuddled back to life by adorable kittens.
Trust us, it's for your own good.
Second only to that blue naked guy, the weirdest thing in Watchmen just might be the big love
scene between superheroes Nite Owl and Silk Spectre.
After trying once before and failing when Nite Owl couldn't, uh, perform his superhero
duties, the duo went out and beat up a bunch of crooks, which gave them the pizazz they
needed to do the deed.
It's meant to be commentary on the kinky intersection of violence and romance for people who dress
up in fetish gear to fight crime.
But it's actually just offputting, especially the choice to have Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah"
as the scene's soundtrack.
What the heck were they thinking?
The 40-Year-Old Virgin consists almost entirely of one uncomfortable scene after another.
It's about a bunch of boorish dudes who work at an electronics store and decide to help
their nerdy colleague Andy nail down his first intimate experience.
That advice is disastrous, as shown clearly in the aborted love scene between Andy and
Beth, an overly dominating hookup who nearly initiates Andy into all sorts of things he's
not ready for, before his friends bail him out.
Close call for him and for the audience.
For The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn: Part I, the filmmakers ran into trouble with the
long-awaited moment of physical intimacy between the human Bella and the superpowered glitter
vampire Edward.
Star Kristen Stewart explained the resulting mess to Harper's Bazaar UK, saying,
"It had to be transcendent and otherworldly, inhuman, better sex than you can possibly
ever imagine, and we were like, 'How do we live up to that?'
It was agony.
Which sucks, because I wanted it to be so good."
That's how we all felt about the entire series, so you're in good company, Kristen.
James Cameron's CGI world of Avatar was so different, so alien, that even the act of
physical intimacy was something to behold.
Of course, that doesn't take into consideration whether or not it was something anyone actually
wanted to behold.
Here's the main thing: on the planet Pandora, making love is basically just plug and play.
Thanks to his Na'vi avatar, human Marine Jake Sully can get busy with actual Na'vi female
Neytiri.
Of course, that means connecting the tendrils on the ends of their braids to fully experience
one another in the most intimate of ways.
And let's not forget, this all goes down in a purple jellyfish forest.
Thanks, James Cameron!
"I'm the King of the world."
The 2003 mega-flop Gigli is one of the most renowned critical and box office turkeys of
all time.
And a big part of that is the embarrassingly squicky love scene between Ben Affleck and
Jennifer Lopez.
"It's turkey time."
"huh?"
"Gobble gobble."
Rumor has it that the studio forced acclaimed director Martin Brest to change the film in
order to showcase the real-life romance between Lopez and Affleck.
If so, that was a terrible idea.
So bad, in fact, that Brest retired from filmmaking entirely as a result.
And after watching this love scene, we totally get why.
Howard the Duck is a lot of things.
For instance, it was the first bomb of George Lucas's career.
And it's the only movie, or at least the only mainstream American comedy, to feature a romantic
tryst between a female rock star and a man-sized, anthropomorphic duck.
"let's go for it, mister macho"
"It's just that you're so incredibly soft and cuddly"
Howard has since been reintroduced in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, but so far, there's
been no sign of any romance for Howard.
Fingers crossed we never see this again.
The 1993 sci-fi satire Demolition Man had an ambitious and bizarre view of what "the
future" would be like.
Sylvester Stallone's character John Spartan wakes from a cryogenic freeze to find that
peace reigns, and also that people make love using virtual reality helmets.
What follows is a ridiculous scene where Sandra Bullock's police lieutenant Huxley attempts
to seduce him in the clumsiest way possible, including playing the theme from The Love
Boat as an aphrodisiac as weird images jolt through his mind.
Needless to say, Spartan is not amused or aroused.
"alright Huxley, what do you say we just do it the old fashioned way?"
"ew, disgusting!!
You mean… fluid transfer?!"
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