Film Courage: What are three mistakes screenwriters make with loglines?
Naomi Beaty, Writer, Screenwriting teacher and Consultant: The three that I tend to see
are stopping at the setup.
So describing just the initial situation and not really giving us any indication of what
is the meat of the movie if that makes sense?
Often when we come at stories, we come with an interesting what if and that is a great
entry point into a story but then you sort of have to develop that continuation of the
conflict, right?
What is the real problem that they are trying to solve?
In a logline if you just give me the setup I don’t know if you’ve thought that through.
If you’ve come up with the story part of your screenplay I know that you’ve come
up with a situation but not necessarily a story so that is the first mistake that I
see people make with loglines.
The second one is not having an act two which is a little bit different from the first one.
If you’re conveying to me what’s happening in your movie but it’s something sort of
transitory or that it can be done in one scene or one minute then that raises a little bit
of a red flag because then it feels like maybe you don’t have enough to sustain an entire
movie.
The third mistake I see a lot is packing too much detail into your longline.
Usually this happens after somebody has written the script and so they know so much about
the story and they’ve fallen in love with everything that they’ve written then they
try to distill all of that down into one sentence and it’s really hard because they have all
these details that they know and all of these subplots and supporting characters and character
arcs and all this stuff.
So they will try to jam all of this into one sentence and that just makes it confusing
and we want that logline to ultimately just really convey a solid sense of what that movie
we will be watching if we sit down in the theater.
So we need to know what is that main conflict (that big conflict) that we’re going to
be tracking over the course of that movie and have a sense of the nature of the action
that we’re watching on screen.
What are sort of the broad strokes things that that character is doing in pursuit of
that story goal.
That’s really what you’re trying to get into the logline and like I will say you can
start with those sort of 4 foundational elements, your protagonist, the story goal, the antagonist
or main force of opposition and the stakes.
Start there and write one sentence with those elements and that should give you a really
good start for your logline.
You may need to add a few details but that way you’re starting with a solid foundation
and then you can add details as necessary rather than starting by putting everything
you know about the story into a story and then trying to pull things out.
Film Courage: Going back to the logline example that we did (and I don’t know if this video
will come out before the other one referring to this).
People might be confused to what I’m referring to but the logline that I gave you was definitely
confusing, there was too much (information) in it.
So we cleaned it up and we found out that it wasn’t just about the writing group,
it was more about her finding love.
So that was getting to the meat of it?
Naomi: Yes, because I think if you were going to write that script it sounded like the story
that you wanted to tell was really about this mismatched romance and so that’s what we
want to convey in the logline because then when I read the script or I watch the movie
that’s the movie that I’m getting.
You’re not telling me that DANGEROUS MINDS story.
You’re telling me THE ENGLISH PATIENT or whatever and those are both movies that work
but I want to know which one I’m getting before I pick up that script or before I go
see that movie so making sure that you convey a true sense of the story you want to tell
in that logline, that’s what we’re looking for.
Film Courage: What situation will a screenwriter use loglines?
When will this come up?
Naomi: I think there are a few different situations.
In the classes that I teach we usually we usually start with logline as the first iteration
of your story.
So just like you and I were talking about what’s that story that you actually want
to write, we use loglines as a way to figure that out.
What is this story that you’re trying to tell.
In that case we put more of the focus on getting those essentials of the story into the logline
so we can tell if that foundation is solid before we start developing the story further.
But you might also use a logline in a query letter or to pitch to somebody in person (that
elevator pitch of the story).
So if you’re using that version of the logline you’re probably going to think a little
more carefully about the language that you use because it’s not for internal use anymore
you are actually presenting this as this is the product essentially that I’m trying
to pitch you.
So you will probably be a little bit more careful about word choice and a little more
conscious of getting or really conveying the tone of the story and that feel of the movie
if you can through the word choice and through the language and the way you’re describing
the situation.
Film Courage: Can you explain foundation?
I realize this is jumping a little bit off topic.
Naomi: Yes, when I talk about the foundation that is just me referring to the kind of essential
building blocks of your story.
So the protagonist, the story goal, the antagonist or the opposition and the stakes.
Those are the things that every story needs.
You kind of have to have those elements and so that is where I start if I’m helping
someone figure out what story they are telling or what’s not working about their story,
you just have to start with the foundation layer and then work your way up right?
So we make sure that that is solid and then we talk about the other pieces that go into
your story work.
Film Courage: What if someone says “I don’t have a really strong antagonist but I have
a really great sidekick character.”
Is this because there is no opposition?
There is nothing that this hero needs to overcome?
Naomi: Yes, that could be.
That would be my first instinct.
If someone says they are writing that doesn’t have an antagonist it wouldn’t necessarily
be a deal breaker but I would want to know where is that conflict coming from right?
Because if you are telling a story where sort of nothing goes wrong it’s probably either
going to be a pretty short story or we are just going to get bored pretty quick.
So I would question where is that conflict coming from?
If it’s not sort of a traditional direct conflict that we can see between two people
or a person or a group or that type of thing, then what is making this journey for your
protagonist so difficult or so interesting?