(ambient music)
(sighing)
- Do you know how to make your cheeks clap?
- Uh, no, no yet.
I've been working on it.
- (groans) You guys, the craziest thing just happened at me.
I was in the mythical kitchen
and the oven looked dry, right?
So I poured a bunch of grease in there.
And now there's this huge fire.
- Fire!
- Guys!
Guys, there's a freakin' fire in the mythical kitchen!
We have to do something quick!
- Oh gosh, oh gosh, oh gosh, oh gosh!
Ah, oh my God, who would put a mallet right here?
That's a fire hazard.
(Ian grunts and whimpers)
- Okay guys, this is the emergency scroll.
It says, "In case of the building burning down,
all cast must evacuate calmly
in a single file line in order of attractiveness?"
(ambient music)
- Well, obviously Ian's the most attractive
because his face is perfectly symmetrical.
- Thanks, Damien.
- The top half is the same as the bottom half.
- Yeah, I've noticed that too.
It's like mouth, nose, second mouth.
- No, no, no, guys, these are my eyes.
(groaning and gagging in disgust)
- Ah, come on. - Get to the back of the line.
Well, Courtney's attractive to me
because she puts your dryer sheets in her underwear
so that every time she farts,
it just smells like clean laundry.
- And you know what?
She always smells like clean laundry.
- That's 'cause I'm always farting.
- God, she's likable.
- Yeah, okay, Courtney, get up to the front of the line,
but please hurry 'cause the fire is still going.
- Right.
You know, I'm so glad that we can go about this
in a way that's calm, rational, and mature.
- [All] Yeah!
(groaning and struggling)
- I'm the hottest, I can hold my breath 'till I faint.
- (beep) I can't hold my breath at all,
it just comes out of my nose, look!
(Courtney inhales deeply and groans)
(Courtney sobs and snorts)
- That sucks, Courtney, get to the back of the line!
- Okay. (whines) (Keith laughs mockingly)
- Okay, you guys, is everyone good with this order now?
I mean, we have to evacuate.
- I don't know, there's still a few key factors of hotness
that we haven't covered yet.
Uh, how many Slinkys does everyone own?
- [All] Nine!
- Dang it! What's a tie-breaker?
- Uh, oh, who can take the fastest bath?
Everyone knows the key to being sexy
is taking a bath at lightning fast speed.
- Well, I've been taking a standin' bucket bath
this whole time.
- Oh, all right, Keith, get to the front!
- Don't mind if I do.
(plastic buckets scraping) - Bye, Courtney.
Sorry, just being sexy.
(grunting)
Excuse me, Ian.
Yeah!
(groans in pain) Cramp, cramp.
Could you, could you help me? (Ian murmurs)
Yeah, just help me. Help me be sexy.
Ooh! (plastic buckets scraping)
- It is pretty sexy.
- I'm doin' the splits. - Okay, easy, easy.
Easy, easy, okay.
Wait a minute, Keith!
I just realized we could of used all that werter
to put out the fire.
- Then how we know who's the sexiest?
- Being sexy is not as important as escaping a fire, Keith!
(ambient music)
(Courtney barks menacingly)
I'm the hottest, okay?
Because I have the best night vision!
I'm like a predator!
Now get out of my way you ugly bitch!
- I ran into the kitchen and set myself aflame
so I can prove I'm the literal hottest, I'm the hottest!
- Ah, damn it, okay!
Damien, get to the front of the line!
- Get out, get out.
- Okay, everyone to the kitchen to set ourselves aflame.
- Wait, wait!
- Guys, maybe we've been
making ourselves less and less hot this whole time
because being mean to each other isn't sexy.
Maybe the hottest thing about us is (coughs deeply)
Is friendship.
- [All] Aww!
- Wait, Courtney, are you friend-zoning all of us right now?
I didn't want anybody to die thinking there was a chance.
Now, come on, group hug!
Yeah!
Well now I feel like you're trying to distract us
so that you can- (Courtney squeals)
Oh, there she goes.
(Courtney pants awkwardly)
(Courtney gasps)
- Oh, hi, uglies.
- Tim?
Did you already escape the fire?
- I escaped the fire first because Lisa from HR
crowned me the sexiest in the office.
(Courtney gasps) - You bastard! You bastard!
- Tim, what do you think makes you the sexiest?
- Yeah, tell us your secrets.
- I was the only one in the office
that took the fire safety course.
(intense drumming) (everyone gasps)
- And safety is sexy!
- That's right, Ian.
And now it's time for everyone to die,
except for me, Tim.
(twinkling)
(Ian gasps) - [All] Yeah!
- [Announcer] Take the fire safety course.
Not to make you safe, but to make you hot!
(melancholic classical music)
- [Announcer] A moment with God.
- So, here's how the world was created.
You get a nice big bowl.
And then, you pour in the milk first.
And then, you get a bunch of Legos
and you dump it in there.
You get a big ol' fork.
And you just fork it down your gullet.
And that's how the world was created.
- [Announcer] A moment with God.
- Houses within two shades of beige.
Perfect green grass that's an inch and a quarter long
and not any longer.
Every chain restaurant you can possibly imagine.
Where can you find all that?
Irvine!
- [Announcer] Irvine!
- Hi, I'm, I'm Kimmy Jimenez.
And I'm originally from Irvine, California.
- [Announcer] Irvine!
- See, I'm here now, you can see!
Do you want like five options of Chili's?
We-we-we got 'em!
We got 'em and only in (beep) Irvine!
We also have a mall.
Um, what else we got here in Irvine?
- [Announcer] Irvine!
- We got rid of all the orange orchards and fields, so.
A lot of parks.
But they're not like the, but no sand.
'Cause sand's dirty.
It's like the spongy stuff on the ground.
Irvine!
Come to Irvine, it's fine.
[Announcer] Ir-Ir-Ir-Irvine!
- How would he even do that?
- How we do, do, how would even, how would even?
- You know what I say!
Everyone's hot!
- Everyone is hot but one of us is definitely hotter.
- Do you guys see where this is going?
- I think it's- - Stay tuned to find out.
- I think it's time for a jubilee.
(director laughs)
- Who wrote that?
- This must of been an Anthony thing.
- (gasps) Oh!
(Ian chortles)
- I would say roasted,
but the building's really on fire right now.
(Ian snickers) (cast and crew laughs)
- Well, that's not as important.
Being sexy's not as important as escaping a fire!
- [Director] One more time on that part (indistinct).
- Sorry, and my mic was falling out.
(cast chuckling)
'Kay.
- Well, I've been taking a standin' bucket chal-
Challenge. (hysterical laughing)
- Standing bucket bath this whole time.
Well, I've been taking a bath standin'.
I've been takin' a standin' bath bucket.
I've been takin' a standin' bucket bath this whole time.
- [Director] That was perfect, guys!
- Other than me (beep) up like ten times.
- [Director] No, I loved it.
- You loved it? (laughs)
- Standing bath bucket! (Keith laughs)
- I'm the hottest!
I can hold my breath 'till I choke.
(cast and crew laughing)
Sorry.
- Well, being sexy is not as important
as escaping a fire, Keith.
- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, you're just sayin' that
because you're ugly.
- Whoa! (Ian chortles)
- Oh, little last line ugly little troll!
- Stop!
- That's all right.
- You can't even hit my hand.
(Ian chokes)
- [Director] Oh! - She used a troll kick.
(laughing) She troll kicked.
Highest high kick!
I'll claim my flop, plain accept.
(Keith laughs louder) Back of the line!
(cast and crew laughing)
- Who can kick the boom?
That's who's hottest.
(chuckling) (director speaks indistinctly)
- That was nice. - Thanks gang.
- Sorry, Courtney, you know I don't think you're ugly.