The impeachment of Donald Trump is getting closer.
Today, the Democrats on the House Intelligence Committee
released a 300-page report
outlining the conclusions of their impeachment inquiry.
And while all of this was going on in D.C.,
Trump hopped on Air Force One and flew to the U.K.
And obviously I'm not saying Trump is fleeing the country,
but it was weird that he only bought a one-way ticket.
(laughter)
It was also weird that he bought a ticket for his own plane.
Yeah. The pilot was like, "Mr. President,
"you don't need a ticket for this.
This is Air Force One." He's like, "Oh, yeah?
"Then why does it say 'one-way ticket' on this KFC napkin?
You explain that to me!"
(laughter)
Now, obviously, I'm joking, man.
The real reason Trump was headed to the U.K. was
for a major NATO summit between America and its European allies.
And in classic Trump fashion,
he began the trip with a bang.
President Trump kicked off his meetings here in London
with a freewheeling, impromptu press conference
and some harsh words for French president Emmanuel Macron.
MAN 2: Asked about recent comments
by French president Macron
that NATO is becoming brain-dead, he hit back hard.
Very, very nasty statement.
You just can't go around making statements like that
about NATO. It's very disrespectful.
MAN 3: In the past, President Trump
has had his own harsh words towards NATO.
NATO is-is obsolete.
It's old, it's fat, it's sloppy.
(laughter)
NATO is old, fat and sloppy?
(laughter)
Why is it that every insult Trump uses
against others always seems
to really be about himself?
(laughter, cheers and applause)
No, I don't know if you've noticed it, but every time...
he mocks other people,
it's like it's a pain that's inside of him
that he's trying to project onto others.
Like, where did he get that?
It's almost like he's taking notes
during his fights with Melania. Like, everything he says.
He's like, "Fat and sloppy.
"That's good. I'm gonna use that.
"Um, and how am I in bed?
Maybe there's something in there."
Now, just so we're all on the same page,
what basically happened here is the French president said
that NATO was becoming brain-dead, partly because
Trump's administration had stopped supporting it.
And Trump, as the proud owner of a dying brain,
thought Macron was insulting him personally.
But that's not the only reason there's been animosity
between France and the U.S. right now.
Because as this summit goes on,
there's also a trade war heating up
between the two countries.
NEWSMAN: The Trump administration
is now threatening tariffs of up to 100%
on $2.4 billion worth of French imports,
including wine, cheese and handbags.
The new tariffs are retaliation against new French taxes
targeting U.S. tech companies like Apple and Google.
I'm not necessarily in love with those companies,
uh, but, uh, they're our companies.
They're American companies.
I want to tax... those companies.
They're not gonna be taxed by France.
I'm not gonna let people take advantage
of American companies, because if anyone's gonna take advantage
of the American companies, it's gonna be us.
It's not gonna be France.
(laughter)
Yo. No, I'm sorry, Donald Trump is rock and roll, man.
-(laughter) -I'm sorry.
How dare you take advantage of American companies?
-That's what I was gonna do! -(laughter)
This man is one of a kind.
He's, like, the world's worst superhero. You know?
He'll, like, stop a mugger who's robbing an old lady,
but only so he can fly off with her purse.
-"It's mine!" -(laughter)
So yes...
in response to France announcing taxes
on American tech companies, Trump is now threatening
to tax all the most clichéd French goods,
like wine, cheese and handbags.
Yeah. He was probably also gonna tax French fries and mistresses,
-but that hit too close to home. -(laughter)
Now, although Trump plans to punish France
by taking as much from them as possible, earlier today,
when he actually sat down with President Macron,
he did offer to give France something in return.
We have a...
a tremendous amount of captured fighters,
ISIS fighters, over in Syria,
and, uh, they're all under lock and key.
But many are from France, many are from Germany,
many are from UK-- they're mostly from Europe.
I have not spoken to the president about that.
Uh, would you like some nice ISIS fighters?
I could give 'em to you.
You can take... you can take every one you want.
This is why he's a great politician--
'cause that was one of the greatest non-answers
I've ever heard.
And that's okay.
-Goddamn. Whew! -(gasping, groaning)
That whole... meeting got, as the French say,
very (bleep) uncomfortable.
-(laughter) -S'il vous plait.
I mean, just look at Macron.
You can see from his body language
he's trying to hold himself back,
but deep down he's thinking, "I swear to God,
"this buffoon is gonna make me cut the bitch, I swear to God.
-(laughter) -"I swear to God.
Oh, my God, I'm going to kill him."
(applause, cheering, whistling)
And what a turn this relationship has taken, huh?
I mean, just last year, Trump and Macron
were giving each other friendship trees, remember that?
And now Trump is offering to send him ISIS.
(laughter)
It's pretty dark that Trump would offer
to send ISIS fighters to Macron as a gift.
But, I guess, on the other hand, we have found the one gift
that's worse than a Peloton.