- Heya playa.
Have you ever asked the question,
why don't girls like me?
What am I doing wrong?
Or what are they doing wrong
that they can't realize how good of a guy I am?
Don't worry.
I'm going to help you answer that question
and get to the real answer that you're looking for.
♪ This is The Josh Speaks you're watching ♪
♪ The Josh Speaks ♪
For those of you that are new here, my name is Josh
and every single Monday through Friday,
I make videos, sharing tips, ideas
and stories, teaching you how to be your best self.
So if you want to learn and grow, hit the subscribe button
and make sure to click on the notification bell.
Now there's generally two ways to look at this question.
There's the self reflection piece of it
and asking yourself what you can do differently,
and then there's the outside understanding.
How's the world functioning
and how can you function within it?
First, I want us to look at the self reflection piece.
As you watch this video, I want you to really think
about what your answers are for them.
The first thing you should ask yourself is do you believe
in your ability to be somebody great?
A big reason why people don't feel like girls like them
is because they have no value.
They bring nothing to the table.
They're not anything special.
They're not unique.
They don't stand out.
Maybe they're beta compared to alpha,
all these different factors that hold you back.
We live in a society where a person's worth
tends to come from what they have or what they accomplish.
So if you've never had a girlfriend before,
you've never dated,
you might feel like you are someone that's unlovable.
You're not worthy of ever being in a relationship
or worthy of ever finding someone to care about you.
And that couldn't be anything further from the truth.
It's so important to remember that there's no one else
in this world quite like you.
You bring your own unique thoughts, experiences,
and ideas to the table.
And that's what makes you have the ability
to be somebody great.
And if you don't believe in yourself to start,
how do you expect anyone else to believe in you?
You need to set that foundation
that you are someone of value.
You have worth, your opinions matter.
If you can really believe in that,
you can carry that forward.
It's going to be easier to start approaching people
and actually make relationships work.
And while we're reflecting here,
it's important to look at our own actions
and see where we can make changes.
A lot of times guys do the same type of things
every time they talk to girls.
They use the same lines, they approach the same way.
They never changed things up to see what works
and what doesn't.
And once you start to figure out what works
and what doesn't,
you can start to scrap the things that don't.
Most guys don't think this way.
They tend to see every rejection exactly the same,
forgetting that the person that they're talking to
is also unique, they also bring their own experiences.
No two people rejecting you
are doing it for the exact same reasons.
So each time you get rejected, you should investigate.
You should learn more.
Try to understand what you can do differently
the next time you approach someone else.
Sometimes it really is just small things you can work on.
Maybe message that person a little too much
and you need to kind of cool it.
Message them only when they reply back
or maybe you rush too quickly into romantic things
and you start to say things like I love you
and I really want to date you too early on.
Either way, try to assess your own behavior
before you start critiquing the outside world.
Now, if you feel like your challenges are things outside
of your control, like your height or the way that you look
or maybe you have a stuttering issue,
it's important to focus on the things
that highlight your personality,
that highlight your uniqueness.
They really make you special
and things that you're proud of about yourself.
And that goes back to the first question.
You need to recognize that you can be proud of yourself.
Another thing that guys tend to do
that really hurts their chances with finding a girl
is that they blame girls for making the choices
that they do.
They get upset when a girl says no,
when a girl decides for herself,
or when a girl just doesn't want to be with you.
Look, if you're at the point where you're blaming someone
for making a choice that you don't agree with
based on their own understanding of the world
and experiences, then you've totally relinquished
all responsibility and what control you have here.
You're expecting that person to make the decision
that you want rather than really understanding
the decision that they want.
Trust me on this. I hear it all the time.
Guys tend to blame girls and say things like,
well, girls only liked that type of guy,
and they'll never give this type of guy a chance.
Everything rests on that girl making the decision
that you want instead of really exploring what she wants,
really asking the question, what's her personality like?
What does she like to do for fun?
What type of person would enhance her life
and really attract her in some way?
If you can escape the blame game
and start asking the question,
what can I do, rather than what are they doing?
I think you're going to have a lot more success
because you're being proactive and not reactive.
And I would say another major thing that guys tend to do
that hurts their chances with girls
is that they come off desperate.
They're so focused on being with a girl,
on having a girlfriend, on finding someone
that they lose sight of themselves.
They lose sight of what they bring to the table
because they're so focused on pulling someone in.
When you're desperate and you want it
and you're chasing it so bad,
you start to become so focused
on the idea of being with the girl.
And you start to forget that there's a person
on the other side of that equation,
a person with thoughts and feelings and experiences.
And those are the things
you should be working to connect with.
Not the idea of just being with a girl.
So if you really want to change things
and you want to answer that question,
why don't girls like me?
You need to start
at the root and the root is working on yourself.
Once you can feel comfortable
with who you are and what you bring to the table,
it's going to be so much easier for you to approach people,
to not worry about gaining their approval
or having them like you,
but just in being yourself around them.
Because it's only in being your honest self
that people can open up, feel comfortable with you,
and want to be with you.
What do you think though?
Do you totally disagree with everything I said
and you're just too jaded because women suck
and everyone sucks and life sucks?
If you are, leave your comments down below
let me know your experience with dealing with these feelings
of not having girls like you.
The learning doesn't end there, though.
If you want to learn how to be your best self
you should definitely check out my book
"Embracing the Awkward",
which is a guide for you to succeed at school,
life, and relationships,
all the different areas where people tend to struggle
with social interactions.
Also tap on the playlist right there
on your screen to watch more videos
that are dating tips for beginners.
These videos are going to help you get comfortable
with approaching people,
asking them out on a date
and just making those initial stages work.
Check out those videos, check out the book,
and I'll catch you guys tomorrow.
As always, love and peace.