#MeToo. It’s not just an American thing.
Plenty of European women are posting it too.
And they're NOT only talking about Dominique Strauss-Kahn.
'#MeToo.' Maybe you've seen it on social media.
SO many people posting!
My wife said if you'd include the men,
then there would be a lot more MeToo's.
So - at the risk of stealing her idea...
I 'He-peated' her idea and 'Man-splained' how I’m totally gonna 'Bro-propriate' it.
Now, the gender politics here are mighty complex.
And the European in me says '
'Let's just stay out of it.' ...But the American in me says
'LET'S WADE RIGHT IN!'
Technically, I’m a #MeToo.
Now, if I'm gonna post my 'MeToo,' I want to be specific.
Because there has been some confusion.
I just heard a friend of mine complain:
‘Oh, so some boyfriend body-shamed you once, and now you get to post MeToo too?’
And this was not some Bro talking.
This was a woman
whose 'MeToo' was so much worse...
she doesn't even feel comfortable posting a 'MeToo.'
Funny thing about sexual abuse:
of all the stories you're hearing,
it's only the ones people feel comfortable telling you about.
Okay, so only in the interests of showing how widespread #MeToo is,
I too am a #MeToo.
And I'll be specific.
My first MeToo was when I was like 5 years old.
I guess I was 'molested'
by the old guy in my friend's basement.
As I recall, I was free to leave at any time.
And I don't feel particularly traumatized.
But it is true that - ever since having that thing in my mouth
I've never been able to enjoy scallops.
And no, that was not in Belgium. That was in the US.
Another MeToo was when I was staying at a hotel,
where the owner had let himself into my room
and was feeling me up in my bed.
That WAS in Europe.
I once had a professor who backed me into a corner and put his tongue in my ear.
That was US.
And back to Europe. I once booked a massage -
JUST a massage. But still,
when the ending came, she offered a 'happy ending.'
I told her 'I do not want a happy ending.'
And somehow, accidentally-?
She punched me in the balls.
Funny, right?
Funny how I keep needing to think of these things as 'funny.'
And I know more males who qualify as '#MeToo.'
The point is -
whether it's male or female,
American or European - the cause of a 'MeToo'
is generally just the one gender.
...except in the case of that massage parlor.
'Hell hath no fury...'
And now - in the US - my old high school teacher
is being accused of sexual abuse.
And -
with that in mind -
this whole scandal reminds me of that old joke
of the 2 tourists
who meet a man in a small town and ask him his name.
He says,
'You see that house over there? I built that house.'
'Do they call me Roger the Housebuilder? No.'
'See the church? I helped build the church in this town.'
'Do they call me Roger the Churchbuilder? No.'
'Shag ONE sheep...'
And yeah, now the sheep is a #MeToo.