Trauma is something that’s unexpected, out of our control, and is outside of our ability
to prevent it. And so that really by definition is a loss. You can have the loss of life;
the loss of physical control, which is an injury; the loss of emotional control, which
is a mental health need; you can have a financial loss. So loss of that nature brings trauma.
A mass casualty can take the form of a violent crime or an individual involved in harming
lots of other people. It can be a natural disaster. It can be a combination of those
things. Many times in the public, people don’t know how to respond, and so they kind of default
to what they would perceive to be something that’s helpful. So, donating clothes, knitting
things, sending food, this kind of thing. And ironically, in many situations, that’s
not really that helpful. Somebody drove a truck, a tractor trailer full of fruitcake
and actually parked it in the middle of the disaster zone. You know, one [laughs] fruitcake
would be plenty, actually, but, you know, in the, in the midst of this natural disaster,
it’s not the right kind of resources that people typically need. They need other kinds
of resources, and those needs commonly revolve around immediate safety and security issues,
immediate emotional support, and then time to recover to some degree. What do you typically
get when you say, “Well, is there anything I can do for you?” “Oh, there’s nothing.
You know. I’m fine.” When, at that casket, when you make that comment to that widow at
her, you know, her husband’s visitation, she’s not thinking, “Yeah, the grass hasn’t
been mowed, and my mortgage needs to be paid, and the dog needs to be let out.” All very
practical things. And many times, that’s really what we need to focus on. How do you
discover those practical needs? By asking them.
In the aftermath of a situation, people are recovering emotionally, physically, financially.
And many times, those needs are lifelong. If a person loses his or her job, and can’t
work, that’s an issue of disability. That’s a need. Funeral expenses, dealing with medical
expenses, medical bills, sometimes they’re still trying to make their house payment.
Do they have resources to be able to manage with that? Do they have the ability to get
workers comp or long-term disability? That can be questionable. A manager of a compensation
program, a state compensation program, told me that they consider the average cost of
a shooting victim who survived to be roughly fifty thousand dollars. That’s the calculable
consideration for their cost, their expenses. And so even just financially, that’s where
donations can be helpful. And so it’s important for the public to be thoughtful, to make sure
that whatever account that you might be contributing to is actually legitimate. Take an extra step
or two to ask some questions, to do a Google search, and to make sure it’s legitimate
and authentic.
When you think about how we respond to a person, we challenge people to ask the question: Am
I really defining their trauma for them by the statement that I’m making? For instance,
“God wanted your loved one more than you did; that’s why he took your loved one.”
Well, when you kind of examine that phrase, what are we really doing? We’re defining
that loss for that individual. Most people who are experiencing that kind of loss would
say, “that’s not helpful. I don’t find actually that that is comforting to me.”
Comforting phrases, truly comforting phrases, are really the kind of phrases that empower
the person to have control. One of the big phrases that we use, really, in terms of crisis
intervention is, “I’m so sorry that your loved one died.” And use that person’s
name, “I’m so sorry that Bill died.” Because we’re affirming the value of that
person that they’ve lost, and we’re affirming the reality of what they’ve experienced.
Now, the easiest thing, believe it or not, is to say nothing. And that can be helpful,
just to be with the person. If we don’t know what to say, you can simply say, “I’m
here with you. I just want to support you.”