- A word of warning: these thirst tweets are hilarious,
so buckle up.
But also buckle up because I'm going on tour.
Prepare for laughs, fun, and an amazing night out.
Deets below at DoctorMikeLive.com.
Let's get started. Peewoop!
Nina: Wow, Do you like sleeping?
Me too. We should do it together.
That's pretty good. Do you think that's a pick up line?
- They just went for it.
- Nina comes in with the second one.
You're so hot, even my pants are falling for you.
- I just have some follow up questions Nina.
Are they falling off the hanger?
Are they?
- Clean Pam.
- Are they, are they clean pants?
- No, clean Pam. You're being clean Pam.
(Pamela laughing)
- Dr. Mike can give me a big, long, hard, strong, and heavy
hug at any time.
- It was supposed to be thirsty,
but then it turned out to be platonic.
- Just really sweet.
Just really kind and loving.
- Hey doc, I came in to discuss some preventive health care,
but every time you walk in here I get
premature ventricular contractions.
Want to test the strength of my heart over dinner.
- I like that one, because I learned something.
- What did you learn?
- That premature ventricular contractions
are things about a heart.
- That's true. They are.
They're part of your electrical cardiac rhythm.
- Would you be the C to my G? Or the A to my T?
I don't get it.
- C to my G?
- Sam. We need a lifeline.
- [Sam] Aren't those like the genetic code.
- Oh my God.
- [Sam] That's my high school biology coming through.
- Wow.
- [Sam] Like Gattaca, the movie Gattaca with Jude Law,
has like, you know, the sequencing, gene sequencing.
- Why does he know that?
- I'm sorry, but he just got so much hotter.
And I want you both to switch places right now.
Oh my God.
- How did you know that?
- I am actually turned on.
- Wow. She wants me to be her DNA.
- [Sam] Yeah.
- We could be DNA together.
She wants a child is what she's saying.
Read them, read them to my face.
I want uncomfortable eye contact.
- This one's no words. So I'm going to act it out for you.
(Pam throwing up)
I think that's what that is.
- What?
- Dr. Mike can write and fill my script for vitamin D.
(Pam Laughing)
- Little did you know you don't need a prescription
for vitamin D. It's over the counter.
- That's just over the counter.
You can get that vitamin D over the counter my friend Laney.
- Or just a little bit of sun time.
- Dr. Mike, I've been diagnosed with the lack of serotonin,
dopamine and,
what's that word Mike?
- Oxytocin.
- And oxytocin. But I believe I saw you with a package
that may just maintain my long term cure.
- But why? Why are they low on all the neuro transmitters.
- You should also see a doctor.
(Mike laughing)
- Doc, do you do virtual chest compressions?
'Cuz I feel my heart beating faster when I watch you.
- It's like you haven't learned anything
watching my channel.
You don't do chest compressions
(Pam laughing)
when someones heart is beating.
It's only when homeones,
(Mike gaging)
someone's heart has stopped.
- Home. Hokay. Hokay. Hokay.
Roses are red. Violets are blue. You make my heart skip.
I think I have Mobitz type two.
- Oh, they definitely used that before,
because that's too good.
Mobitz type two is a heart block.
It's funnier when I know.
- It's a second degree heart block.
- Place I would love to be right now.
At the beach sipping a fresh drink or on Dr. Mike's lap.
Yeah, that sounds as a better idea.
- Do I sound like Santa Claus?
- Dr. Mike could break my ribs while giving me
chest compressions and I honestly think him.
- Yes. If you do chest compressions
and you break someone ribs.
They should thank you.
That means you're doing them right and you're saving lives.
- I'd love to get my flu shots with Dr. Mike
and get a lollipop after.
But now that I'm older can I get.
(Pam gagging)
(Pam laughing)
- I give stickers? I don't give lollipops.
- That was shocking. That was so shocking.
- Was there an emoji or a word?
- It was a word.
- A letter or word? Full word? Spelled out?
- Wait a minute.
- But now that I'm older can I get the skin flavored
lollipop please.
(Pam and Mike Laughing)
- [Pam] It was so shocking.
- Of course its Sarah that writes that.
- [Pam] It was so shocking. It was so shocking.
I don't know a word in this one.
- Polydipsia. Means you're thirsty.
- Do I have polydipsia or am I just looking at real Dr.
Mike too often.
- That's good.
- I like that.
- You got to get checked for diabetes though.
(Sam laughing)
Polyuria or polydipsia? You know what polyuria is.
- Is that where you pee a lot?
- Yeah.
- I'm basically a doctor. Okay.
Dr. Mike makes me miss the days when the flu shot
were applied with the pants down.
- Oh no.
- I don't need the flu shot,
but I have no objection against the pants down part.
- [Sam] Did they use to give flu shots with your pants down?
- I don't know
- I always pull my pants down when I'm getting a flu shot.
I just hope you find your forever.
Find the person who makes you whole.
P.S. make lots of those gorgeous babies.
- I want to.
- I hope all of Mike's babies come out looking like me.
I would legit let Dr. Mike take all of my organs
and lie on the operating table and say, thank you.
- What?
- I have so many questions.
Dr. Mike could punch me or step on me
and I'd still thank him.
All of these people are like, you can do whatever.
And I'd still say, please, and thank you.
- But why.
- Dr. Mike could hit me with his car
and drag me to the clinic just to do compressions
and I would thank him.
Also. I got my flu shot,
but I could always use another injection.
This one's just a question.
And it's who gets more attention from the ladies?
Dr. Mike or the Bear pup? The bear pup.
- The Bear pup. By far by far, even on dates.
It's like, where's bear.
I'm like, hi. Hi.
- I've been sick and throwing up lately.
So I decided to take a pregnancy test
and it came out positive,
but I'm pretty sure my parents are going to be mad.
But knowing that Dr. Mike is the father
makes me feel a lot better.
- Oh my God. That is the creepiest thing ever
- I read it in a creepy voice which I don't think helped.
Wishing I could trade places with one of Dr. Mike's
shirts for a day. Them arms though.
- That's cute.
You okay there cow, cowg,
- Did you see. Feel it. Feel it.
- No. Did you hear it?
- Why it cracked?
- Yeah.
- What is that sound?
- Just cracked. It was my arm. It was like up here.
- No, it was down there.
- It was definitely not.
It might have been my elbow.
- It was in the auricular area.
- So it was my vagina?
- That's not what that is Pam.
- I want to be the myelin sheath to your axon.
- She wants to cuddle me.
- How can someone schedule a prostate exam?
Asking for a friend.
That's a butt hole right?
- Yes.
(Mike laughing)
I mean the prostate not a butt hole
but in order to do it we have to go through the anus.
- Bears had a few moms, but I'm trying to be as last.
Lock it down.
- And a few? He didn't have a few moms.
He had a couple moms.
- A couple and a few are the same thing Mike.
- No they're not.
(Sam laughing)
- [Sam] You triggered him with that one.
[Pam Laughing]
- I'm pretty sure my ideal weight is Dr. Mike on top of me.
- That's cute. I like that one.
(Mike clapping)
- Amy, you're in the lead.
I'm thirsty, which means I'm dehydrated.
So I need to grab a glass of water.
Oh, you met that kind of thirst.
(Mike laughing)
I like that one. It's innocent.
To be honest, I feel like Dr. Mike would be sweet
and kind as a partner and I just crave that, you know?
- I need that to. Not even gonna lie.
- I see you in my dreams.
I like that one.
That's cute.
Are you my heart? I'm ready to take a beating.
(Mike laughing)
- I like it.
- I do too.
What? Ooh, what, what this one? What?
Seriously, I would like to test the strength
of my reusable straw on you.
Do you get it?
- [Sam] Where would the straw go?
(Pam laughing)
- Oh. No I, I still don't get it.
I thought maybe she was saying I'm a tall glass of water.
- How do I get Dr. Mike to crush me with this thighs,
with the same tenacity he crushes misinformation with?
Asking for a friend.
I love that one Emily.
- Emily. I would never crush you with my thighs.
- But he does crush misinformation.
- But I do crush misinformation.
- Which I love.
I'm learning how to hit on you. Based off of these tweets.
- No you don't. - Yeah, a hundred percent.
I feel pretty confident in my abilities right now.
- You, you, no, okay go. - Yeah.
- Oh, Hey. I was going to grab one of those,
but if you need it, that's cool.
- Oh, I actually did need a, this cucumber,
but if you want it, you can have it.
- Thanks.
- You're welcome.
- Where are you from?
- Literally two blocks from here.
- No way. What do you, what do you do there?
- I'm an actuary.
- Actuary. Okay. So you deal with like numbers and stuff?
- Actually, I still don't know.
But I tell men that because I'm a comedian
and I didn't want to have to tell you the truth.
- Oh, because I was going to give you a math problem.
- I didn't think you were going to
ask me a follow-up question.
- Just one plus one equals what?
- Not a clue.
Two - Two
- Oh
- Cucumber.
( Pam and Mike laughing)
If you want to get to know Pam better
click here for her story point with me,
or if you want to get to know me better, my personality,
check me out taking a personality test.
Which one's better?
- Honestly. I'm curious about how this turns out.
- Exactly.
Click it.
And as always stay happy and healthy and thirsty
- and fabulous.