Every last inch of me's covered with hair!
Ohhhh Really?
Hello, Internet!
Welcome to film theory.
Where today's little episode will teach you that
Not everything is ay-okay in Disney's fairy-tale universe.
Case in point,
One of my personal favorites:
Beauty and the beast.
Similar to a lot of the classic movies like Snow White and Sleeping beauty,
"B and the B" Opens with a storybook-style preface
That dumps a whole bunch of exposition on the audience.
Meaning the kiddies don't have to shlep through a bunch of backstory
before they get to the singing tea cups and promiscuous feather-duster.
In it, we're treated to a story bout an arrogant, shallow prince
living in a castle that's visited by an old beggar woman on a cold winter's night.
She's looking for a place to stay,
and then tries to trade him a rose in exchange for a night out of the weather.
According to the story, he turns up his nose at her rose,
and is so put off by how old and ugly she is,
that he refuses to let her in.
She warns him that real beauty comes from the inside,
And that he shouldn't be swayed by appearances
But he's having none of it and tells her to get lost.
At that point, she changes into a beautiful sorceress and the prince sees that he's made a huge mistake.
"You've made a huge mistake."
But, his apologies come too late.
In punishment for his arrogance,
she turns him into the beast.
So, what's the theory here?
Well, along with transforming him into a monster,
the sorceress also gives him the rose he rejected.
Which, surprise surprise, happens to be a magical rose.
It comes with a catch that it'll bloom until he turns 21,
at which point he's either had to have found someone who loves him,
OR
He'll stay a beast forever once that last pedal falls.
Basically the most elaborate hourglass ever.
Oh and, before she goes,
all the princes employees are turned into cutlery.
Because of… reasons.
So, ashamed of his looks and with 21 as the magic number,
the beast stays locked in his castle
with all his anthropomorphic household utensils.
Which takes us to the point where the movie starts
and Belle stumbles in ready for some good-old fashioned Stockholm Syndrome.
It's unclear how much time it's taken her to get there,
until Lumière gives it away in the song that'll be played in dinner theaters from now until eternity:
Be our guest.
"Ohhh…"
"Ten years we've been rusting,"
"Needing so much more than dusting."
So, according to the lyrics of the song,
we know that they've been rusting as household appliances for ten years.
But-Wait a minute, how does that make any sense?
We know that when Belle shows up, the rose has "Already begun to wilt".
So we're in the home stretch towards the beast's twenty-first birthday.
If they've been waiting for Belle for ten years,
that means that when the old woman shows up at his doorstep,
the prince was…
AT
AT MOST:
ELEVEN
ELEVEN YEARS
ELEVEN YEARS OLD.
And I know what you're going to say in the comments:
"But Matpat, those are song lyrics. They might just be hyperbolic representations of real story elements."
To which I would say:
"Wow,"
"What an incredibly well articulated response for the Youtube comments section."
But, here's my rebuttal:
Beauty and the beast is one of the best examples of a Disney movie leaning heavily on song lyrics
to forward major plot elements.
It's only through the songs in the movie
that we learn how Belle dreams of finding more in her life,
How we learn that Gaston plans to hold Belle's father hostage,
AND how Belle and the beast are developing feelings for each other.
Belle sings about her book reading habits,
Gaston sings about his tromping in boots and home decorating abilities,
"I use antlers in all of my"
"DECORATING"
I mean,
Yes,
This COULD be a metaphor,
but Siriusly,
look at the antlers he's using in his home decor!
Queer eye for the straight guy, this is not.
These songs aren't about metaphor,
their lyrics are meant to be taken literally.
They're about providing critical information about the characters AND their story.
Which means Beauty and the beast's prologue isn't talking about just a young prince,
it's talking about a REALLY young prince.
So, taking a look back at the movie opening again,
with the prince and the old woman,
we realize that the story we're being told is
FAAAAAAAAAAAAAR
Different from what actually happened.
The beast didn't start as some Jerky, Arrogant member of a royal family,
In reality, the prince,
Who's young enough to still be watching power rangers, un-ironically mind you,
answers the door in the middle of the night
Which, as an aside, should actually fall on Cogsworth as the butler.
#ButtleFail
Once there, this eleven-year-old boy finds a dirty old woman at the front door.
She wants to come in, but he says no, because,
well, you know…
He's a little kid who's alone in the middle of the night!
And she probably stinks of urine, and…
Forest wolf…
or something…
Those things were SO scary…
She offers him a rose, but he's not interested because,
well, can someone say "stranger danger"?
Don't accept candy
(Or creepy glowing floral arrangements)
from strangers, kiddos.
"And knowing is half the battle."
And, when she turns into a beautiful sorceress,
He apologizes because he's a nice kid who didn't mean to offend her.
But the sorceress apparently has a vendetta,
showing no leniency to a kid who was doing what
ALL RESPONISBLE YOUNG KIDS
Should have done in that situation.
She curses him by making him grow up as a monster.
As if puberty didn't suck enough.
Oh, and because she's really a lot more evil than Disney's storybook opening would have us believe,
she also happens to curse everyone else in the house…
because
why not?
Which probably be hatin' on some rich folks up in this hazzause.
Then, over the next ten years,
he hides.
even more than he would as a regular teenager.
during that time, he develops a grand total of zero social skills,
and doesn't even know how to begin when approaching a girl,
Much less getting one to fall in love with him.
In his state of arrested development,
"I've made a huge mistake."
He doesn't know how to react when Belle's father shows up at the castle.
And he behaves NOT like a rational adult,
but like a petulant child.
Which is,
Which is, Surprise
Which is, Surprise (x2),
EXACTLY what he is.
The beast isn't a monster!
He's not even a bad guy.
He's just a little kid
who never had the chance to grow up.
But hey,
that's just a theory!
a theory!
a film theory!
Annnnnnd…
cut.
And if you liked that video, click the rose to subscribe.
If not, I'll put a curse on you that forces you to watch nothing but Disney toy un-boxing videos for the next 50 years.
And if you liked this one, click my theory on Harry potter not being the only chosen one,
by clicking here.
Or, find out why Shrek was a big middle finger to Disney by clicking here.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have an expectorating contest with my name on it.
[Subtitles added by anklejbiter]
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