Hey, it's Annemarie with Speak Confident
English, and in this week's Confident English
lesson, we're dealing with a topic that's really
pretty difficult. For example,
have you ever had to tell one of your best friends that you can't go to her
wedding? I had to do that once and honestly it
was one of the worst days of my life. Or maybe at work,
you need to tell your boss that your project is going to be over budget and
you're going to miss the deadline. Definitely an awkward and uncomfortable
situation. Or perhaps it's your responsibility to
tell a colleague, someone you really like,
that they didn't get the promotion that they wanted.
In all of those situations, you're probably dealing with that really
uncomfortable feeling in your stomach thinking,
I really wish I didn't have to do this, but the reality is there are times in
life when we have to give someone bad news,
but we can do it in a really professional and caring way and that's
what I want to help you do in this Confident English lesson.
Now anytime we give bad news, it's normal that we feel some
nervousness and anxiety because we know we're going to hurt someone else or make
them upset and nobody really likes to do that,
but today I want to give you seven steps you can use in English to help you be
prepared so that you can think clearly about what you're going to say and you
can do it with care and professionalism. And I'll give you specific examples of
phrases and expressions you can use in English,
both for professional and personal situations.
By the end of this lesson, if you use these seven steps,
you will be able to give bad news in a calm,
friendly, and peaceful way for both you and the
person receiving the bad news. Step number one,
be prepared. If there's ever a situation in life
where preparation is important, this is it.
In that preparation, you want to think about the words you're
going to use in advance and the reasons that you'll give for this particular
situation or the bad news that you have to give.
Not only should you think about what you're going to say,
but I also recommend practicing it, saying the words out loud so that you
can control your voice, control your intonation,
and get comfortable with the words you're going to use,
and then you'll use steps two through seven to help you.
Step two is be direct and assertive. When you have to give someone bad news,
it's definitely not a good time for polite conversation or small talk.
The other person probably knows that there's some bad news and this is the
time to just go straight to the point or cut to the chase.
A great idiom in English for that. Some common ways that we introduce bad
news and get straight to the point are, I'm so sorry to have to tell you this,
but... I'm so sorry to have to tell you this,
but we're going to be over budget or I'm afraid we won't be able to...
I'm afraid we won't be able to finish the project on time.
And finally, there's no easy way to say this...
There's no easy way to say this, so I'm just going to say it.
You didn't get the promotion. Now,
before we go on to step three, if you found these sentence starters
helpful to you, I've provided several additional
examples in the online lesson and you can find a link to that just below this
video and in this step I said it was important to be direct and assertive.
Assertive means communicating in a clear,
confident way, and if you missed it just a few weeks
ago, I did a full lesson on how to be more
assertive in English and I'll include that information below as well.
Now let's go on to step three. After you deliver the bad news,
give someone time. The truth is,
after we receive bad news, it can be really hard to process and
understand what's going on and dealing with all those emotions,
so the best thing that you can do after giving someone some bad news is then
give them some time, a minute or two to process what you've
just told them.
For example, you could say something like,
I know this was a real shock. I'll give you a moment to think about it
or I'll give you a moment to clear your head.
Step number four is to give the background details.
People always want to know why, so you need to be prepared to explain
why with just a few simple, clear details and what I mean by that is
you want to stay focused on the facts. You don't want to give unnecessary
details or excuses, so the best thing is to think of one,
two, or maybe three simple,
clear reasons that you can give for the bad news and a couple of ways that you
can start to explain that are with phrases like,
unfortunately there were some problems with...
For example, unfortunately there were some problems
with the supplier or for example, after consulting with the accounting
department, we realized that we underestimated the
cost of this project.
Step five of delivering bad news is to be caring.
It's likely that the news will be really upsetting or even unexpected,
and the best way to do that is to offer sympathy and help stay calm in the
situation. Some common ways that we do that in
English or with sentences like this. I can appreciate your feelings.
I know that this isn't what you hoped for or I'm sorry,
I know this isn't what you wanted. Step number six is be supportive,
but we have to be careful with this one. In some situations after delivering the
bad news, offering alternative solutions or trying
to focus on the positive can be helpful, but if the news is particularly bad,
sometimes trying to focus on the positive can actually be even more
hurtful or offensive, so we really need to be careful and
aware of how the other person is feeling,
but in those situations where it is helpful to offer solutions or focus on
the positive, you can use some sentences like:
it's not what you wanted but... It's not what you wanted,
but what if we delayed the launch of the new product?
Would you like to talk about some alternative solutions?
That's a great question to ask to see if someone is open to brainstorming and
thinking about something that wasn't what they really wanted,
but now there might not be another alternative.
And finally, step seven,
when giving bad news is to not take it personally.
I'm sure that you know that when receiving bad news,
emotions go all over the place. Someone might feel angry and sad and
everything in the middle, and it can change very quickly,
and even if you've delivered the bad news in the kindest,
friendliest, most peaceful way,
it's possible that they will still feel some anger towards you or some
frustration because you were the one that gave them the bad news.
So the key is to not take it personally, but instead be sympathetic of what that
other person is going through. In English,
we have the expression, don't shoot the messenger and this is
exactly why. The best thing that you can do is stay
calm and remember to focus on how they're feeling.
Some great ways that you can do that are to say something like,
I can see that you're really angry or I can see that you're really upset and I'm
so sorry. In an informal situation,
if you're talking to a family member, a friend,
or a coworker that you're very close to, you could even say something like,
this totally sucks. I'm so sorry.
So what does it sound like when we put all of these strategies together?
Let's look at a couple of examples. Hi,
Stephen. I'm afraid I've got some bad news.
The company has offered the promotion to someone else.
I'd really hope to offer you the position,
but the management team chose another applicant because they have more
experience. I know this isn't what you wanted to
hear, but I hope you'll continue to seek
opportunities like this with the company as you have a lot to offer.
In that example, we can hopefully see that there is some
preparation beforehand and we got straight to the point in a direct,
assertive way. We explained clearly what happened and
gave reasons why. Also there was language that was
sympathetic and supportive. Let's look at one more example that's
more informal. Hey Emily,
I've got some bad news. I know we planned to go on vacation
together next month and you've already paid the deposit,
but unfortunately I have to attend a conference for work and there's no way I
can get out of it so I won't be able to go.
It really sucks and I'm so sorry to let you down.
It's not the same, but what if we look at a long weekend
trip together, the month afterwards,
and I'll repay you for the deposit. Once again,
we've put together all the steps so that while we are giving bad news,
we're also working to be kind, friendly,
and peaceful in the process.
So now it's your turn to give it a try. But before I share this week's
challenge, question with you,
if you found this lesson useful to you, I would love to know,
and there are three ways that you can tell me.
Number one, give this video a thumbs up on YouTube
and subscribe to this channel so you never miss a future lesson.
Number two, share it with friends and colleagues on
Facebook. And number three,
if you know someone who really needs this advice,
be sure to send it to them by email. And now here's your opportunity to
practice in situation. Number one,
I want you to imagine that you need to tell your closest friend that you won't
be able to come to her birthday party next month and you've been planning it
together for weeks. So how could you use these steps to give
that bad news in a really kind and friendly way?
Then in example, number two,
it's your job to tell your colleagues that there is no money in the budget for
an end of year party or any bonuses at work.
That's really hard news to deliver. How could you put these strategies
together to deliver that news? And finally,
if you've ever had to give bad news in English,
I'd love to hear about it. Maybe you even have some additional
advice that might be helpful for others in the Confident English community.
Be sure to share that in the comment section below.
And with that, thank you so much for joining me this
week and I look forward to seeing you next time for your Confident English.