- Burr runs for president
against Hamilton's arch nemesis, Thomas Jefferson.
It was a tie between Jefferson and Burr,
and people went to Hamilton and they said,
hey, should we vote for Burr or Jefferson?
Hamilton was like, blah, blah, blah.
No, vote for Jefferson.
I disagree with him.
At least he has an ethos.
He said, if oppressed, if pressed like a juice,
I dunno what the (beep) stands for.
- Today we're gonna talk to you about the election of 1800.
Thomas Jefferson and John Adams.
They were founding fathers of America
and they were also the best of friends.
Adams was like the constitution.
You can kind of bend that, how you need to bend it.
We can kind of work with this.
And Jefferson was always like,
constitution is the constitution, can't (beep) with that.
But they loved each other, until Adams became president,
and immediately they started butting heads.
John Adams was like, it's illegal to talk any (beep)
about the president of the United States.
And if you disagree with the federal government,
(beep) you and Jefferson was like, well, this is tyranny.
That's a violation of little something
called freedom of speech.
It all really reaches a its head on the election of 1800
where these two lifelong friends
were pitted against each other.
Adams is like, if you elect Thomas Jefferson,
here's what you're gonna get, murder all the time.
Everybody's gonna be murdering each other.
Incest.
Your wives will lose their virtue,
having sex with a lot of dudes, willy nilly.
So, Jefferson starts talking a lot of (beep)
about John Adams.
We're talking about guys who like created this country.
They were really like a bunch of eighth graders.
He was like, you know what?
Adams has prostitutes shipped in
from overseas that he bangs all the time.
I'm just gonna, just gonna tell you that right now.
I feel like I keep seeing spit flying from my-
- [Man] Yeah, no, I'm feeling it.
- Am I spitting a lot?
- [Man] Yeah, you're seeing it.
- That's good.
- I'm in the splash zone.
- So, Jefferson went to the newspapers.
He says, I want to tell you this.
John Adams is a hermaphrodite.
He's got both man and woman sex organs,
but this is like a published statement
from Thomas Jefferson.
Adams was like, okay, fine.
You want to go that route,
that's when (beep) got really dirty.
Adam says, oh, by the way, if you were thinking
about voting for Jefferson, you shouldn't,
because he's dead.
- [Man] It's a pretty good campaign.
- [Patrick] It's a very good campaign.
- [Man] Vote for me, I'm alive.
- [Patrick] Yeah even if you disagree with everything I say,
at the very least I'm alive.
- [Man] Would you rather be accused
of having a penis and a vagina or being dead?
- I think being alive with the penis and vagina
would be an amazing experience.
And you're alive.
Jefferson calls upon a hatchet man
James Calendar, to publish newspaper articles about Adams.
Adams...
What was I gonna say here?
Oh yeah, and he is gonna go war with the French.
That's what was published in the newspapers.
And it's a lie, it's not true at all.
America was like, I don't wanna go to war with the French.
That sounds terrible.
And they elect Jefferson into office.
Jefferson wins.
Adams is like, you want to go with this loser, fine.
But before I leave, I'm going to appoint all of these people
who violently oppose everything Jefferson stands for.
And then he is like, I hope you like all these (beep).
So, cut to four years down the line
and Jefferson's daughter dies.
And Abigail Adams is like, look,
I know we've had our differences with Jefferson
but I should pop him off a letter.
She's like, look, I'm really,
really sorry about your daughter.
And it sucks that she is dead.
Jefferson gets this letter and he is like,
I want to thank you so much
for being so considerate about the death of my daughter.
But while I've got your attention,
I also wanna tell you, (beep) you, and (beep) your husband
for being such (beep), who (beep) up my presidency.
This is how immature these great men
of American history were.
He can't even like, just,
like this should have been two separate letters.
She's like, John, you know what?
We're done with Thomas Jefferson.
He's an (beep).
I tried to make it work with this guy.
But, (beep) him.
So these two don't speak for a decade.
Eventually Benjamin Rush,
who was another founding father was like, look,
John Adams, Johnny, I love you two guys.
Why aren't you speaking anymore?
Why can't we all be friends like we used to
back in those glory days?
Those 1776 days, they were so magical.
And John Adams was like, look, I love Tommy Jeff's,
I'm a big fan, I'll pop him off a letter.
It's very general.
It's like, hey, how you doing?
I, you know, I miss you, I hope you're all right.
How's things going?
Jefferson gets the letter.
He's like Adams, Johnny Ads, good to hear from you, buddy.
It's been 10 years, how's life?
And then the letters start flowing
and before you know it,
they start to connect on certain things.
They start to connect on,
I'm a little concerned about slavery.
Thomas Jefferson was like I'm anti-slavery,
but I do have hundreds of slaves.
What am I talking about?
- Keep going, you got it.
- It's weird how quickly alcohol
makes you not realize what you said at all.
So, by the end of their life,
these two have exchanged 158 letters,
and they're best friends again.
Then it's 1826.
John Adams is on his death bed,
and his last words are independence forever.
And also, Thomas Jefferson survives,
because that guy's (beep) awesome.
Little did he know that just a few hours prior,
miles and miles away,
Thomas Jefferson had also died.
That day was July 4th,
the 50th anniversary of the signing
of the Declaration of Independence, which is crazy.
- [Man] That's true friendship.
- [Patrick] True friendship.
- [Man] Cheers.
- To friendship, you're my best friend.
- [Man] We barely know each other.
- Okay, but we're best friends.
- Richmond, Virginia, July 17th, 1803.
James Calendar is found floating
face down in the James River.
How did he get there?
Are you curious?
- Very.
- Well in order to find out,
we need to go back 10 years to 1793,
James Calender, Scottish immigrant, salacious journalist,
and a drunk, gets a job as a stenographer
with the new Congress.
And he is like, guess what?
I don't trust any of these assholes.
And I don't, I don't buy what they're doing.
He is suspicious to the point where he starts
digging up information on them.
And so, James Reynolds shows up at a bar.
and says to Alexander Hamilton, hey, unless you pay me,
I am going to let this story out
that you were b-b-b-b-banging my wife.
So Hamilton is writing a check, but more importantly
he's writing the check from the United States treasury.
So Calendar's like, Hamilton's not only having an affair,
but he's taking money from our government.
Like how dare he do that.
And he basically with one article ruined Hamilton's career.
Hamilton is like, God damn you, God-
God damn you, James Calendar, you son of a bitch.
Gone.
Calendar sits back and is like, that's where I get my high.
But out of the shadows comes Thomas Jefferson.
And it was like, hey, I saw what you did with Hamilton.
Nice work, John Adams right now is the sitting president.
Calendar goes, duh.
Jefferson's like, I want to be president, take Adams out.
I will hook you up.
Calendar's like, I doubt you can do what I want
because I wanna become the postmaster general of Richmond.
And Jefferson goes, dude,
I shit postmaster generals of Richmond for breakfast.
(both laughing)
Calendar goes fine.
Let's do it, bitches, let's do it.
Calendar writes a new article.
He calls Adams pro-monarch.
That was bad.
John Adams is sitting there going like,
what, no, I am not.
I am not pro-monarch, but the people believe it immediately.
So, Jefferson becomes president,
but guess who's going to jail.
Calendar for sedition charges,
basically writing to create revolt
against the government.
And calendar's like, this is pretty rough,
but Jefferson promised me this'll be worth it.
And Jefferson is like, holy shit.
I'm president, Adams is out.
I'm in and Calendar.
Oh, holy shit, Calendar's in jail.
Hey, hey Jerry, Jerry, can we pardon...
Can we pardon...
Calendar?
And Jerry's like, nah, yeah, we can pardon anyone you want,
you're the goddamn president.
He goes, okay.
Pardon Calendar.
He gets outta jail, runs to see Jefferson.
He's like Thomas, that it was awesome.
We did it.
Let's make me the postmaster general of Richmond.
And Jefferson literally was like, yeah, Jerry,
could you please pay Calendar $50?
And then escort him out.
Calendar's like, are you kidding me?
I'll take the $50 for sure.
But guess what, Jefferson, you wanna mess with me?
I got one gun and that's called gossip,
and gossip, gossip, gossip, gossip, gossip, gossip.
And so, Calendar lets out a piece of information so damning,
nobody could survive it.
Hey, guess what?
Jefferson's not as cool as you think,
he is having an affair with Sally Hemings.
Who's Sally Hemings?
Oh, just his slave.
Everyone is like, what are you kidding me?
- What did Jerry think about that pamphlet?
- So Jerry is like, did you hear about this?
And Jefferson goes, don't put it so close to my face, Jerry.
And Jerry goes, I can do nothing right.
I can do nothing right.
And by the way, Jerry, 80 years old.
(both laughing)
So, everyone's like looking to Jefferson
to see what he says, but guess what?
He decides to ignore it.
He just goes, huh?
I'm sorry, I don't know what you mean, I don't know.
And he's slowly backing out the door,
and Calendar's like, no, no, no, no, no.
You can't leave.
You have to address this.
Everybody in my past has addressed these things
as they have come up and he just goes no, bye.
And Calendar's jaw dropped.
Like what did he just pull on me?
And because he didn't care
the people didn't really care as much.
They're like, hey, Calendar, Calendar, nice try, you dick.
His drinking got worse, he's broke.
And here we are in 1803.
So what happened?
Did he walk down to the James River
and maybe he was too wasted and he stumbled.
Boom, hit his head, floated out to the middle and died.
That's possible.
Or was something more sinister going on?
He had a lot of enemies at that point.
Hamilton, Adams, Jefferson,
they're founding fathers of America.
And to think that they are suspects
in a murder mystery is sort of mind blowing.
- I mean, try to name three bigger names.
- The Rock.
- Well, I mean, when it comes to-
- Sandra Bullock.
- Founding our nation.
- Jack McBrayer.
- Jack McBrayer is actually the answer we were looking for.
Congratulations.
Hey guys, I murdered James Calendar.
- I'm peeing myself.
(both laughing)
(dramatic music)