Hey, Florida.
It's me, Conan O'Brien, here to talk to you about voting.
Even though 98% of my fans can't go to the polls
because they're either preteens or convicted felons,
that won't stop me from addressing you,
the voters of Florida.
Once again, you're playing a crucial role
in picking our president,
so whatever you do, don't forget to vote.
Forgetting to vote would be like
going into a Publix supermarket
to order the Boar's Head Maple Honey Turkey Sub
with Saint Andre soft-ripened cheese
and then forgetting the mayonnaise.
Or like forgetting you retired
and moved to Brookville, Florida
to play golf at the fabled Pine Barrens golf course,
but instead decided to play quarterback
for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.
And if you're gonna vote by mail, vote early
because this year the Postal Service may be slower
than a senior on the Dale Mabry Highway
who just realized they missed the turn off
for the Courtney Campbell bridge to Clearwater.
(laughs) Yes.
I know my Florida.