Have you ever considered what porn is for?
Likely you're using it to feel good.
What is also likely is that ultimately it is making you feel bad.
Very bad.
I'm Dr. Trish Leigh.
Let's break it down together
in this video I want to share with you three important concepts.
Number one, I want you to explore and investigate
if porn is actually doing what
you want it to do for you, what its purpose is.
Then number two, I'm going to share with you
what is happening in your brain when you consume porn and when you're not.
So that ultimately that purpose is likely shattered.
And then number three, I want to encourage you
how you can shift that framework so that when you get on true purpose in your life.
first of all, there's no need for porn anymore
because you're going to learn it's not serving you.
And then how you can shift that purpose and how you can know
that your brain is performing better so that you will achieve
the end that you are using porn for.
OK, let's dove in, and that's a big one.
Number one, what is the purpose of porn use?
So we know it is a means to an end.
So the end likely is pleasure.
So there's typically three reasons that people consume pornography.
Number one is seeming pleasure.
And I always call it seaming because dopamine is the neurotransmitter
that chases down pleasure.
Unfortunately, it never finds it ultimately,
but it is the pleasure seeking neurochemical.
So when people consume porn, usually it's
because they want to get some pleasure
to escape the chaos or the pain, or just the normalcy of life.
Secondly, we know that porn use is used for boredom.
So if you're bored, it fills a lot of time
and it becomes a way that your brain gets this rush.
Plus, you're not sitting around doing nothing.
Then number three, the number one reason
the top reason is to de-stress,
to take the edge off of anxiety.
Science shows that's the number one reason that people
go to porn for seemingly pleasure.
So pleasure get get rid of boredom and to take the edge off of anxiety.
That's why people are going to porn.
So let's investigate this together, and I want you to think about this for you.
Think about this for you, your life, what you have going on.
So the purpose is using porn as the means
to get to the end of pleasure and feeling good.
Is it doing that for you?
Because what we also know from the neuroscience is that
there is a pleasure pain paradox that when you end up chasing pleasure down
too much, it ultimately creates a lot of pain.
And the science shows that poor news creates
anxiety, depression, brain fog, difficulty
thinking, focusing and attending erectile dysfunction.
We know relationships are destroyed by porn use.
Break ups are two times as likely.
We know that relationships with friends and with children and with colleagues
and with employers are also broken and are not being are now
folding out as well as they could if porn wasn't in the mix.
Because we also know that porn creates the Dr.
Jekyll and Mr.
Hyde syndrome, where people don't know which version they're going to get of you.
Are they going to get the angry version that needs a dopamine hit
or are they going to get the happy version that just got one?
So let's Segway into thinking about what happens in your brain
when you are caught up in a compulsive pornography consumption habit.
What happens is your brain is on a cycle.
Whether you know it or not, it's cycling through the need for dopamine.
To offset the pain of reality that is being created
by porn is the not so irony of the situation,
but being pulled back into the screen
to get a dopamine hit so that you can feel better .
That is a short lived hit.
On the other side of that is the B aspect of this
a b pain pleasure paradox.
So first comes pleasure, then comes a lot of pain for more of the time.
So now you try to go into your world and there's no dopamine there,
which creates the anger in the ear ability , which makes it
so that your brain wants to go back to the screen again.
So the idea is you're using porn to feel good
and to take the edge off anxiety, but it's actually making you feel bad
and creating more anxiety when you're not consuming it.
So the means does not create the end.
So what can we do to create the end?
What we can do is get on purpose
so that you're not in pain in the real world
and needing to hit the easy button to go back into the screen.
Now, when you're on purpose in your world
and you are working on work that feeds your soul
and makes you feel good, you have relationships that people
you actually like hanging out
with and spending time with and doing hobbies that you enjoy.
Now you can feel good in the world all the time.
There's no need to escape into the screen.
Now, it might be challenging to break that habit because we know
when a habit is ingrained neurologically, it takes time
to weed over those old neural pathways and to build new ones.
But it can be done by building the habit
of being on purpose in your life.
So what happens is this way when you are no longer
watching, we will not have the doubling down.
one of pain in your real life that will start to lift and subside,
things will become clearer, your relationships will get better
because you won't be swinging back and forth between Dr.
Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.
You will be able to feel calmer and more focused.
Things will lift for you.
I'm telling you.
So let's think about this because you might not believe me yet,
and this is going to be a take away.
So I've told you before sex and porn
are not the same thing, and people say to me all the time.
Trish, you're probably no fun because you know you're you're against porn.
I'm against porn because it damages brains.
And I'm a neuroscientist.
No neuroscientist in the world wants people doing something
that damages their brain, but not real sex.
Real sex doesn't damage a brain.
It is a means to an end that actually achieves the purpose.
So let's just put them side by side.
Porn use.
So the way porn use goes is you're triggered.
You feel anxious about you just had an argument with your girlfriend
or you have financial situation that needs to be dealt with.
You're not feeling well physically.
You have an injury and you say, I'm just going
to watch some porn, it's going to make me feel better .
So you go on to the screen, you consume some porn, your brain lights up
like it's on fire with dopamine, this massive dopamine rush in the cycle.
Then when you're comin down around to the bottom of the cycle
now you feel guilty.
You feel filled with shame
because it's not congruent with the person that you want to be.
Porn use is not congruent with an identity of dignity and integrity.
It's just not.
So now you're on the bottom of the cycle and you're like,
Hmm, I wish I didn't do that.
And so then your relationship strained because of it.
It's not achieving the purpose.
So now your cortisol spikes and you go back into the world
and it's pain, pain, more pain, doubling down on pain.
Now, real sex, you had a rough day, but you're not going to use sex
to regulate your mood, but you had a rough day in your relaxing.
You've played basketball, which you enjoy.
It's a hobby that you like.
Now you're watching a movie with your honey.
You're watching Dune, which is two hours and 53 minutes,
actually enjoyed it very much.
The hubs and I had a great time on Sunday watching it.
Very good movie. I was not expecting to like it.
We had a great time.
I tell you about us. We're on the couch.
Kids keep interrupting.
They're looking at us like we're two teenagers just hanging out
watching a movie.
Anyways, you're watching a movie with your honey,
and now it's time to get frisky with your honey.
So it's time for some fun, engaging sex.
No, it doesn't have to be boring.
It it can be spicy.
It can have connection at the same time.
It can be fun and engaging.
But guess what happens?
Dopamine gets flowing at lower levels, but good levels, healthy levels.
Serotonin is flowing.
It's creating happiness in your brain.
Oxytocin is flowing
and it is coupling you to your partner in a really powerful way.
And so you get your groove on and you're done.
You're cuddling.
Building that connection and now you go back into the world.
But what happens when you go back into the world
after sexual relations with a partner that you care about?
Guess what happens?
Your world is better.
Your brain is glowing.
It's not lit up on fire like it is after a porn session,
but it's glowing in a beautiful way that will linger with you,
and it'll stay with you all day long in a really healthy way.
And now you and your partner are closer, not further your identity.
As a person who can relate with another human being and do lots of giving,
not just taking is being burrowed in those neural pathways.
So when you have sex with a partner, it is healthy.
It is a means to a healthy end when you consume pornography.
It is not.
So the brain tip for the day is
you have to stop hitting the easy button
if you want to become the person that you want to become.
People want to live lives of dignity and integrity.
When you decide what your porn use is for,
remember it's a perception that comes from you.
So when you shift your perception and remind yourself of the life
that you are trying to create and see if porn use actually fits
into that life, you will realize it does not .
It is not the means to the end that you think it is.
Or in the way that you think it is.
So your perception, your outlook
of how you're using it and what it's for can change.
And when that changes, your brain becomes healthier.
You no longer need the screen.
You will either go to your partner and start
building the relationship that you deserve and that your partner deserves.
Or you will get healthy energy and you'll be able
to go out into the world and attract a partner to you.
So many people say, I just use porn because I don't have a partner.
If you continue to go into the screen
and move through that cycle and create the pain in your life,
you won't be able to attract that partner to you.
When you leave the screen behind, you will start to glow and that glowing
will attract the perfect partner for you, of course, in a pragmatic way.
You know what?
I think you're
not going to go stand on a street corner and someone's going to walk up to you.
Actually, maybe they would, but maybe not.
What you might need to do is put yourself in circles
where you can find a like minded partner.
That is the perfect partner for you, who will watch June
for two hours and 53 minutes and have a great time doing it.
OK, so get on purpose in your life.
Leave the screen behind if you need any help in that journey.
Reach out to me, DrTrishLeigh.com
I'm here for you.
We have programs of different shapes and sizes.
I'd love to help.
And until next time, control your brain or it'll control you.