No matter who you are, or what you do, we all have battles to fight.
Many of these battles are fought silently beneath the surface. Other times
things get so tough we can't hide that something is wrong. Whether our struggles
are visible or invisible, diagnosed or undiagnosed, we should know that it's
okay to reach out for help, and it's okay to offer help when you see someone
struggling. We're never as alone as we might feel. Inn today's story we want to
empower all BYU students to better understand how to help those around them
who are going through hard times. Allow me to introduce one of my mentors Dr.
Julianne Holt-Lunstad who I worked for as a research assistant. My research over
the past two decades has focused on the powerful affects our social
relationships can have on our happiness and well-being but also on our physical
health, and on the flip side how detrimental loneliness can be.
The importance of loneliness is being recognized now more than ever with the
highest prevalence rates being among younger adults. Many are referring to
this as a loneliness epidemic. It's important to recognize that we can be
surrounded by others in real life and online and yet still feel profoundly
lonely. We all want to feel loved accepted and that we belong. The good
news is that meaningful, positive relationships can actually have
incredibly powerful, protective effects and reduce loneliness. Pay attention to
your friends roommates and those around you, and don't be afraid to reach out to
them if they're struggling. You don't need to be highly skilled or someone's
best friend to reach out and help. Pay attention to a few simple ideas from
fellow students for how you can help someone who's lonely, depressed, anxious,
or struggling.
Listening intently and compassionately is so important. Just the very act of
taking the time to listen to someone who is having a hard time can help that
person know that they were cared for and valued. I've had times in the past when
I've either been too busy or tired or didn't know the best way to help a
friend who was struggling. I've also had times when I've been able to stay up
long into the night and been a resource to friends who needed a listening ear.
Taking the time to simply listen, really listen, to someone can be valuable
experience for you as well as them.
While you're listening make sure you offer love, care, and support. Let them
know they are loved and needed and that what they're going through is hard.
They're 100% entitled to feel what they're feeling. Part of validating their
experience is to not equate it to someone else's. Even telling someone that
you know what they're going through or understand how they're feeling can be
counterproductive. You most likely can never know everything someone else is
going through feeling or experiencing. Those things are uniquely theirs. In my
own life when I'm struggling, I'm not usually looking for someone who
understands just someone who cares and will support me no matter what, and I try
to do the same for others.
You may be tempted to offered problem for the person who's struggling.
You should avoid doing this unless they expressly asked you for that kind of
help. Nine times out of ten what a person needs is simply for someone to listen.
For me when I'm going through something hard,
I feel listen to when people show me they care with our body language. I also
appreciate it when someone follows up with me and sees how I'm doing when I
run into them on campus, and remember you are not a licensed professional. Don't
get caught up in trying to solve problems yourself. Offer a listening
ear, and offer to help line up further resources which may include mental
health assistance online or from a therapist.
Sometimes it may seem like our efforts to help are going nowhere. In these
moments it's important to recognize that it can be painful for people who are
struggling to accept help because they don't want to feel like a burden. They
might even think that they deserve to feel how they're feeling. Assure them
that that's not the case. As someone who struggles with depression and anxiety, I
personally know how hard it is to ask for and accept help from others, but that
help can make all the difference. It's all right to be persistent and looking
for ways to help those who are struggling. Remember that just because
someone might not want help right now, doesn't mean they won't want it tomorrow
or next week. Helping people who are struggling doesn't have to be big or
complicated. Bring them food, write them a note, wash their car, think of simple ways
to serve them. Remember that asking someone is there anything I can help you
with isn't usually effective. Think of other ways to ask that being more specific.
There are a couple of myths that keep people from intervening effectively when
they have friends who have suicidal thoughts. One of the biggest myths that
we see about suicide is that nobody can stop a suicide. Once somebody's made up
their mind, it's inevitable. We know that this is not true. You can learn how to
help somebody in a suicide crisis. Another common myth that we see is that
talking with somebody with whom you're concerned about suicide might plant that
idea in their head where they weren't thinking about it before. We know that
this is also not true. Talking with somebody about suicide
reduces distress and increases hope. There are things you can do to help
those who may be struggling with thoughts of suicide. QPR stands for
question, persuade, and refer and is a program of first aid for those who may
be in suicide crisis.
If you need help personally, and people aren't reaching out, don't be afraid to
pick someone and ask them for their help. Even though it might be hard, know that
there are many around you who love you and want to help. Thank you for watching.
You really can make a difference in the lives of those around you. Let's continue
to make our BYU community a caring and loving place for everyone.