Is it all in proportion? Where's your mum?
How's the weather down there?
Fucking a dwarf's on my bucket list.
Good luck with that. It won't be me!
Can I have a photo?
Uh, no...is the answer to that.
You know what it's about when he's like, "OH! I've seen a dwarf!"
But what makes me laugh is when they try and take a secret one.
One of them little, sneaky things that I see they're doing
on the tube, like that. Oh, I hate that. Do you know what I mean?
When the flash comes on. I know, yeah.
I just go, "Excuse me?"
They've got no control over it. No control over
the discussion about it.
Why are you taking a photo of me? "Oh, I was taking a photo
"of the floor." Were you?
Where's your mum?
I'm in town with my mates, walking around, going to the shops
and, like, people come up to me and go, "Are you OK? Where's your mum?"
People come, like, electrician people to the door like,
"Is your mum in?"
I used to work with children, pre-school children,
and when we used to go out on outings and that,
I used to dread it.
Cos the staff used to always huddle me in.
I've heard of friends, who've gone into a restaurant with family
or something and they've been given a child's menu.
Fucking a dwarf is on my bucket list.
Oh, no.
What do you want me to say after that?
"Oh, of course you can! Come on."
No!
We're not possessions, we're people. Like, it's not like we're a task.
I think it's genuinely to, like, show off to their mates, usually.
They'll say like, "Bloody hell. I bet I could swing you
"from the chandelier."
That's why my love life is a shambles...
..because... Because everyone is just like, "Bucket list."
You get the ones who want to be pen pals.
You get the ones who just want to screw you, cos you're short,
and then you get the ones that are a bit more open-minded, a bit more decent.
Yeah. I'm yet to find those ones.
Yeah! I'm just surrounded by the other two.
"Oh, yeah, I've never been with a guy your height," or whatever. OK.
And then, yeah, sometimes I, if I like them, I might just go,
go with the flow.
# Oompa Loompa Doompa dee do... #
Do I look like I'm orange? Yeah.
Do I look like I have green hair?
The Oompa Loompas, they're like creatures, aren't they? And...
..we're not creatures, we're people.
Mini-Me used to be a massive one.
"Oh, look, it's Mini-Me. Oh, look!"
I'm not Mini-Me, I'm not a bald man!
Is it all in proportion?
I've had a lot of people ask me to, like...
..like, um, see how big my penis is.
I've never seen another guy's knob, so I don't... Whack it out and measure!
Do you want to have a look?
Boom! There you go! Do you want to compare?
Even from my friends, they're just like, "So, um, you know, down there,
"is everything all right?"
I've had someone ask me if I can have sex. Yeah.
And I'm like, "Well, everything's functioning, so, um..."
It makes it better, cos you don't get the same, you get different angles. Yeah, this is true.
Like, you don't expect, rather than, like, the average bloke
might be coming...like that and I'm coming like that.
Which hits the spot, so...
..so she... I think for me... ..so she says.
Oh, "Can I pick you up?"
Do I look like a trophy?
Have I got handles? Have I got handles? Do I look like the FA Cup?
You can try to pick me up, but it'll be pretty difficult to pick me up.
Cos I'm, like, quite heavy, people don't realise...
You just want to have fun and, you know, go out with your friends
or whatever and then people are, like, trying to pick you up.
Someone will just grab you and pick you up. Yeah. Almost like, you know,
bear hug and when you're like that, with your arms out...
..you can do nothing about it. No. And it's quite, it can be scary.
It can be scary.
At one point, somebody was, like, you know, doing The Lion King thing.
And they were like, "Simba." And I was like...
..I just felt so embarrassed.
My worst experience was when, um, a group of, like, school kids
picked me up... Oh. ..and they put me in, like, an industrial bin.
Oh, shit. And then locked me in there.
Stood on a bar stool to reach for something and someone, literally,
touched me in between my crotch.
I was promoting for a strip club. Mm-hm. And, uh, I was talking to
these group of lads and I felt something on my leg
and I was like, "What the fuck is that?"
And, like, this kid had his knob out and he was, to be fair,
he wasn't that close to me, he was, like, a few metres away,
but he was, like, pissing on my leg.
And I was like, I was like, "What the fuck?" Taking the piss.
I was like, I let, like, taking the piss, literally.
Ohh!
Ugh, I hate this word.
Midget. Nah! Don't do it, don't say it.
Like, it makes us sound like a creature.
Yeah. In a way.
The word "midget" comes from a circus performing person
of proportionate height. Yeah, and we're not clowns.
When I was growing up,
I never knew the different, which was more hurtful...
..the "N" word or the "M" word.
Because I got both.
It's always, like, "Oh, you fucking midget!" Yeah.
"Look at you, you midget."
It's all right people taking the mick and having their little moment
of fun, but there's some things that actually log in with us
and they never, ever leave us.
So, you know, just, just to...
..bear some things in mind. It's, you know,
your little five minutes of joking is a lifetime of memory for us,
people like us.
Do you ever wish you were taller?
Most people with dwarfism, when they're a child,
they think, "Oh, I wish I was taller," kind of thing.
But as I've grown into an adult,
and probably the same for you, I love it.
My mum always says to me, she always goes that I'm four foot two,
but I've got the personality of ten foot.
I just imagine it, but I don't wish it. Yeah. If that makes sense?
I'd be lying if I said I hadn't...
..thought certain things would be easier if I was. Yeah, yeah.
Going to the shop where you can reach the top shelf.
You know, that's like a dream, honestly.
You know, I love the person who I am, I would never change.
But I think just to experience it, just to see what it's like.
So, you want to step outside, have a look and go, "Nah."
We're so different to the world and it brings so many positive things
that average height people would wish to have.
Some of it is like you're a little, mini celeb kind of thing.
I've done the work, like panto, which I love so much.
Like, I've been a model.
I've played in bands around the world.
I was Britain's smallest body-builder and, um, I think I still am.
It's people's attitudes, that's what needs to change.
Amongst anything else, it's people's attitudes.
If that stopped, then that will stop all the phones,
all the mickey-taking, all the staring.
Then that's, like, top of the hill, really, people's attitudes.
And, yeah, change that, then it's the perfect world.
When you get, you know, like, a foot-long sub -
"Are you sure you can handle that? It's half the size of you!"
No shit, Sherlock.
Yes, I can. Have you not SEEN me eat?
Five minutes later...
Thank you.