[2021 intro sounds, which sound identical to the 2020 intro sounds]
*JAZZ*
You can imagine my excitement when I found out over Christmas that I was now a proud
owner of a PlayStation 5. Look at it. It's magnificent.
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Sure, the packaging may look a little different. Lexibook TV Game Console. 200 Games. 32-bits.
I presume this is just foreign packaging, because THAT is unmistakably a PS5. Even if
it's a little smaller in real-life than I expected.
On the rear, we've got a USB-C power connector, AV out, HDMI out, for that 4K goodness and
a switch to select between the two.
Now one thing Sony have opted to do is change the controllers completely. We get two in
the box, but rather than the magnificent PlayStation controller we've become accustomed to for
over 20 years, there's now this shiny, plasticy remote type slab with fixed wrist strings
dangling off the ends. Reminiscent of perhaps a Wii remote, or something you'd find on one
of those Wii clone consoles which emerged in the noughties, and that had limited, crap,
motion sensing ability. You know, the type released by AtGames and the like.
But this couldn't be that. Look at that familiar PS5 banana split design. Unmistakable.
Anyway, power and reset buttons on the front, and we are away.
That intro logo seems a lot different.
Ahhh, here's what I'm talking about, a completely redesigned interface. This looks easier to
digest than Paris Hilton's resume.
It seems Sony have decided to group titles under Motion Sports, Puzzle and Classic. Which
seems a bit odd. But I'll go with it.
Also, we seem to have a lot of built in games. So I presume we've got at least a Terabyte
hard drive whirring away in that tiny shell. Let's give Happy Parkour a go;
So, one or two player options and then we're in.
The idea here seems to be running down a road, whilst evading the fuzz. Presumably, if you
play as the white character you get an instant advantage. You can jump over obstacles by
pressing up. Dive and roll by pressing down, and use left and right to navigate the course
and collect coins.
Momentum is maintained by constantly shaking the controller to activate the motion sensor.
Which, is an interesting experience to say the least, and it doesn't take a lot to reach
maximum velocity. Admittedly, it's more fun with two players, but you can shake your way
single handedly through all 3 courses if you have the time, energy and well, masochistic
tendency.
The first to the end is the winner, which completely negates the need to collect coins
in the process. Still you can try and get a high score if you're playing single player.
I can't imagine you'd ever get bored with this game, but if you do, then there are plenty
others to choose from.
and yes, I'm actually going to maintain the pretence that this is a real PS5 for just
a bit longer, because, I'm a tit.
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Tennis seems fairly competent and playable. You don't actually have you move your character
at all. Just swing the remote to hit the ball. You can't really fail. It's a nice touch Sony
have added in. The complete removal of any actual gameplay. It's a really progressive
feature, and I like the direction they're going in.
Another interesting feature is the motion controls themselves. Whereas devices like
the Wii had fairly advanced motion tracking. Sony are a bit newer to this arena, and so
you literally just get one motion action. A single direction motion sensing switch.
Meaning every flick of the wrist, gesture, movement. It's all interpreted as exactly
the same input by the console. Really, nice. Keeps things simple and straight forward.
None of this complication over the way you swing the controller actually being interpreted
on screen. This means titles like Throwing Javelin work just as well as PingPong tennis
or Poke Bubble. Incredible titles these.
We also get a load of shooting games, where the cursor is controlled using the D pad,
with a shake of the pad to fire. Really adds an element of difficulty to proceedings. Verging,
you might say on the unplayable.
There are a lot of games here, some of which are more playable than others, but my very
favourite has to be Catching Loaches.
It's at this point that I thought Sony might be having a little bit of a laugh. I mean,
you have to vigorously shake the controller to grab a handful of these creatures, which
then get tossed in a basket. But then I realised I'd witnessed this at the Reveal event. In
fact a lot of titles from the reveal event seem to be included. Some look a little more,
what shall we say, pissy, than how they were presented, but then we've come to expect this.
Manufacturers almost always use pre-rendered non gameplay footage, and it tends to look
a little more watered down in real life.
But I have to say, despite the tech pack into this device, rendering these graphics in real
time, the console shell itself stays remarkably cool and quiet. Sony have really pulled out
the impossible here. It's going to be quite a blow for Microsoft this coming year.
I mean look how blistering fast the backgrounds whizz by in 100metre running. You can't get
that without sheer unabated processing power.
In fact there's a lot of running games on here. Some might say too many. But then, they
don't appreciate the excitement of DISTANCES. They might not also appreciate stellar 3D
character modelling and excessively long arms. This ultimately is their downfall.
Same with Mini Soccer, I mean who doesn't play football with their arms absolutely straight
out to either side.
We've already looked at some of the puzzle games, because, a lot of them, really don't
seem to be puzzle games at all.
Pigpy go home is probably the best on offer here, and that only lasts for 9 levels.
Most of everything else, you'd kind of describe as a THING. They're not quite games. More
just, experiences. Things you can say you've got through.
In fact, there's a lot here I'd describe as a thing. Here's Children Horse.. or Wisdom
horse.. whichever you prefer. Apart from the Homer Simpson sound effects, what the hell
is going on?... What's that music?.... WHY ARE WE COLLECTING FRUIT AND VEG??......WHY
DOES SHE SAY LEMON LIKE THAT?
What about all these classic games. They look a lot like, WELL, I want to say Famicom style
games. But surely they can't.... yeah, they are aren't they. They're dodgy rip off Famiclone
games, with titles as incredible as the gameplay within.
In fact the more I get to grips with this new console, the more I'm angry about it.
I tried to put a good spin on things. I tried to stay positive. But this is all utter, utter
shite.
What the hell even is this lightweight piece of crap?
It weighs less than a cat turd picked from my front garden. The controls feel filled
with more low grade plastic than a late 90s Daewoo.
I'm starting to actually doubt this is a PS5 at all, despite the looks. In fact, research
has led me to this console; The Lexibook 200-in-1, JG7420, released back in like 2011 as some
sort of budget Wii clone.
The games look like they've had a shake up, and I bet your ass that they've just modified
the exterior to look less like a Wii, and more like a PlayStation 5, before slapping
it in Lidl for £35 and trying to con 3 year olds into thinking this is the real deal.
Well, you're not fooling me LIDL or LEXIBOOK. Nor are you fooling STEPHEN on Twitter.
"Ye just copied the Wii. Yer Toy is shi*e"
See, Stephen knows. He wasn't even tricked by it's fake PS5 outer skin.
Wait a minute. THIS tweet, it's from 2015. THIS Console. THIS TOY. THIS updated DESIGN
it actually came before the PS5 was even conceived. It came years before the PS5.
DID SONY STEAL THEIR BLOODY DESIGN FROM A DISCOUNT STORE KNOCK OFF HACK JOB OF A CONSOLE?
ARE YOU ACTUALLY KIDDING ME.
THIS THING. THIS THING THAT LOOKS SO MUCH. Well, it looks a bit like PS5 has been knocking
about since 2015 in this banana split style.
Well, there's something you don't learn everyday, and clearly Sony missed a trick with the Cyber
Arcade Sticker.
Anyway, we're going to have to check what's actually inside this thing;
So, yeah, a whole lot of nothing. Sony certainly didn't take any cues from in here.
We've got a board, with a micro SD glued in place, and the components covered with an
incredibly flimsy metallic shield.
But underneath that is a familiar G* Chinese microprocessor, with the designation GPM4530A.
Similar to the one I found in a relatively modern Vtech machine a few months back. Well,
I say similar. Same manufacturer. This is very likely a RISC processor wrapped up with
a Linux based interface. But other than that, information on these chips seems very light
on the ground.
The SD card contains. Well, it contains what you'd expect. A load of NES ROMs, with the
latest dated September 2020 interestingly. So this is clearly an "updated for 2020" model
shall we say. A load of graphics for the menus and a load of binary program files.
So, that's interesting.
In fact, this whole thing is interesting. It may have started as a light hearted video
to welcome in 2021, but I honestly did not expect this design to have pre-empted the
PlayStation 5. What a world we live in.
What it lacks in ability, quality, fun, or anything else, it clearly makes up for by
being years ahead of the design curve.
If you want one, then the discount retailer Lidl seem to have stopped selling them again
after Christmas, but you can grab one on Amazon UK for an absolute snip at £55. Link below.
Don't click it, please.
Anyway, I guess that's it for this bizarre episode. Thanks for watching and have a great
evening.
Thanks for watching, have a great evening.