One of the hardest things about living
in New York City is finding a place to live.
It is almost impossible to find a decent apartment,
especially one with this kind of view and so,
(audience laughing)
I mean, it's amazing.
And then when you do find an apartment in New York City,
it costs a fortune and it's really tiny and cruddy
and it's one of the big frustrations about living here.
Well, earlier this week,
I learned that one of our Late Night staff members,
a young man named Andy Blitz needed to find a place to live.
He's looking for an apartment.
So I decided to swing into action
and personally help him get a new apartment,
a place to live.
After all I am the most powerful
and popular man in show business.
(audience cheering)
That was pitiful.
Anyway,
(audience laughing)
yesterday I hit the New York City streets with Andy Blitz
and a very nice real estate agent, Claudine Farrow,
and we were determined to find him an apartment in one day.
Here's what happened.
(guitar music)
♪ Gather wood, light the fire ♪
♪ Hypnotized by blue and amber flame ♪
(audience laughing)
This is it.
This is the building.
I could have a happy life here,
I think. Why don't we look
at the inside?
I think that's the most important part
or one of the most important parts.
Do many people look at the inside
before they decide to rent or
how many people? I'll take it.
I'll take it.
Can't seem to get in.
Wait, I have the keys.
You have keys?
No, actually,
probably don't want I've almost,
to bother them. I've almost got it open.
You don't want to break it though.
(audience laughing)
The perfect murder.
No one knows we're coming here.
All right, in you go.
So,
wow.
This is a decent sized studio.
It's a straight Manhattan studio.
This price is 1600, which isn't bad.
Pretty competitive right now.
1600 a year?
(audience laughing)
How much for just this one?
That's not for rent.
I don't care if somebody else has the apartment.
No, that's okay.
Let's look at the kitchen.
This is called a breakfast bar.
That's a nice amenity.
So you lean against this and have breakfast.
(audience laughing)
No, you could put stools.
I'll be a stool and you sit on me
and just see how you feel about it.
Can you pretend to be his girlfriend just for a second
and say, honey, do you want English muffins?
Do I have to?
Yeah, just say, honey, do you want English muffins?
Honey, do you want an English muffin?
(audience laughing)
I already told you I want pancakes.
(audience laughing)
Okay, so you get the idea.
So the space could have table and chairs.
Why are you so controlling of what I eat?
Usually, you know, in this price range,
it's usually a compromise, maybe a kitchenette,
a hot plate and a sink for instance, but nothing else.
What is this?
It hasn't had a final move-out clean.
What is that?
Oh my God.
That's so embarrassing, I have no idea.
I'm so sorry.
Is that included?
I would give you $200 if you would chew this right now.
No, thank you.
Do it! 220.
Could you please climb in there,
I just want to see how much space there is,
if there's room for two people to hide.
Do you mind?
No, not at all.
Okay.
Okay, can you see? Okay, hold on.
This'll just take a second.
Okay.
♪ Pour the wine, raise a glass ♪
♪ Toast a memory called to mind again ♪
This is a luxury building.
It's got a doorman, views,
a health club upstairs, to give you an idea.
How much is it?
This one is 5,000.
(audience laughing)
We're almost there.
It's a charming health, kitchen walk up building.
Sometimes the shower's in the kitchen.
I don't know why,
but that just seems to be the case in this price range.
The building probably settled a little bit,
which is why it's a little bit slanted.
Settled.
That's a nice term for the building is collapsing.
(audience laughing)
This,
this measures just how crappy the apartment is.
(audience laughing)
and it's
very crappy.
(audience laughing)
Quite spacious though.
Did you say it's quite spacious?
Yeah, for the money, everything's relative.
Oh, okay.
I almost, I almost went completely ape (beep).
I just almost completely flipped out.
When you said quite spacious,
I almost started killing people.
(audience laughing)
It was weird.
Well, you know,
compared to some places that are more money.
Right, yeah, yeah.
You get what you pay for, Right.
per square footage, so--
If you were just coming out of like a phone booth
and you were wearing a parka, this, you would be spacious.
(audience laughing)
(guitar music)
(audience laughing)
It looks like a nice shower.
You know, actually water pressure's pretty important.
Feel free to test it if you like.
Want to test it out.
(audience laughing)
How's the pressure, Andy?
Pretty good.
You guys want to try this?
No, thank you.
I might want to.
(audience laughing)
Hold on.
This is Shamsi, Shamsi owns
the apartment. Yes.
What kind of rules do you have for this building?
What should Andy do--
Quiet.
No smoking, no pit.
I don't smoke.
No drinking.
Wait, you can't drink alcohol in here?
You can, you can, but--
That's against the law, you can't say that.
A glass is fine.
One glass? One glass is fine.
What, what kind of,
what is this? But no, no drunk people.
Okay.
No drunk people? No.
Well my relatives aren't visiting.
(audience laughing)
How dare you laugh at my relatives.
We want to know if it's okay if he puts
this poster up.
(audience laughing)
Is that okay? Perfectly okay.
Did you ever watch
The Golden Girls? Yes, yes.
I loved that. Do you like that show?
I loved that.
There's also, he has this poster that he got.
I don't like meat.
You don't like meat? But, you can have it.
Oh, well thank you.
You'll pretty much share a wall with this person, so.
(knocking)
Hi. Hi.
Hey, could we talk to you for a second?
Sure.
What is your name?
Niva.
Niva, hi, how are you?
I'm Conan O'Brien Hi.
and this is Andy Blitz.
Hey, how are you?
Hi, how are you? How's it going?
We were wondering if you have a, like a CD player?
Do you have a CD player?
Yeah, I do.
I don't, I don't have one.
He doesn't, he doesn't have a CD player.
So I need my neighbors to play music for me.
For you?
Yeah. Yeah.
You can just turn it up loud.
I got.
We just wanted to see how well he's gonna be able
to hear it through the wall.
Kept that warm. It's a Starship.
♪ We built this city on rock and roll ♪
(audience applauding)
Andy really likes this apartment,
he thinks it's great.
We just want to find out
how quick the delivery is in this neighborhood.
Yes, I'm, I live upstairs, I just moved in.
I just had a couple of posters and a plan,
it was pretty easy.
Yeah. Ask him if he's
seen The Golden Girls.
Have you seen The Golden Girls show?
How are you?
Hi, how are you?
I'm all right, how are you?
Good, do you like this building?
Oh, it's great.
You like, it's a good building?
Oh yes it is. Want to come in for a sec?
It's a very good building.
Yeah, what's your name?
My name's Lorenzo.
Lorenzo, good to see you, how are you?
Lorenzo, how do you like the water?
(audience laughing)
I can't, I can't hear you, could you come up here quick?
How do you like it?
It was a little cold at first,
but it warmed up now.
How is the pressure?
Pressure's fine.
♪ We built this city ♪
♪ We built this city on rock and roll ♪
♪ Built this city ♪
♪ We built this city on rock and roll ♪
(guitar music)
(audience cheering)
We did some good, we helped somebody out.
That's the important thing.