how'd it become more likeable in 2009 stephanie hawk was a PhD student at the
Australian National University where she conducted a study on whether the young
teenagers of Canberra preferred to be popular or to be well-liked almost
unanimously the respondents of the study said they preferred being well-liked one
would assume that popularity would be a preference of the youngsters
as the popular portrayed to have more friends higher self-esteem and a better
chance of getting into a romantic relationship
however these adolescents informed that those who are popular are not
necessarily well-liked and if they had to choose between the two they would
prefer the latter this brings us to our topic of the day for a human being to
grow and to enjoy what would be considered a good life they need to feel
as if they belong in this society they live in one blatant expression of
whether you are in or you are out it's a measure of how much your peers or even
your family and friends like you if they don't like you you're unlikely to feel
as if you belong for the longest time Judith had been okay with not being
liked by her colleagues and essentially all of her peers she believed that the
main reason for this is because of how easily she spoke her mind truth comes
easy to her and she has no qualms about educating those around her of what she
perceives to be right her colleagues and acquaintances don't like directness and
honesty much and therefore started to avoid interactions with her unless it
was necessary one day she walked into the office
kitchen to get tea and there she found her colleague seated discussing some
football game empty cups in front of them she politely said hi and headed to
the counter to fill her Cup she had watched the game in question and she
thought that the final touchdown was so good at with religious and so she
excitedly shared this while stirring her cup ready to enjoy a break filled with
football conversation around a table with her work colleagues instead each of
the three persons who sat at that table murmured and shook their heads in
agreement then walked out and went back to their workstations sitting alone in
the break room her football opinions boiling at her throat Judith felt lonely
not being liked had never really been a problem for her
but it was now affecting the quality of her life and so she went on a quest to
find out how be better like it started with a lesson
on the importance of listening to the people around you and hearing what
they're saying to you as she was browsing articles on the internet she
ran into one that was talking about being a good listener
till then Judith had always de su MIT since she hears what the other person is
saying and then gives her opinion based on what has been said she must be a good
listener however one question the author posed stuck in her mind he had asked are
you hearing what the other person is saying or are you simply waiting for
your turn to speak when you're waiting for your turn to speak what the other
person says flies over your head so you don't follow what they're saying when
people perceive that you're the kind of person who does this whether
unconsciously without their knowing it or we're still consciously they will
like you less to show someone you're listening begin a small summary of what
they said this serves to assure the other person that you were following
what they said and also informs on what you're going to say next when your peers
know that you're a good listener they will always find their way to you just
to voice their thoughts asking questions during interactions is also another way
to become more likeable but this is only if the person who you were speaking to
enjoys giving you an answer if you ask a question that offends your date the
first time you meet you'll probably not get a second chance this also goes to
questions that seem patronizing or ones that are asked only simply to make small
talk rather than to converse asking your date to go into detail about something
they enjoy doing makes them like you more because they feel good during such
interactions they then associate you with that good feeling which makes them
seek you compliments rarely go wrong especially if you know where to target
them when you say something nice about someone they feel good Judith for
instance has this birthmark on her chin that everyone she meets finds adorable
and when they acknowledge this her moods are lifted recently she spied this wine
bottle a friend of hers had taken months to decorate using random things she
found on her way this was the most expensive bottle of wine her friend had
ever bought herself thus far and it's been for a big life accomplishment she
wanted it as a permanent fixture in her home and had succeeded in doing this
Judith said she thought the bottle was cool and she could see one of them on
her chimney on hearing this her friend went crazy happy almost like she
couldn't wait for that compliment to come her way a question on her
decoration journey got the girl on a rant which ended with
couple beers when you compliment people on things they've worked so hard to
achieve they feel even better than things naturally and down to them
for example the birthmark and this makes them like you more enough to get beers
with you showing your weaknesses also has a way of getting people to be
comfortable and to develop a sort of camaraderie with you
imperfection makes you relatable as long as you aren't too enthusiastic about
sharing all your problems for instance an unguarded moment had Judith opening
up to her little sister about her struggle with being liked and the
attempt to change that her sister was very sympathetic and she shared some
advice on how to get it done which the older girl found useful Judith would
argue that her sister liked her a little more because she saw her vulnerability
too much information however makes you look like a victim and unless someone
has an unhealthy Savior syndrome they will not like you more for this in your
next interaction find the right moment and talk about a weakness you have and
see how your audience reacts being honest even when it's not in your favor
gets you a few more likes as well you'll seem less manipulative when the truth is
more important to you than being liked even if the other person doesn't want to
hear it your words get more weight this way as
people believe the truth of what you're saying truth should however be filtered
depending on the environment reading the room tells you what truths would be
liked and which would not for instance telling someone how their Dale divorce
is the best thing that could ever happen in their life might be the truth
eventually if looked at objectively at the moment though the other person is
probably in pain since their life was reset and telling them how that is
amazing for them will not earn you any favor if you want to deliver a critique
start with a joke at other times it's necessary to tell a room or a person a
truth they don't want to hear but you still want to be light at the end of it
when you start with a joke and make people laugh they automatically like you
and so harsh facts they hear after words get a soft landing when you go with the
flow and be flexible in your interactions you become more likeable
pushy people make their friends or a group they're hanging out with feel like
they need to accommodate them which fosters resentment an ability to adjust
to any situation means you're not demand specific and whatever the majority will
prefer we'll go with you finally a no-brainer way to get liked is to simply
hang out around those you want to like you if people are asked who they like
better between a face they see every day and someone they've never encountered
they will choose the familiar one familiar faces propagate a sense of
security as Judith came to find taking beverages their lunch around her
colleagues got her included in their conversations and their weekend plans I
hope this video helps you to become more likeable that's all from us today please
like share and subscribe and as always I'll see you in the next one