They got here early today to rehearse and it turns out
that was really, really--
it was great.
Because I needed some help around here.
And then they happened to have cameras rolling,
and so I guess we caught it on tape.
I don't have time for that.
He's not even here today.
You know what, I have an idea.
I'll call you back.
Hey, you guys.
How are you?
Hey.
Good to see you, I didn't even-- sorry, I was on the phone.
Unfortunately, my assistant is not here today.
He is out.
And his assistant is not here, either.
So I have-- both of my assistants are gone.
Would you mind helping me out because--
Sure.
Put name tags on so I know who's who.
Which is-- which is the Bow no?
That's me.
OK.
Great.
Thank you.
The Ed Gee?
Edge.
Edge, sorry.
The Edge and then the Bow no.
This is the number for the commissary.
All you do is you just pick up the phone,
you hit four and then--
you can take it with you.
I want you to call a commissary, and I
want you to ask them what the soup of the day is,
because I'm going to need some lunch.
And your office can be right in there.
OK.
We're happy to help.
Anything.
Just to be useful.
It's our--
Feels good to be useful.
There's nothing better than giving.
We're team players.
We love to be useful.
OK, please go on.
You're fine.
Sure, thanks.
OK.
I'm kind of in a hurry and hungry.
Tell them you work for Ellen.
I'm not sure how to do this.
And then I need my writers in here,
please, because we need to work.
It's four--
What a big day, what a big show we have.
Soup of the day, what is it?
I'm on hold, Ellen, sorry.
Who's talking to me?
The Bono, or the Edge?
It's Edge, he's on hold.
Hang up.
Call again, and start with I'm calling for Ellen DeGeneres.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
We're calling for Ellen, we need some information.
The soup of the day.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Soup of the day, please.
We need soup of the day.
You know, you don't really appreciate your assistant
until they're gone.
OK.
This is for Ellen.
Ellen DeGeneres.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
They know.
Chicken noodle and tomato basil.
What's this?
I'm going to get you the tomato and basil.
No.
Did I say I want that?
It's not your opinion of what I'm eating.
And what's the soup of tomorrow?
Soup of tomorrow, she wants soup of tomorrow.
Soup of tomorrow--
It must be a thing.
--is not available till tomorrow.
You know, what, the Goo Goo Dolls
would have had the soup all figured out by now.
Are there any other lunch options you
might be interested in, Ellen?
Is there something between like a cup or a bowl, if I
don't want either of those?
Have you got a size that's sort of somewhere
between a cup and a bowl.
Edge is great at this.
Yeah, that's your opinion.
How about two cups, Ellen?
He's got a point, because I can have a cup and a half.
We're into problem solving around here.
So two cups of the split pea.
What's that, Ellen?
Two cups of the split pea, then.
Two cups of the split pea, Edge.
It's very important you deliver it because as it's for Ellen.
He's not even listening to you.
I am listening to you, but he's not listening to me.
That's what I'm saying.
He's not listening to you.
He's saying he can't deliver.
Yup.
I think we have to come and get it.
Yeah, you have to go get it.
Hey, you guys, come on in here.
While you're headed to the commissary,
let's get some other orders going.
My writers are thirsty, so if you can go to Starbucks.
So, let's go around and that's Troy-- what do you want?
Troy.
Venti iced tea chai soy milk--
OK.
Venti iced--
Venti cool and refreshing--
I just want a green iced tea.
And a double shot of espresso.
Coffee with cream on the side.
Vanilla latte and decaf.
Double--
Decaf, 'cause she's got a baby, that's why she said that.
OK, decaf.
It still has caffeine in it.
But if you want to take that risk--
I mean.
A small risk is fine.
I mean, your other children are already a little--
You're not allowed to drink alcohol if you're pregnant
here, is that correct?
Look at you, drunk already.
What time is it?
A little bit.
OK.
If you could get that back pretty quick, because we
got to get started.
We'll get it right back.
Can you get it?
We'll get it.
Guys, listen to me.
I'm not done talking.
OK.
I'm trying to stay calm.
Am I-- OK.
Also, call me when you're there and let me know one
by one what's at the salad bar.
Quick, quick, quick, like a bunny.
Good, good to be useful.
OK.
It is, it feels good to be useful.
OK.
It's good to give.
It's better to give than to receive.
Yes, OK.
Go!
Oh my god, those guys.
I mean, they're great musicians.
Let's just be-- let's call it what it is.
Great musicians, horrible assistants.
OK thank you, Edge.
All right, where do we go here?