- And then the killer's in a Cheesecake Factory,
because cholesterol is the real killer.
Is that funny?
- I don't know.
Honestly, all these horror sketches are kind of the same.
- Yeah, I'm gonna take off.
I got a 10 PM orgy to get to.
I will see you losers later.
(electricity crackling)
(distant, maniacal laughter)
(ding)
(ominous music)
- Whoa.
- Hello?
Everybody left, right?
- Yeah, hours ago.
(doors slamming)
(electricity surging)
(distant, maniacal laughter)
(everyone screaming)
- Hello, Grant!
Time to die!
- Thank God!
I thought you were a guy I dated and then ghosted,
or someone I owed money to.
And then dated and ghosted.
- Ah!
- Hold on, I'm much worse than any of those things!
I am your living nightmare, CollegeHumor!
- But you represent something, right?
Like Grant's promiscuity?
Or his Peter Pan complex?
- I am your darkest-- (eerie music)
- Oh, oh, oh, are you the manifestation
of the scrotal rabies that I've been recklessly spreading
around West Hollywood?
- Oh, that's gotta be it!
- No, ew, that's disgusting.
- Makes me cum foam.
- Why would you tell me that?
When I'm here to kill you!
(booming voice) All of you!
Aren't you afraid of me? (wicked laughing)
- Hmm...
(sucks air through teeth)
- [Everyone] No.
- I used to be afraid of scary movies.
- Yean, then we watched and deconstructed so many of them,
the killers aren't scary
once you realize they're just manifestations
of abstract concepts like grief, or racism,
or post-9/11 American imperialism.
- And I ain't afraid of no metaphors.
- (laughs) That's for sure!
- Shut up!
(demonic voice) Shut up, all of you!
I am not a metaphor!
(gasps)
- Ah! (chokes)
- [Everyone] Grant!
(evil laughter)
(choking)
- He is too addicted to technology.
- You know, he always said it would be the death of him,
and look, casual saying made real.
- (choking) Oh, oh!
Oh!
Oh, oh?
- What?
- (choking) Oh? - What?
- (choking) Get me with the phone!
- Oh yeah, you should smash him with his phone,
that's what he's really addicted to! (laughs)
- [Mike] Ooh, he's killed by the very thing
that he loved so much.
- I don't need your help killing you!
(scary music)
(Grant gasps)
(gasps)
(sound of spattering blood)
(body thuds)
Now do you see how serious I am?
(electricity crackling)
- Kind of a mixed metaphor, right?
- Yeah.
- I am stumped.
- Oh, maybe it's about digital versus analog,
like technology has actually hindered us,
and sometimes it's as easy as a knife slash to the throat.
(electricity surging)
- Shut up, or I'll make you shut up!
(screaming)
(slicing)
(gasps)
- You know, it's a little on the nose
for silencing women in an environment of toxic masculinity.
- (muffled) Especially as an Asian woman,
intersectionality offers secondary levels
of interpretation the creator didn't even intend.
- I didn't intend any of that!
- That's a little cliche.
- Yeah, what's next, making me OD on drugs
as punishment for turning a serious addiction
into a running punch line? (laughs)
- Um, no.
- Look, if you're gonna kill us,
at least make it about something that matters,
like how workers in the gig economy need to collectivize.
- Have him get run over by an Uber driver.
- Ooh, that's good!
Or maybe like attacked by a pack of dog walking dogs?
- Ooh, ooh, ooh--
- What if--
- I've got a good one.
Make him write social media marketing posts--
- Oh!
- In exchange for exposure, not payment--
- Aah!
(blood splattering)
(body thuds)
Oh.
Hm.
- Huh.
Do you still want us to run you over with an Uber?
- Yeah!