- There's a lot to take in when watching sci-fi
and fantasy programmes.
My boyfriend can remember all of the bizarre
character names in the shows he watches,
such as Daenerys Targaryen in "Game of Thrones",
yet whenever we go round to his friend's house,
I have to go, "His wife's name is Catherine.
Catherine."
(audience laughs)
Four years we've known them.
(audience laughs)
I asked my boyfriend what it was about
and he said, "It's a story about a woman
with three dragons."
I thought, "What, Hilary Devey?"
(audience laughs)
I now know that character's full name
is Daenerys Stormborn of House Targaryen,
Queen of the Andals and the First Men,
Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Breaker of Chains,
and Mother of Dragons.
But she's also known as Danny for short.
(audience laughs)
Everyone in "Game of Thrones" has names like that.
If I was a character in it, I'd be Sarah Millican,
Mother of Kittens.
(audience laughs)
Enjoyer of Long Baths
(audience laughs)
and Vanquisher of Biscuits.
(audience laughs)
If Danny Targaryen is a queen that has three dragons,
does that mean somewhere there's another queen
called Kylie Targaryen who's loads better?
(audience laughs)
The books have maps in the front.
As far as I'm concerned, the only book I'll ever read
that has a map in the front is an atlas.
(audience laughs)
And I've got an audiobook version of that anyway, a sat-nav.
(audience laughs)
Shows like "Game of Thrones" are called fantasy.
My fantasy telly would be Phillip Schofield
presenting "The Great British Bake Off."
(audience laughs)
Naked.
(audience laughs)
And there's cats.
(audience laughs)
If you haven't seen "Game of Thrones",
everyone's mediaeval and you never know
if they're going to fight or have sex.
Basically, it's "Geordie Shore" with capes.
(audience laughs)
When I first heard of it, I thought it was a quiz show
like Wheel of Fortune. "Game of Thrones"!
(audience laughs)
I expected to see Bradley Walsh telling a contestant,
"You've landed on a penalty square.
Do you wanna commit incest with your sister
or behead your dad?"
(audience laughs)
There's so much intrigue, you look at all of them
and have no idea who is in charge.
A bit like being in New Look.
(audience laughs) And don't get me started on dragons.
There's a sentence I never expected to say.
My fella said, "Did you know that a newborn dragon
is only the size of our cat?"
No, I didn't know that. because they don't exist.
(audience laughs)
(audience applauds)
There's only one way I'm gonna understand the show
and that's to meet the people in it.
So from "Game of Thrones", please welcome,
Finn Jones, John Bradley, and Kristian Nairn.
Also known as Ser Loras, Samwell, and Hodor.
(audience cheers and applauds)
(upbeat music)
Hello!
Hello, hello, hello!
- Hello.
- [Sarah] Hello, boys.
You all look lovely. This is just daywear, is it?
- Thanks, babe, yeah.
- This is...You look smashing.
Now I have watched "Game of Thrones",
I haven't watched all of it
but I've watched a good five or six episodes
and I've got one question for you.
- [Finn] Right...
- What the fuck is going on?!
(audience laughs)
(audience applauds)
- So can any of you sum it up like 'that'
just like in a couple of sentences?
- Boobs. Lots of boobs.
- Lots of boobs?
- Yeah.
- Death.
- [Sarah] Boobs and death!
(audience laughs)
- Taking it up a level, I think it's
mainly about dysfunctional family relationships.
Just to counteract the boobs and death.
(audience laughs)
- [Sarah] So boobs, death, and "Jeremy Kyle".
(audience laughs)
- [Sarah] That's enough.
Now, tell me. Who are the goodies and who are the baddies?
- [Finn] It's hard to say, isn't it?
- I think that's the problem some people have,
the baddies and the goodies aren't clearly defined.
- Are you all goodies or baddies, do you know?
- I think I'm a goodie.
- Yeah, yeah, Hodor's a goodie.
- I'm certainly a goodie.
- Ah, yeah, we're all goodies!
- We're all goodies!
- So you don't know which ones are goodies or baddies
but you're determined to be goodies!
- Yes.
(audience laughs)
- So Kristian, your character only ever says, "Hodor,"...
- Yes.
- So they assume that that's his name...?
- [Kristian] It's not really his name.
His real name is Walder.
- Ohh, yeah.
- It's a bit of a mystery why he is a bit brain-damaged,
but, that's putting it mildly.
- Okay.
- He can only just say one word.
Which is great for learning lines.
(audience laughs)
- [Sarah] You must have to put a lot of effort into that
and a lot of emotion.
- A tremendous amount of Shakespearean effort.
- Like a happy "Hodor" or a sad "Hodor"...
or a sexually frustrated "Hodor".
(audience laughs)
- That's 99 percent.
- That's 99 percent of them.
Boobs and death. That's what it's all about.
(audience laughs)
- [Sarah] So Hodor is a giant.
- Yes.
- [Sarah] How did you get the part?
- Uh, well.
- Oh, like that.
(audience laughs and applauds)
- Can I stand beside you?
(audience applauds)
- Wow.
I feel so tiny and feminine.
(audience laughs)
For the first time ever.
(audience laughs)
- [Sarah] So, Finn, you play the heartthrob?
- One of, yes.
- [Sarah] One of the heartthrobs, yeah.
Do women throw their chastity belts at you?
- I mean, sometimes. Check out these armour abs.
- That's really...Are you exactly the same underneath that?
- Yeah!
(audience laughs)
- No, definitely not. Definitely not.
- [Sarah] I'm starting to like the sound of this.
I think I'd like to be in "Game of Thrones"
and because it's my telly programme, I can do just that.
Hold on a minute.
(audience laughs)
(audience applauds)
(bombastic mediaeval music)
(audience applauds)
(fierce winds blowing)
- Our enemies gather strength, Samwell.
We are but three. They are but many...
- 'Tis true. Who will aid us now in our hour of darkness?
(audience applauds and cheers)
- It is the beautiful, if not stockier than I remember,
Mother of Dragons.
(audience laughs)
- Carry on, pet. You'll not make it past Series Four.
(audience laughs)
- [Finn] I am Ser Loras, Knight of the Flowers.
- Ooh, hello, flower.
(audience laughs)
- And I am Samwell Tarly of the Knight's Watch.
- Well hang on, pet, because I'm only up to Book Two.
(audience laughs)
But I know who you are.
You're Hagrid.
- Hodor.
(audience laughs)
- Anyway, I am Sarah of the House of...
Canesten.
(audience laughs)
(audience applauds)
Bearer of the Burning and the Itching.
(audience laughs)
Come to your aid, with my mighty, fire-breathing dragon.
(dragon roars)
(audience laughs)
- Ooh.
- [Sarah] Dragon, breathe your fiery breath.
Oh, shit, he's gone out again.
(audience laughs)
(lighter clicks)
All right, we spent all the money on the wig, all right?
(audience laughs)
- We are doomed.
But we will not depart this realm without a fight.
To arms!
- We've all got two arms, pet but what's...
(audience laughs)
what's your point?
- [Finn] This is my point.
- Ooh.
- My sword...Forehammer!
- Ooh.
- [John] And this, my sword...Steel Tongue.
- [Sarah] Ooh.
(audience laughs)
Well while we're all doing it...
These, are my trusty blades...
Kitchen Devils!
(audience laughs)
(audience cheers and applauds)
We three shall prevail over our foes
with the steel in our hearts!
We shall triumph and ascend to the Iron Throne!
This is so exciting, this is so exciting!
Oh, shit!
(audience laughs)
I forgot I was holding them...
Shit.
- Hodor never liked them, anyway.
(audience laughs)
- Ah, don't start talking, flower.
(audience laughs)
I liked you better the way you were.
(audience laughs)
So, are you all in proportion?
(audience laughs and applauds)
- [Sarah Voiceover] Hello, I'm Sarah Millican
and thanks very much for watching my videos.
I'm going on tour with a brand new show
called "Bobby Dazzler".
For all the information about where I'm going,
and when,
go to sarahmillican.co.uk.
Thanks!