Um, I don't know. Uh, what do you guys want to talk about?
Uh...
Anything interesting happen over the weekend?
Breaking news, a newly surfaced video of Donald Trump,
uh, talking about groping women.
The breaking news here on CNN, Donald Trump apologizing
for vulgar comments.
We have more breaking news now of Republicans turning
against Donald Trump.
Breaking news, Donald Trump just moments ago
in a hotel right here in the St. Louis area
appearing with four of Bill Clinton's accusers.
Breaking news right now, there are growing calls
for Trump to step down.
Breaking news on a Sunday night,
the debate showdown a short time from now...
-Crotch. -Vagina. -Pussy.
-Pussy! -Pussy. -Gucci pussy. -Pussy.
Goddamn!
(cheering and applause)
(whoops)
You know, I'll tell you this,
when the history of American politics is written,
it'll be divided into two distinct eras,
before pussy and after pussy.
Because, since Friday, nothing has been the same.
And no one saw this coming. At the end of last week,
we were all waiting for the debate on Sunday.
I remember, people were like, "Ooh, what's he gonna say
about his tax returns?"
And now we're in a completely different world.
It's almost as if we left work on Friday--
and we all know that we planned to have a little drink
on Sunday night-- but then around 5:00 p.m. on Friday,
the Trump train came into town with a giant keg of beer,
smashed it on our face, and we spent the rest of the weekend
drinking and (bleep)-faced. That's what happened to us.
And I know, I know that everyone has seen the video
of Trump on the bus already,
but I want us to be on the same page.
So, uh, we're gonna play it again
for our one Amish viewer
who only breaks his Amishness just to watch the show.
So this one's for you, Malachi.
REPORTER:
in 2005 in an
(Tic Tacs clacking)
(Bush laughs)
(groaning, laughter)
(mimics gagging)
Before we break down all of the disgusting comments
Trump made on Billy Bush's bang bus,
can we... can we just analyze "grab them by the pussy"?
Because, honestly, I thought about this hard and long,
I've never heard that phrase in my life.
What kind of person grabs the pussy?
That doesn't sound pleasurable for either party involved.
I don't get it. Do you not know ladies?
Like, may-maybe it's... maybe it's a tiny hands thing.
Maybe...
No, like, maybe, maybe he can't hold it
or caress it-- he needs to grab it.
Because, for Trump, it's like a baby holding a grapefruit.
He just...
You know, people, you... we have to admit this,
Trump has officially broken almost every record
of scumbaggery in politics.
Like, the rules don't even apply anymore.
Let's be honest, like, we couldn't have even imagined
that these feats would be taking place.
Trump's scandals right now
are like when the first black guy joined white sports.
You know, when everything was going on,
people were like, "I had no idea that was possible! Oh, my God!"
Oh, and-and, by the way, can we talk
about Billy Bush for a second?
Let's-let's talk about th-this sleazebag.
Uh, I understand, I understand
that everyone has been in the presence of an unsavory joke,
right? But there's a difference between laughing at the jokes
you don't agree with and being an active accomplice.
Because Billy Bush has said that he didn't agree with Trump--
he was under pressure and so he laughed with him.
Yeah, but that's not what it looked like
when you see what he did when
Okay.
Here, wait, hold on.
(sighs)
Yeah.
Wow.
How do you fit that much sleaze into such a short video?
(laughter)
The "Two Girls, One Cup" girls are like,
"I would not want to switch places with her."
Trump just told Billy Bush how he forces himself on women,
and at the first opportunity,
Billy puts his pimp hat on and tries to make it happen?
This (bleep) was nuclear,
because Trump already had few Republicans against him,
but now, even those who had been with him
through his anti-Muslim, Mexican and black comments
said enough was enough,
because the Republicans have won the White House
without those groups,
but there's one group they can't do it without--
-the ladies! -(applause and cheering)
We have a 15-year-old daughter,
and if I can't look her in the eye...
I'm a father of three daughters, and I also cringe.
Jeb Bush-- now he tweeted,
"As the grandfather of two precious girls,
"I find that no apology can excuse away Donald Trump's
reprehensible comments degrading women."
Mitch McConnell. "These comments are repugnant
"and unacceptable in any circumstances.
As the father of three daughters..."
It's degrading to our women,
to our daughters, our granddaughters.
I love how they feel they need
to use the women in their families
to justify their outrage.
"As a father of two girls... "
"Well, what if you don't have any daughters?"
-"Well, as the son of a woman." -(laughter)
"What if you were just raised by two dads?"
"Oh, well, as a first cousin once removed of an aunt."
-(laughter) -"What if you don't have a family?"
"As someone who has visited the Statue of Liberty,
-which is a woman..." -(laughter)
The Trump tape shouldn't offend you on behalf of females.
It should offend you as a human being, right? And...
(applause and cheering)
And it turns out you don't even need
to be a human to be offended.
Tic Tac getting in on the responses to Trump's video.
Trump mentioned that brand of mints
in the video that surfaced Friday.
Tic Tac tweeted that they respect all women,
and find Trump's recently-revealed
statements and behavior
"completely inappropriate and unacceptable."
I'm sorry! I'm so sorry.
First of all, kudos to Tic Tac. Like, this is insane.
-(applause and cheering) -But you know...
You know your words are bad when even the candies,
whose only purpose is to help cover up
what comes out of your mouth, say they can't help you.
They're like, "That-- we can't even fix that, man.
Don't involve us. Don't involve us."
But here's the genius of the Trump campaign.
And this is what really pissed me off this weekend.
He gets caught on the tape boasting about sexual assault,
and then, they manage to spin it as something much different.
This was locker room talk.
That's what is said in a locker room.
He was talking about it with the boys amongst the bus,
um, like the locker room.
-I've heard much worse than that. -Really?
Much worse than that in locker rooms, uh, but-but...
-I don't know. That's a pretty... -Much worse.
-Believe me. -Really?
What locker rooms are you hanging out in?
(laughter, applause)
That's a great question.
What locker rooms
-(laughter) -No. Think about this for a second.
You can't imagine Ben Carson in the gym
or participating in any sport that requires rapid movement.
-(laughter) -Why is he in a locker room?
There's no... Okay, okay. Oh, you know what?
Maybe, maybe he does tai chi. That makes sense.
-(laughter) -That makes sense.
Oh, and this might surprise you,
but he's actually the quickest one in the class.
-(laughter) -Everyone calls him "The Flash."
"Slow down, Ben!"
-And he's like, "Catch me..." -(laughter)
-"...if you can..." -(laughter)
-"...suckers. -(laughter)
Uh, let's-let's work through this.
Let's work through this.
Two things about that locker room excuse.
Uh, first, they're conflating sex talk
and sexual assault talk, all right?
Trying to make Trump's comments sound normal
is not something that they're achieving,
'cause, I'm sorry, that is not normal.
There is a big difference between saying dirty words
and glorifying non-consensual sexual contact.
Not every guy has these conversations.
No. That's a crime. That's a crime.
There is a big difference.
People are like, "Oh, come on. Guys talk dirty."
Yeah, guys talk dirty,
but guys are not all having conversations
about sexual assault.
It feels like more people are focused on, "He said 'pussy.'"
It's not about that.
It's about him saying he forces himself on women.
You tell me what's worse-- a guy who says,
"Uh, last night I dined with a lovely lady,
"and immediately afterwards, I escorted her back
"to her residence and proceeded to caress her genitals
despite her lack of invitation."
-(laughter) -Or-or is this one worse?
"Oh, man, last night, I was rolling with this bad bitch,
"and I was, 'Yo, you gonna let me smash that ass?'
"And she said, 'No,' and I was like,
'Okay, no pussy for me.'"
-(laughter) -Which one is worse?
-(cheering, applause) -Which one is worse?
Now, don't get me wrong, don't get me wrong.
Neither of them is ideal, but one of them is crude,
and the other is against the law.
-(cheering, applause) -There's a big difference.
It's not just, oh, locker room talk, locker...
No, it's not just locker room talk.
Oh, and by the way, Trump can try to excuse his behavior
by calling it "locker room talk,"
but you realize he wasn't in a locker room!
He was at a TV interview.
If you conduct locker room talk everywhere,
it's not the locker room, it's you, mother (bleep)!
-(cheering, applause) -It's you!
It's not locker room talk.
You're saying it everywhere you go!
And besides...
and besides, everyone knows, if you do locker room stuff
outside the locker room, then there are serious consequences.
Yeah, you see?
That guy gets it.
(laughter)
Yeah. He understands.
Oh, but there is... there is good news, folks.
America has spoken.
Because somebody did get fired.
Today Show
leaked audiotape with Donald Trump.
NBC says Bush has been suspended indefinitely.
Welcome to the 2016 presidential election.
If you're on TV and you say something
that offends the nation, you're gonna lose your job.
But don't worry, you can still run for president.