What if no contact doesn't work to help you get your ex back? That's what we're going
to be talking about in this video. But first, my name is Clay with modernlove.life, where
we help you get the great, loving relationship that you're looking for without having to
play mind games, without having to play hard to get, and without having to pretend to be
someone or something that you are not, because you deserve to be loved for the unique, amazing,
and wonderful person that you are. And if you agree with me, please do me a favor
by hitting that thumbs-up button to send a message to the YouTube algorithm that these
are nice videos they might want to think about promoting a little bit more to people that
might need them. So, it just takes one moment of your time, it's totally free, and it does
help out this channel to reach more people. Also, please feel free to subscribe to this
channel as well, too, so that you can get notifications when we post and upload new
videos. Also, in this video, we're going to be talking
about our plan for getting back together with your ex, which is not 100% contingent on using
the no contact rule as your one tool. And this plan is called the Ex Solution Program.
So, if you're interested in checking it out, if you don't want to just use no contact as
your one tool no matter what happens, and you don't want to just play mind games, check
it out. It's down in the description box below this video. If it seems right for you, feel
free to sign up. If it's not right for you, that is 100% okay too.
I've been helping people with breakups and relationships for a long time now. And one
of the big things that I've noticed is that a lot of people seem to believe that no contact
is the only tool that they have at their disposal to save a relationship, that if your ex isn't
open to getting back together with you, you need to use no contact and then wait for them
to come crawling back to you over broken shards of glass because they miss you so much and
they will confess their undying love, and you, by golly, have turned the tables on them
and are now in control. That's not to say that this can't happen.
Obviously, this can happen for some people. I mean, that's why people are recommending
it. But does it actually work for a lot of people? And in my experience, the answer is
no. I think that a lot of people are recommending this advice because many times, when you're
in no contact, you are stopping yourself from doing further harm to the connection that
you and your ex have. You know, people often end up in damage control mode, and they often
end up in this panic state where they are acting from a place of desperation. You know,
they're contacting way too often, they're begging, they're pleading, they're using these
grand romantic gestures to try to win their ex back.
And there's a lot of reasons why this is not a good strategy. And in a lot of ways, cutting
contact is going to stop you from doing further harm to the situation. And in that respect,
it can be pretty good, but it's not the one strategy that you should be using if you want
to have a great relationship. Again, can it work as the singular strategy? Maybe. Is it
working for you? I don't know; only you can answer that. But I know for a lot of people,
it doesn't work, and I know for a lot of clients I've helped get back together with their exes,
they've never even had to use no contact whatsoever. So, what do you do if you're doing no contact
and it doesn't work, if your ex isn't crawling over these broken shards of glass that you
have conveniently left on your doorstep for them to crawl over? What do you do? That is
what we want to talk about. So, what I help people focus on is the quality of the emotional
connection between themselves and their ex. And if that emotional connection is as strong
and robust as possible, that is what's going to actually get the two of you to get back
together. I mean, if you simply just reverse-engineer this, if you and your ex are going to get
back together and have a great relationship with one another, both of you have got to
want to be back together again. Now, you probably want to get back together
with your ex. Okay, great, no problem there. But they may not be in a place where they
want to get back together with you. So we have to look at, what is it going to take
for them to want to get back together with you? And that is, in many cases, going to
be having a strong, emotional connection. They're going to have to enjoy interacting
with you, enjoy getting closer to you, enjoy connecting with you, to the point that they
actually start to see a future between the two of you. And a great tool to begin to start
working on that is the advanced relational skills that we talk about in this playlist
up there. So, if you're new, if you don't know what these advanced relational skills
are, check it out. But these are important because they help you to create a strong emotional
foundation. Of course, there's also other factors as well,
too, such as how you are bringing yourself to the interactions. You know, if you are
coming from that place of damage control mode, if you're coming from this place of panic,
anxiety, over-analyzing, walking on eggshells, being a doormat, posturing too much, thinking
that you need to be a smooth alpha male or alpha female, I don't know, then that is going
to get in the way of you actually bringing your most genuine and authentic self towards
a relationship. And, pro tip here, if you need to be someone
other than who you are to have a relationship with someone, you're going to have to continue
to be someone other than who you are to maintain that relationship and keep it going. So, question:
If this is really the relationship that you want, if this is the kind of person that you
want to be, you know, married to and spend the rest of your life with, do you want to
constantly put on an act? Do you want to constantly wear this mask of playing hard to get, of
reverse psychology, of pretending to be someone or something that you're not in order to keep
that relationship going? I don't know about you, but for me, I don't
want that. I'd rather just relax, be myself, and know that the person who is in my life,
like my wife, for example, wants to be with me for who I am and not because of, you know,
some character that I'm playing. And so, if that resonates with you, you might want to
start thinking about how you can best bring yourself in an authentic and genuine way to
your interactions with your ex. So, again, no contact should not be your only
tool. If no contact is your only tool, then you're going to have some problems. There's
also other reasons why no contact shouldn't be your only tool, namely... Okay, if we're
being honest here, show of hands, how many of us are in relationship problems, breakups,
and stuff like that because we were in some capacity ignoring certain things that we should
have been paying attention to? Like maybe our partner's emotional state, maybe certain
warning signs, certain things that we thought were maybe not so important but turned out
to be really big, important problems. If that's the case, then no contact, ignoring your ex,
if ignoring your ex got you into problems in the first place, do you think that ignoring
them is going to get you out of the problems that ignoring them got you into? Just, you
know, scruffy-haired guy that once said, "Doing the same thing over and over and expecting
a different result is the definition of insanity." So, might want to rethink that strategy.
Okay, so, tools that you can use. Obviously, the advanced relational skills are tools like
that. These include things like being more present, not getting so lost in over-analyzing
signs and signals and body language cues, and other things like that, that can often
pull you out of the present moment to the point where you actually lose the ability
to connect with someone. Other things are being able to ask questions that engage someone
on an emotional level. A lot of this actually comes from a place of being genuinely curious
about that person, so that you can actually get them to open up and talk.
Other things are demonstrating your character, demonstrating where you're willing to take
a stand. So, again, not being the doormat, but also not trying to puff yourself up and
be like, you know, "My way or the highway," or anything like that. Because people want
to be with someone who they know where they stand, and if you go either one of these ways,
it's not going to necessarily tell them where you stand. Obviously, the doormat thing isn't
going to tell them where you stand and show your character, but also just arbitrarily
enforcing some sort of hard-line thing that maybe you don't even care about, you know,
like with the macho guy, macho girl approach, is that you're... It's not necessarily something
that you care about, it's not necessarily genuine and authentic, and it's not necessarily
something that you're really willing to take a stand at; you're just kind of doing it because
you think you need to do it in order to trigger some sort of attraction trigger or something
like that. And in that respect, you're still performing, which is actually not genuine
at all. So, yeah, these are some things to think about
if you are concerned about no contact, if you think that it might not work, if it's
not working for you, or if it's the one tool that you have, and you're getting subpar results.
I'd start considering taking a deeper look and start working on that emotional connection,
because again, if you and your ex are going to get back together, it's going to be because
there is an emotional connection and because both of you are excited and want to do that,
so let's get the two of you excited and wanting to do that. And oftentimes, you know, just,
mind games? I don't think you'd be watching this channel if you were into mind games.
Let's put it that way. You probably would have clicked off of this by now.
So, yeah, anyway, if you do want to learn more about our step-by-step process of connecting
with your ex more, getting through to them on an emotional level, getting past the obstacles
and challenges that you may often experience, please feel free to check out our course called
the Ex Solution Program. That is down in the description box below this video. And once
again, if you want to help out this channel, if you like this channel, if you want to see
this channel grow, if you want to help a guy out, please hit that thumbs-up button for
the YouTube algorithm. And also, please feel free to check out this video series over here
on advanced relational skills, or you might want to check out this video right over here.
Thank you so much. My name is Clay, and I'll talk to you next time.