- Doctor Mike, his shirt buttons (laughs)
(slow funky music)
Recently I've been getting a lotta hate.
So I decided to prescribe a healthy dose
of Medical Meme Review 8.
It'll be great, mate.
(squeals)
Fill your cup day at 7-Eleven (laughs)
Oh that's so gross.
This is what patients who have a male genitalia
use to urinate in when they're in the hospital.
If you're gonna be using those to fill your cup up
on 7-Eleven day, make sure that those are fresh
'cause otherwise, ammonia.
Me, my back hurts, I wonder why.
My sleeping position.
First of all, I don't know who this golfer is
but oh my God what is he doing?
That could be the most awkward,
I feel like this is Photoshopped.
This can't be normal.
But yeah, a lot of times my patients wake up with pain
that they didn't have the day before.
A lot of times it's because
they're sleeping on too soft of a mattress,
too firm of a mattress, the wrong amount of pillows.
There's a lot of things that play a role
in how you feel when you wake up in the morning.
When I tell my therapist about my childhood (laughs)
That's a lot of damage.
I'm only laughing because of
this gentleman's expression here, but yeah.
In order to comply with privacy regulations
we are not allowed to call our patients by name.
Will the lady with the itchy vagina please come (laughs)
I don't even know what joke to make about that
'cause it's just so funny on it's own.
I'm just gonna leave it out there for you.
Think about it, laugh about it, together.
Wait, what are you doing?
The virus database has updated.
Not that far from reality.
When we give a child a vaccine,
we're allowing the child's own immune system
to better prepare for when that virus comes
to attack them in real life.
That's what the whole point of giving a vaccine is.
I'm not gonna lie.
I've had babies look at me like this
when I gave immunizations.
I mean, their eyes don't light up, but they look at me
like they're offended.
Like I disrespected them.
I grew up in Brooklyn.
I know what disrespect eyes look like.
My question is, why do one and two year olds
know about that?
It's like (snarls) why do you use such a big gauge needle?
And I'm like, yo chill B.
I say B, because it's a baby.
A spider just tried to crawl across my hand
and now I'm Googling
how to extract a fork from bone (laughs)
without causing more damage.
(sighs)
All right P, my Audi TTS.
Ah I think it was a 2010.
OH, it was such a nice car.
I was driving my beautiful, brand-new, red Audi TTS
and a spider falls upon my cupholder, scares me,
I smoosh it, I crash my car.
I don't wanna tell you the whole story
'cause it's even more embarrassing than that,
but I'm gonna be telling this Audi story
in one of my upcoming videos.
Did you know?
Left handed people have a higher chance
of finishing their exam on time
than people who died from not being (laughs) vaccinated.
Do you wanna know a fun fact about left-handed people?
They suffer from more workplace injuries,
because most tools are designed for right-handed people.
Bet you didn't know that one.
When you are an adult and now you have to
go to the doctor alone.
Aw Squidward.
Actually I recommend to my patients,
always bring a loved one
because when you're hearing news, bad news, good news,
whatever it is and there's details involved,
sometimes it's easy to forget those details
if you don't write them down especially.
But if you have a second person there with you,
not only can they also ask questions,
which you probably have similar questions
and you forget to ask,
but they'll also be able to recount
some of those details with you when you guys go home later.
SpongeBob, my immune system the first time I get a virus.
My immune system the second time I get the same virus.
See, SpongeBob got diesel
'cause your body builds up antibodies.
It's like, look, we've seen this once before.
We already know how to fight it.
Let loose the warriors aka diesel SpongeBob
and we get better.
I just think you misunderstand me and my shirt buttons.
I think my shirts fit me just fine.
They're made for my body.
A lotta people jump to the assumption
that they're very fancy.
They're not.
They're actually very reasonably priced around 40, 50 bucks.
When I sit cross-legged, that puts like an awkward hump
into my back slash lower pelvis area.
That puts a lot of strain on the lower buttons.
So yes, they do sweat.
They definitely earn their money.
What would buttons wanna earn?
Not money.
String?
Whatever, they earn.
They're stressed out, but they're earning.
Tobacco industry, you want a nicotine addiction
and lung cancer?
Teens, no wtf.
Tobacco industry, it's mango flavored though.
Teens, ooh.
I cannot believe how our society is slowly being addicted
to the thing that we've spent decades
on addicting them from.
I know that makes no sense,
but let me throw some statistics at you.
In 2000, the smoking rate for teenagers was about 20%.
In 2017, it drops to 5%.
That's a huge decrease, but guess what?
Now it's being replaced by teens vaping,
30% of high school teens admit that they vape at some point.
That's crazy.
That's nicotine.
It affects your frontal cortex,
the decision making part of your brain.
You're now allowing it to learn the habit of addiction
to a substance that's not healthy for you, like nicotine,
in addition to all the other harmful chemicals
that we find in these vape pens.
And I know wanna jump in say risk reduction.
It's better than smoking.
Well teens weren't smoking before
and now we're giving them vape pens
and they're vaping like crazy.
That's not risk reduction anymore.
Maybe we could talk about risk reduction for adults,
but the problem here is in teens.
We gotta talk about teens.
Did I get too angry on that?
Chest compressions are useless
and it's better to wait for medical professionals to help.
(laughs) I'm about to get very unhappy,
you're about to get very unhealthy (laughs)
Chest compressions, chest compressions, chest compressions.
They save lives baby boo.
And you'd best believe, that merch is incoming.
That contract is about to be signed.
Want to have all that mm, mm, DM.
Sorry not here, DM.
Chest compressions, yeah.
The only essential oil I trust is (laughs) WD-40.
That is essential and it is an oil.
God, I hope it's an oil.
I know it's a lubricant.
I'm not even certain that it's an oil.
Friend, what did your wife do just before she had the baby?
Me, she went (beep) and then a bit of poo came out.
Friend, I meant work wise.
Oh, book keeping (laughs)
I've delivered babies.
I think during my residency
I was up to like 30 something deliveries.
Pooping is normal.
It's part of the process.
Don't panic, we wipe it away,
we move on, we forget about it.
'cause there's a lot of pushing that happens.
There's a lot of pain that happens,
but the most important thing is making sure mom is healthy
and the baby comes out well.
Everything else, just a little poop
that you can get wiped up.
When the doctor's office forgets to ask for your co-pay
(laughs)
Wait is this guy from an infomercial that I don't know?
'cause he looks kinda rad.
I like his sweater.
I think his sweater says CCCP,
which in Russian means USSR I think.
Not quite sure.
What's interesting to me,
is I see people go into the vet and they're like,
okay it's like $1,000 to give your dog an ID.
Anything for my dog, here's $1,000 cash no problem,
I'm gonna go bankrupt, no worries, but fix Fido.
And then they need to go in to see me for a physical
and they need to pay $15.
It's a whole big argument.
Why do I need to pay $15.
I don't understand.
This $15 is ridiculous.
It's $15 dollars and we're gonna be preventing
a lot of problems down the line
that are gonna cost a lot more than $15.
Think of that $15 as an investment in your health
and your wallet.
Your baby is sick as (beeps)
He definitely needs a shot.
Cheers.
(beeps) sick as (beeps)
(laughs)
Why does the doctor have no arms?
Why do we have an armless doctor?
And then suddenly develops an arm to take a shot.
That's my biggest concern in this whole thing.
Me, spent eight hours per day on the internet.
Eyesight, gets worse.
Me, (laughs)
My vision has gotten worse
and when I went to see my ophthalmologist
the thing that he told me is
I've been staring at screens and text books for too long,
probably not text books,
'cause I did everything on the computer,
but he says when you're close to the screen,
your eye muscles strain so much
it actually makes your vision worse over time.
So he recommended that when I look at screens
I keep 'em further away from me.
That will help my eye muscles relax some.
I've been doing it.
Haven't seen much of a result,
but I feel like I'm on my way to contacts or maybe LAYSIK.
That could be my future too.
Would you guys wanna see me get surgery on my eyes?
Childhood injuries, fell off my bike, fell out of a tree,
twisted my ankle.
Adult injuries, slept wrong, sat down too long,
sneezed too hard.
Well it's funny 'cause childhood injuries,
mainly acute problems.
As you get older, chronic problems.
You've been alive for many years
and if you do repetitive activities,
sometimes it can wear you down
especially if you do unhealthy repetitive activities
like sitting.
Sitting is generally unhealthy
when you do it for 13, 14 hours of the day,
which many of us do.
Doc, so are you saying I should touch myself
whenever I feel like it?
No Jeff, I said you could have a stroke at any time.
I don't get the joke.
Doc, are you saying I should touch myself
whenever I feel like it?
No Jeff, I said you could have a stroke at any time.
Reminds me of, das a neat.
A stroke, not that kind of stroke, talking about a stroke,
like a paddle stroke but the other stroke
If you didn't get it by now, you're not gonna get it
so just move onto the next meme.
I know you don't have a choice
'cause I control the video, but either way,
just wait until for me, to finish this monologue
and then the next meme will start
and then we can continue on with the joke, okay?
I'll see you on the next meme.
90 year old vaccinated person dies.
Anti-vaxxeres, it's those damn vaccines.
Anti-vaxxers, what are you doing?
Just, for what?
(speaks foreign language)
If you haven't seen,
I've recently got into a fight with a plant.
Check out this amazing fan art
that someone sent me on Instagram.
This is so good, it made me and my co-workers
laugh for a while.
If you haven't seen me get into a fight with this plant,
click here and watch this video.
As always, stay happy and healthy.
(funky jazz music)