Hila now that I'm a hand model, I'm gonna need you to start, uh, cooking and cleaning, k?
I'm gonna need you to start wiping my asshole, k? I can't risk putting this beautiful hand in shit, k?
Not again. I cannot risk slipping through the toilet paper and fingering my own asshole.
Not after the last time, alright. Also, k, don't say anything, wait for me to finish Hila.
Also, I'm wearing whites and I sure got a nice couple of grease stains on their from not wiping all day, okay I was waiting for you to get home to wipe me, alright?
So I'ma need you to wipe my ass, I'm gonna need you to clean the shit right out of my asshole. Scoop it out, k?
And I like, I enjoy a clean anus, k? So don't fuck around down there, I'm expecting you to do a good cleanup.
Toxic waste cleanup, k? Put on your hazmat suit if you have to.
♫ H3H3 Theme Song ♫
Wow, Ethan, great moves. Keep it up, proud of you.
Why do advertisers like your hands?
I'd like to say my hands look good naked. they're really just the perfect, neutral toned hands.
So that skin is flawless...
I have never seen anybody actually stroking themselves in admiration. I am literally the perfect human being.
Just the perfect, neutral, toned hands.So that skin is flawless.[Ethan:*cough*]
And it's very even toned, so it lights well, and [Ethan:*cough*] it photographs well...
I mean come on, look at me. Are you looking at me right now? How, are you looking at me?
No, you're looking over there, take a look at this. You see this? I'm literally perfect.
And so everything I do is to protect them from being in any jeopardy or any danger in any way.
So for me that means no cooking, no cleaning, no taking out the garbage, no opening cans, no opening windows, no opening doors, no gardening, no sports, you know?
No, no, no, no, no, a million no's.
What does she do when she's not at a photoshoot?
She just sits here like this.
Does she got a boyfriend, who just feeds her, fucks her, wipes her ass? She just sits there. What a life.
"Hey Chris!"
"This-Did you notice how I have perfect hands?"
"This-Did you notice I have perfect hands?" "Yes, Honey"
"Hey Chris, did you notice how my hands are a perfect off-white color, and they're not black? I'm not a minority"
"Yeah Honey I know you're not a minority"
"Isn't that good that we're white?" "Yeah, Honey it's really great that we're white, and not a minority"
"I love being white! Don't you?"
That's probably what her- How -That's probably what her weekend's like.
My husband never held my hand until our wedding night.
[*Demonic Laughter*]
Well...
Got it?
I-I-I walk around like I got icky shit all over my hands k?
You know when you have icky shit,
and you put 'em up like this because you don't want to get it everywhere?
My hands always have icky shit.
[*Sniff*]
I pretend like I just wiped two assholes.
That's why I walk around like this cause I didn't wash my hands yet. [*sniffs*]
And I smell them occasionally because I like because I like the smell of my own shit.
I know it's a little weird but it's kind of a primal urge and I just can't resist, at least
*sniffs* you know, taking a sniff and seeing where I'm at. [*sniffs again*]
Hila I'm done. What? Hila I'm done come please wipe my asshole
What do you mean wipe your asshole?
Hila please come take the shit out of my asshole I'm done pooping.
Why can't you wipe your own asshole?
Are you fucking stupid?
[*Demonic Laughter*]
For me an injury really would mean a paper cut or a broken nail or a little bruise
something mundane to you would be a disaster for me
A disaster? A paper cut what a fucking disaster NO!
A paper cut again?!
Call my manager, Chris
I can't use the phone dude! I can't do anything!
Chris call my manager and tell him to- to cancel all my appointments for the next year.
[*coughs*]
No touching below the elbows!
[*Demonic Laughter*]
I just have beautiful hands
and I know what to do with them.
I can make anywhere from a hundred dollars an hour to thousands of dollars for an hour
People pay this nutty bitch thousands of dollars just to hold shit?
I mean come on you can just use photoshop to make someone's hands look nicer.
I don't get it man. She just must be giving like the most amazing handjobs to all the executives
Dude a handjob from her is probably a really special,
she pulls off that glove,
She's like "this hand hasn't seen sunlight in 15 years
I haven't touched a cock since I was..."
I wanna say 8 but that's really wrong
"I haven't touched a cock since my Uncle Bob took me to his cabin when I was 12 years old"
They're like "woah...
you got the job dude"
I'm ready to do any hand job at the drop of a hat
[*demonic laughing*]
Having the softest hands in the world adds a whole new dimension
So, teach me how to strike a pose with my hands
You wanna do my favorite beauty pose?
Yes what's your favorite pose?
Ok I like this. We seductively do this and then we do this
"okay" and then it's sort of like snake like and you can do
Oh wait a minute "no, bad?"
Ok the profile looks good you wanna arch back a little
Ok and the next thing you wanna do is slam your head against the wall for the next hour
every day for a week because you're a little bit too sane, a little bit too even headed
and basically you need to be completely out of your fucking mind and completely unstable
Something tells me I- I don't have a good pose
hmmm... *laughing*
Alright let me try my beauty pose here
How am I doing?
mmm... okay but try to look a little more insane
more- not enough insane?
That's better! More insane.
More insane? -More!
How am I doing?
"(A) little more!" insane? "(A) little more!"
How am I doing?
Really good.
Am I beautiful yet?
Am I beautiful? *barfs* Am I beautiful?
Am I beautiful Hila?
♫ Kirby's Dream Land theme song ♫
Hey everybody!
I just wanted to give a quick shout out to the subreddit r/h3h3productions
it's a great subreddit, a great community
and if you guys have suggestions for reaction videos you can put them there
if you make stuff you put 'em there
if you got crazy, wacky memes and stuff you put it there!
What do you wanna add Hila?
"nothing" Alright come on stop hogging the mic dude it's my show
I'm the star Hila don't be greedy man stop taking all my space!
Anyway thanks guys. We love you
An unoriginal (hehe) productions