Hey Buddy,
I know how much you love Spider-Man.
So, I got you this.
- Thanks, Damien. Oh my god it's filled with spiders.
Holy (Beep)! (screaming)
- Also, I know how much you love The Green Lantern.
So I got you this.
- Thanks?
Oh, it's a green lantern.
- It's filled with spiders.
- No! (screaming)(beep)(beep)(beep)(beep)
(yelling)
- For my third and final gift.
I know how much you love of Batman. So...
- Did you get me bats?
- No silly.
I had your parents murdered after a night at the Opera.
- What? My god, Mom?
What's in the box - Spiders
- (screaming) (beep)(beep)(beep)
(beep)(beep)
(beep)
- Where's my gift?
- Every gift exchange ever.
- Merry Christmas! Keith.
- Yo! Courtney, this is a huge box.
Say, God, I just wonder what you got me.
- Well, open it and find out. - Alright
(Laughs)
- Keep going.
- Okay, all right, here we go.
Court?
- Keep going
- What?
- Aw, no. Come on. (Laughs)
- Almost there, almost there.
- Ah?-
- Almost there.
- It just keeps going, (Laughs) And a going. All right.
(Laughs)
- Almost there.
- It keeps going and uh, and it just,
- Courtney has been an hour.
Is this it?
- That's the one I promise open it.
- All right.
There's nothing in it.
Oh God. I forgot to put it in there! Um, oh okay!
Here it is.
- A $10 Chili's gift card?
I love it.
- Yeah!
- Okay. All right,
okay so Damien, this year I got you the perfect gift,
because I know that gift getting is not,
not, not your love language.
It's physical touch.
- Oh no, its not. That is wrong. That's not true.
- You said!
And to honor that. I'm going to give you the gift of, of
a hug. (exclaims)
- You don't have,
- Come here, come get a huggy. - You actually shouldn't,
more or less should not. - A huggy!
- Kimmy, my love language is words of affirmation.
- Oh my God.
Oh.
I'm so sorry.
Wow. Okay.
Okay. Regroup come on Kimmy, I got this.
Hug.
- Oh my gosh. Thank you.
- I'm Kimmy Clause, bitch!
- Here you go, man.
Here's my gift. It's it's honestly, it's really dumb.
You're not going to like it and that's okay.
Like it's it just, it sucks.
It sucks.
- Yo, Shane, I actually really love this.
- No, it's it's a dumb shirt.
You can just get rid of it. If you want.
You can burn it in front of me if you want.
Cause it's the dumbest shirt. It's so dumb.
- Shane , I really appreciate this gift.
- You can be honest with me, man.
It's dumb. You don't like it and that's fine.
That's fine that you don't like it.
Cause I'm bad at giving gifts.
- Shane, I really love this gift.
- Noah!
Just be honest with me, man.
You hate it. Stop lying to me.
Be honest. I'm horrible at giving gifts.
I'm the worst gift giver on the planet.
I'm basically the biggest piece of (beep)
there's ever been.
- Shane. I enjoy this shirt.
- Stop! (beep) this (beep) sucks!
The shirt is (beep) stupid.
You don't think it's cool.
You're either a liar or an idiot.
I'm (beep) dumb. I have a tiny little penis.
- I think for Christmas I should have got you more therapy.
- Yeah. Yeah. Probably.
- Olivia,
for Christmas I got you something really special.
An NFT.
Do you love it? It was $500,000.
- Holy Crap Noah!
So is this valuable?
- No, no. It's completely worthless,
but like it could have value or not.
You're welcome.
- So, at what point do I get to eat the fudge?
The fudgeable token.
- Non fudgeable token.
- So there is no chocolate fudge?
- No cacao.
- But it's Christmas.
- I know.
♪ (Oh Christmas Tree instrumental music) ♪
Merry Christmas! (glass breaks)
- Here you go.
- What is this?
- It's my Hulu password.
- Really? This is the nicest gift anyone's ever gotten me.
(Crying)
- Courtney, I just got you something.
(email sent notification)
Check your email
(email received notification)
- Oh, ahem.
it's a receipt for a coffeemaker purchased 30 seconds ago.
- You're welcome.
- It says it's not going to get here for six to eight weeks.
Did you really purchase this just now, Keith?
- Yeah. And I can unbuy it just as fast.
Keep complaining. If you want to, try me,
then I just shut my eyes.
- Thank you for my coffee maker Keith.
- Thank you.
- I can't wait to enjoy my coffee in two months.
- Thank you, that's all, you know
people are so in grateful and entitled.
I didn't have to do that for you.
- Yeah but I wrapped yours, 30 times.
- And nobody told your ass to do that.
Ow!
And then you hit me, you know what?
I'm getting my gift back.
- No! I really want coffee. I'm so basic!
- Say Sorry.
- Sorry.
- Okay.
Happy Hanukkah, Noah.
- Thank you.
Oh my God. Who is this?
- It's you? It took me an entire year to make this.
Do you like it?
- Oh yeah. My skin is so green and my, my neck is just so,
so long.
- This is a lazy eye.
- Oh yeah. My lazy eye.
And then my ever constantly dilated eye.
Yeah. - Yeah, super dilated.
- This is, this is this.
- Oh my God. Do you think this could be an NFT?
- No.
- Great. Because there is no fudge on here.
- Good, good.
- No non fudgeable
- Good to know.
- Ooo I'm so excited to give this to you. Oh my God.
I've been waiting for like three months here you go.
Enjoy! - Alright
- Okay? - Oh my god you're opening it.
It's happening.
- All right.
Happy holidays.
I made a donation to Child Welfare International
in your name, - (inaudible)
- Uh, children in need are grateful for your generosity.
- Yay! (laughs)
- Okay?
What do I get though?
- Oh, OK
Well see your gift is
that I gave the money to orphans in need
on your behalf. Yeah!
Whoooo
Oh you love it so much! (inaudible)
(Beep) Kimmy Clause.
(chorus music)
So tired of Kimmy Clause.
Death to Kimmy Clause
- Oh I'm the luckiest boy in all of Devonshire.
Christmas is saved.
- Give me that.
- (cries)
Christmas is ruined. No! Oh No!
(smacks)
- No one likes a whiny orphan.
Yeah. Cry.
Cry.
- (wails)
- The pain will make you strong.
You don't need money.
(sobbing)
(laughs)
[Director] Okay, cut
(indistinct chatter)
- Well done.
(Beep)
Noah I think you forgot your painting
[Noah]- No I didn't.
- Yes you did.
You forgot it. It's here.
[Noah]- No, it's just where I want it displayed.
- This isn't your house.
[Noah]- I'm moving in tomorrow.
- It took me an entire year to, to make this fudge,
not fudge painting of you and your green skin and your very,
very long neck.
[Noah]- Oh, there wasn't enough room in my car.
Can you mail it to me?
- No, I actually know where you live.
[Noah]- Oh, I just moved.
- You just moved?
[Noah] - Yeah, tomorrow I move,
- But tomorrow's Christmas.
[Noah] - I move on Christmas. It's a Jewish thing.
- Oh, I did hear Jewish people move on Christmas.
[Noah] - Yeah. We move to Chinese food places.
- You're going to move this painting to Chinese.
Oh! Oh my God.
I'm Chinese. That's so great.
I'll be there.