Is all this effort really necessary? Shouldn't love just find its way into your life? How
do you avoid long text message conversations? Can you break up with a guy over text if he's
being disrespectful, inconsiderate. And I respond to a couple of comments from last
week in the is it unattractive if a woman is too busy video? Welcome to Ask Mark. It's
week number 37 we are going strong and I have some exciting news for you. Guess what Mark
has done? We have a Facebook group so I've been responding to as many comments as I can
but I hate that I get behind, I hate it. And there's just these seas of comments that I
want to respond to. You know you've got almost 200 videos now. There's seas of comments and
I just can't get to all of them. I've got the mastercoaches on some of them, but it's
making me really sad that they're going unanswered, so I've set up a Facebook group as well where
you can go there to get your questions posted and also you can go there to help other women
with their questions because you know a lot of you have been watching this channel for
quite some time.
You're thinking in ways that how do I grow my self esteem? How do I be the best version
of myself and put that into my dating life? You're going to be fantastic at helping other
women with that too. And I can be in that group and this is cool. When I answer a question,
more of you are going to see it. There's going to be more than you know one of you who reads
the comment response. So the Facebook group link is in the description. Make sure you
go and join right now. Click it right now. Make sure you subscribe to this channel as
well for all the videos coming up. And let's get into the questions. The first question
comes from Lorain and Lorain says, Mark, I don't feel like dating. I am waiting for the
right guy to appear in my life. I guess I will have some feeling that it's him.
Is that okay? Mark? Lorain, I was on a call with a client the other evening and she is
big into her spirituality. She's a very spiritual person. It's not something I do a lot of,
but it's very important to her. And in spirituality there's a concept called awakening. Now, I
didn't know a lot about this, but she explained it to me and she was telling me that it's
something people very rarely achieve in their spiritual practice. And I said, well, how
does one become awakened? And she said, Oh, being awakened isn't really a goal you can
set out to achieve. She said, we have a saying in spiritual practice. It's that being awakened
is an accident and the study of spirituality makes you accident prone. And I thought, what
a wonderful analogy and what a wonderful way to answer this question. Let me tell you about
two amazing women that I've had in my life.
The first one I met quite a few years ago and the second a few years more recently than
that, two beautiful relationships and I have both those women to thank for the man I am
today. Now. Before I'd met either of them, I went and did a lot of self work. I beat
my own social anxiety. I went out hundreds of nights. I pushed my confidence. I met people.
I grew social skills in all sorts of varying environments.
Now, what then happened, is I got more
confidence. I did more things that fitted with my new confidence and one of those things
I did was topless waitering and as I was doing that, guess what? One group there by accident,
I ran into a beautiful woman who would later become my girlfriend. Several years after
that I met another woman in a nightclub. Total coincidence, but what was I even doing
in a nightclub at age of 20 I'd never even been in one and here I am at age 25 comfortable
meeting people, at home, and I just happened to meet one beautiful woman who changed my
life.
Spiritual study makes you accident prone into awakening and putting effort into your dating,
taking action, building a social life makes you accident prone to finding someone. See
Lorain, I believe we make fate happen and I never coached. It's going to tell you sit
on the sidelines and wait for a man to ride into your lounge room on a unicorn because
I don't believe that makes you accident prone. If you believe fade is an accident and fate
is something he will appear when the time is right. I believe you make that fate happen
and by putting effort into your dating, by growing your confidence, by working on being
the best you, by challenging your social skills, you will make yourself very accident prone
to find the one. I'm incredibly fortunate that when I put myself out there after all
these years of working on myself and growing my skills, I ended up in an environment that
I never would have been in before and the accident happened twice.
So Lorain, I don't agree with the concept of just sitting there and hoping fate will
take care of it for you. I believe we make our own fate. Good question. The second question
is from Twin Peaks and I liked this one. It's a two part question. Twin Peaks says so Mark
what is your opinion on breaking up with a guy via text? Especially if he was , disrespectful,
dishonest and inconsiderate? Maybe I'm wrong. However, why bother talk to a guy face to
face when he has no regard for anyone but himself? Also, how do you not avoid or how
do you avoid long texts when that's the only way of communication? Thank you. Let's go
to the first question first Twin Peaks and you said how, uh, what is your opinion on
breaking up with a guy if he was disrespectful? Now, you use the words breaking up.
So by those terms breaking up, I have to assume that you're in a relationship with this person.
This person is your boyfriend, your man our partner. So the question would then be how,
what is your opinion on breaking up with your partner if he was disrespectful, dishonest,
inconsiderate? Well, my first thing would be why are we in a relationship with someone
who's dishonest, disrespectful, and inconsiderate of you, but now that we've got there and we
want to break it up, kudos to you, you're putting your boundaries in place. I would
always recommend doing that and breaking off that official partnership at least over the
phone if he's very ideally you wanna do this in person. But if he's very disrespectful,
intolerable has just turned into a complete dick for lack of a better term at the very
least, you want to be doing that over the phone and not over text.
Now, if it was with dating context, you've been on two dates and a man has been very
rude. You might not give him the time of day. You might just send a polite, respectful text.
Hey, uh, look, it was great meeting you. It's probably not for me. I don't know if we're,
I don't think we're compatible, but thanks, thanks for your time and thanks for the catch
ups. And then he goes on some barrage or whatever, say whatever he wants. You've said your piece,
it's fine, it's done. But if it's a partner, no, I would not break up with him over a text.
Your second question, I love. Your second question, I really love. How do you not avoid
long texts when that's the only way of communication? That is never the only way of communication.
Never. Never, never, never, I'm really passionate about this. I hate hate, hate, long, complex
text conversations.
They never go well. There's always over-thought. There's always messages are delivered in the
wrong manner. Never have long or personal conversations over text. I'm going to show
you an example from literally my own phone. I'm gonna put this up on the screen now. Literally
my own phone, and this was a situation in my own life where I was seeing a woman on
a casual basis and we decided to not go ahead with that. We had good chats about it and
then we said a couple of final messages, however, I guess, yeah. However, it wasn't as clear
obviously to her as I thought it was to me. And so I thought I've said my peace, stopped
replying, left it there. She didn't feel that was the case and she wanted to continue it
over text. I felt that was highly inappropriate and I wasn't amendable to that.
So I sent her this message, which is basically, Nope, not going to talk about this here. It's
a flat out no. More than happy to chat over the phone. She actually called me then told
me that it was very uncomfortable for her, but I said, yeah, I appreciate that. Now,
I can respect that, but this way we can respect each other and have this conversation. Had
a fantastic, respectful conversation and friends since, right? Everything went really, really
well because I could keep my tone, you know, nice and low, keep everything relaxed, explain
myself in a very calm manner and we were able to communicate effectively because we didn't
do it over text. So this is very important. Just just flat out, don't do it. Do not get
into these conversations over text. Let men know you won't do it. Let them know you're
happy to chat over the phone.
And if a man's not willing to have a proper fucking conversation with you over the phone,
find one who is. Good question. Uh, the last question, uh, not really questions, they're
comments from last week's video, but I want to elaborate. It was the, uh, busy women and
attractive to men video and Katie and Martha had a couple of comments. Katie said, sorry,
Mark, I disagree uh, despite making time to get to know guys and making it a priority,
uh, I've been told my busy life seems like excuses. Even though my justice has never
made me cancel a date. It's interfered with being able to chat on the phone, uh, when
they wanted to, stuff like that. Of course not all guys have said it, a lot have, that's
the only thing you've said I haven't agreed with.
Uh, Martha says I'm a busy woman. I've made time for dating. However, all the guys still
ask me, when are you going to have time for me again? I hate that. Uh, why they instead
they asked me, Hey, do you need help studying? You work so hard connective, your massage.
Uh, it seems to me that most guys want a pretty successful girl, but they don't want to be
part of the process and they are not supportive at all. If a guy like is working hard to get
his stuff together, I would want to help him and be supportive. Okay. I want to just address
a couple of things here. The first off, the first thing is that I said in last week's
video, yes, busy women are going to be attractive, but they're not going to be attractive to
everyone, okay? Certain types of men aren't attractive to every woman. Okay? There's certain
insecure men who cannot handle a busy woman, no doubt.
There's certain men who cannot handle a woman who is in a high power position who makes
money. There's certain men who cannot handle a woman who, be superficial, has large breasts,
small breasts. So there's certain men who are just not finding certain things attractive.
It could be attachment style. There's certain men who are attracted to more outspoken women
and certain men who are attracted to quieter women. There's always going to be subsets
of men. So when I say busy women are attractive, what I'm really saying is to the high quality,
high caliber secure men, the high value men that you're wanting to attract. It is my belief
as a coach that those types of men will find a busy woman attractive. Now, this is important
because I made this clear on the video last week too. If you're too busy either you're
not making time for him or dating or your busy-ness is actually a front and it's kind
of a defensive mechanism to make sure that you're always the one who's the less vulnerable
party,
making sure you're the one who always has the power, then men will put up walls as well
cause you're putting up walls too. So the first thing I'd say to Katie and Martha is
the types of men you're attracting, making sure that you're actually going after the
high caliber guys that are in your league. Cause if you go below, if you go for guys
below your league, they will actually reject you. They'll call you too busy, there'll be
insecure. You can't necessarily be compatible with people who are below your league. You've
got to make sure you're, you know, fishing in the right pond, so that would be the first
thing is making sure your self esteem is going after the quality guys that are actually congruent
with your busy-ness and who you are in the life you're building. Now, assuming you're
doing that, if you're doing that, you're saying, I'm making the right guys, but they're still
not attracted, Mark. Then a little bit of feedback on things you can do.
Number one, as a busy woman, this is really cool, is you can be even more free-flowing
with your interest. Everyone's concerned about giving too much interest, right? Oh, what
if he runs? What if he doesn't like me? The busier you are, the more you can just say,
Hey, I really want to see your face. Hey, I can't wait to catch up. You can be really
clear about that. The second thing is that, and I've had to do this on several occasions,
is that sometimes you get this message and it's often in messenger or text form. Oh,
you're too busy, or you don't have time. That's when you've got to nip it in the bud. If you
like the guy, don't text him back, get on voicemail, leave a voicemail, or even call
him and go, yeah, no, look, I know I've been useless. I know I've, I've haven't made time.
Here's my extra effort that I'm going to go to. And you might say, no, look, I'm going
to make time on Thursday. I've got time. You have my word. That's a great way to do it.
But just leaving the voicemail, making sure your communication is clear because he's going
to hear it in the tone of your voice that no, no, she's serious. She's serious about
me. Uh, so using voicemail, making sure you show your interest. Don't mix business with
pleasure. And I feel, feel like Martha you might've been doing this. Expecting men to
be supportive during your time together is not realistic. This isn't your boyfriend.
This isn't someone who's studying with you or being your, um, you know, work supporter.
If you're only going to divert a tiny amount of time each week to dating, make sure that's
quality time where the guy really feels your presence. And feels you're there, not time
where he's playing second fiddle to your work.
So there's some good points if you are busy. Um, the coolest part about being busy, and
I'm always encouraging all of you, all of my clients to build a life you love, build
a busy full life that you love because you'll spend less time thinking about man. You'll
spend more time thinking about your own stuff and what you've got going on. And then when
you do get time to meet men, talk to men, you won't have to do any of these bullshit
games like holding back your interest. You'll just be able to say, yep, I like you. I can't
wait to see you. I've got Thursday afternoon free. I'm making the time. I'd love to see
your face.
So if it's a guy you like and it's a high quality guy who you believe is in your league,
oh my nose, make sure that you are making it clear that you like him and you're going
to make time. As long as you're doing that right, the guys will love the fact that you're
busy.
Well, that's it. That's Ask Mark. Thank you for joining me. Thank you for listening. Make
sure you leave your comments, thoughts, questions all below as you always do. More questions
and join that Facebook group. I'll put the link and make sure you join it. Give the video
a thumbs up and hit that big red subscribe button. I'll see you in the next Ask Mark
very soon.
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