- I have to wear a dress. - Is that a problem?
She likes to be a boy sometimes.
She likes 'Busted'.
She wants to be a Busted man.
Well you do.
- Well how come you always tell me you do? - I don't. I don't tell you.
What do you want to be then?
Hi.
If it wasn't already pretty fucking obvious to you, which I'm sure it probably was to a few people,
I'm transgender.
It hurts me to know a lot of you probably already know like, it's...
I look like a girl, so it's kind of obvious to some of you know that
I'm not born as a dude or I wasn't born as a dude.
But yeah, I'm sure maybe like a few of you didn't already know.
I recently come out to everyone at school, everyone in my family.
Like everybody knows now, which is good.
Everyone's calling me Noah, and "he", and stuff like that.
But I haven't told you guys.
There are a few reasons why I didn't tell you guys, that I was trans.
One was that it was just nice having people just like respect me as a dude, like...
They like, they see me as a dude.
They automatically use "he" pronouns, which is great.
That are my pronouns.
Also it's just nice to be seen just as another dude, not some "trans dude",
or some fucking "tranny", or whatever you wanna fucking call me.
It was nice to have no questions asked, is kind of what I'm saying.
I know I'm not one of these people and I'm sure a lot of you aren't these people,
but some people see trans guys and cis guys as like, separate entities.
They're not just all dudes, they're different kind of dudes,
which is bullshit, like trans guys are...
They're guys.
It's not that difficult to understand.
That's kind of like, one of the reasons why I didn't tell you guys,
because I know that once this video is out, and once everybody knows,
some people are going to see me differently, they're going to see me as like...
I don't know! They'll pick out like individual things about me that makes me "not a guy",
if you know what I mean.
Like, I do that myself.
If you're trans, you do that yourself.
Like, you see little things.
You think: "Hey, look how fucking girly I look".
But I feel like once this video is out, people are automatically gonna be like:
"She... Oh, shit! Sorry! He".
You know? Like...
People are going to see me as a dude, but. not as a real dude, which is bullshit.
Another reason I didn't tell you guys is because I don't want to be one of those trans guys,
one of those guys that defines themselves just by being trans, like:
"Hey! I'm fucking trans! Hey! He/him pronouns!
Hey! I'm male, born as a female".
Like, I'm not one of those people, I just want to be seen as a dude like...
Does it fucking matter?
To me? Yeah, it does!
But to anyone else, why the fuck would you care what I've got on my pants?
Like, I will make videos about being trans, because I feel like I should,
like I owe it to some of you guys.
I've had DM's from people saying that I helped them come out
or I helped them realize shit about themselves that they wouldn't have done otherwise.
So I feel like I kind of owe it to you guys?
And it'll be kind of nice to document all this shit
and see how I get happier, hopefully.
Big reason why I didn't tell you guys is because I already get enough hate as it is.
For some reason people think I'm a twat, which I don't agree with, completely, but...
Yeah, I...
Hasn't happened a lot recently, but there's a fuckload of people that pry into my private life.
There's been people who have been stalking me on Facebook,
stalking my parents on Facebook,
stalking my family members on Facebook.
To try and find old pictures of me when I hadn't "transitioned".
You know what I mean? Like...
Pictures of me when I had long hair,
for like that one year I had long hair.
Pictures of me where I'm not binding.
Pictures of me where...
You know what I'm getting at like,
pictures where it's captioned with my birth name and shit like that.
And these people make "expose" pages, where they post these pictures.
They tag me in them.
They just put: "Hey, like, look she's a fucking girl".
I'm not a fucking girl.
It's not nice to be constantly hiding something about your life like, as soft as it sounds, like...
I don't know, like, it's cool if you want to be stealth.
I know a lot of people online that are stealth, as in like they don't tell people they're trans.
And that's your choice. That was my choice for a bit.
That's fine, but after a while it just, you know,
it's a bit fucking depressing having to hide all this shit, like...
I don't know, I like it when people see me just as a guy,
but they see me as a cis guy, which unfortunately isn't true.
I've had a lot of pressure from other trans people who are mad that people see me a cis.
Which is like...
Come on! Like...
I don't have to tell you my whole fucking life story.
I don't have to disclose anything to you, guys.
I'm choosing to.
I haven't been forced to come out,
but even if I didn't want to tell you guys,
that's something that should be respected like,
you shouldn't have to, you know? Tell everyone everything about you.
Like there's a few trans guys that hate on me constantly because they don't like that,
you know, people see me as just a dude.
But, yeah, whatever. Fuck them, then!
Dickheads, anyway!
There's people constantly asking me to post shirtless selfies,
which I wish I could do, but I would fucking cry if I had to fucking do that.
And there's all these people asking, like:
"Why isn't your voice dropped yet?"
"Why do you look so feminine?"
"Why do you sound like a girl?" Like...
Thanks.
But like, now you know, I guess.
So you're probably like, wondering how I knew I was trans.
I don't know.
I might make a few videos about that, but...
If I summarize it,
I've never felt like a girl in my entire life.
It's weird to think of myself as a girl, like, that's not what I am.
I've never felt like a girl.
I didn't know being trans was a thing, so I couldn't fully, you know, understand that.
I've always dressed like a guy.
I've always had short hair, apart from a few instances where I was bullied
and felt like I needed to, you know, present more feminine
to get approval of others, which is pretty common.
But... Yeah.
I've always tried to look like a guy.
I've always liked when people called me "he", "sir",
"lad, "young man", you know?
Shit like that.
That makes me happy.
Still makes me happy, but like even as a kid.
I can remember being really young, you know?
People calling me "he" and I was like:
"Yeah!
That's me, bitch! That's me! I'm a fucking he!"
Like when I was younger, without anyone knowing, you know,
I used to tell people my name was Alex,
which is really funny because every fucking trans guy nowadays is called "Alex",
but I just wanted to be called "Alex" because, you know, I thought it was just a dude's name.
But, yeah...
I am lucky to have, like, incredible fucking parents
who have like, always accepted me for how I am like.
They'll let me do...
I'm not gonna say "whatever the fuck I want",
but they let me do whatever the fuck I want.
There were boundaries, obviously.
If I behaved badly, I was punished, but they let me express 'myselves'...
'Myselves'?
There's only one of me.
They let me express myself how I wanted.
I was allowed to cut my hair.
Wear my hair short.
Style it however I wanted.
Wear whatever the fuck clothes I wanted.
I bet for my brother's hand-me-downs and I got them, just because, I think they're accepting.
They were chill with that, like, they know who I am.
I don't want to make this video like too fucking long and depressing but, you know...
I'm not one of those trannies that are like:
"Yeah I'm fucking OK with my body, my body's beautiful!
Love myself.
Love my fucking tits.
I don't need a dick to be a man",
which I guess that's true for some of you, that's fine.
That's how you feel.
I don't understand it because, you know...
Dysphoria is what makes you trans, but...
I'm not happy, in general.
And like, with how I look.
And it's not because like:
"Oh, I'm so fucking ugly", because I'm not entirely ugly.
But, I don't know.
I'm not happy.
Like, I hate the sound of my own voice,
which is why I never really like making Youtube videos that much,
'cause that's why...
Listening and editing.
Hate the sound of my own voice.
Hate my chest.
I've got this thing, I really fucking hate my hips.
Like I can't...
I just hate them so much, that's too wide to me.
Even if they're not too fucking wide.
But I think that's something that will, you know, get better
as time goes along.
So transition...
I'm gonna go on T, hopefully, by the end of this year.
I've got an appointment for hormones, hopefully, in December.
So I'll be going on that soon.
I might be posting like, testosterone updates,
because that'll make me happy and they're like, you know?
And I'm gonna get top surgery.
I don't know when.
Hopefully fucking soon, but that's gonna happen.
You guys are gonna see me change, which is good.
Yeah...
I don't want to think of it as "transitioning" because, I don't know...
that kind of like, insinuates that I'm not already a dude, which,
in my head I am.
In... not here.
I'm just gonna call it like a second puberty.
It's just like the right puberty, you know?
Because that's what testosterone does.
It puts you through male puberty, "secondary sex characteristics",
as much as it can give you.
So that's what I'm going to call it.
It's gone yellow because I put in the wash with other clothes, mixed load.
I didn't put it in a white wash, but...
I do wear a binder.
So yeah, probably a lot of you are gonna be like:
"Dude we already fucking know, it's fucking obvious.
Like, come on".
Please don't say that.
Let me think that you didn't already know.
Yeah, it's probably not a surprise to many of you, but...
It's the thing.
And it's kind of who I am,
so be nice if you couldn't be an asshole about it.
I'm not some kind of social justice warrior about this kind of stuff,
if you think that's something that I am, just because I'm trans, it's not true.
I know a lot of people will think I'm fucking gonna get offended at everything,
I'm not!
Just a normal dude, you know?
Not gonna cry over every fucking thing you say to me.
But, yeah.
That's the thing.
I know how shit is to be trans, so like,
I know I've got a lot of trans followers,
so I hope you guys are doing good.
See you next week.