>> Stephen: HEY!
WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY!
LOOK AT THIS!
WE'RE ON TV!
WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW," EXCLUSIVELY ON PARAMOUNT
TELEVISION.
PARAMOUNT, A MOUNTAIN OF NEW NAMES.
FOLKS, YOU KNOW MY GUEST AS A FORMER "DAILY SHOW"
CORRESPONDENT, AND THE HOST OF "LAST WEEK TONIGHT" ON HBO.
PLEASE WELCOME, MR. JOHN OLIVER ♪ ♪ ♪
( APPLAUSE ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> GOOD EVENING.
>> Stephen: GOOD EVENING.
HELLO, JOHN, HOW ARE YOU?
>> I'M ALL RIGHT.
THANKS VERY MUCH.
THANKS FOR HAVING ME.
>> Stephen: IT'S NICE TO SEE YOU IN THE FLESH.
>> YEAH I KNOW.
IT'S ODD SEEING YOU IN ANGLE.
I'M USED TO SEE YOU PERFECTLY POINT BLANK.
>> Stephen: 2D STEPHEN COLBERT FOR THE LAST TWO YEARS.
YOU WERE MY FIRST ZOOM GUEST THIS IS YOUR 14th TIME ON
THE SHOW BUT I HAVE NOT SEEN YOU IN THE FLESH IN OVER TWO YEARS.
>> EXACTLY, RIGHT.
>> Stephen: HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE IN FRONT OF PEOPLE AGAIN?
>> UM...
>> Stephen: YOU HAVE AN AUDIENCE NOW.
YOU RETURNED TO YOUR STUDIO IN SEPTEMBER, RIGHT?
>> YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.
WE DID SIX OR SEVEN SHOWS LAST YEAR WITH A VERY SMALL AUDIENCE.
BUT HOPEFULLY WE'LL BE BACK THIS SUNDAY.
>> Stephen: THIS SUNDAY.
>> YEAH, WITH AN AUDIENCE IS .>> Stephen: YOU TODAY THAT ON
SUNDAYS AS WELL.
>> EXACTLY.
HOPE WE WILL HAVE A NEW AUDIENCE, NEW LETTER OF THE
GREEK ALPHABET NOT WITHSTANDING.
>> Stephen: YOU HOPE THEY'LL SHOW UP OR YOU HOPE YOU'RE
ALLOWED TO.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN ON SUNDAY OR WILL THEY
SURPRISE YOU WHEN YOU GET TO THE DESK?
>> I THINK WE'LL OPEN THE DOORS AND SAY WHO FANCIES SOMETHING
INSIDE AND SEE WHO SHOWS UP.
>> Stephen: THAT'S VERY NICE.
HOW YOU HAVE BEEN?
HOW HAVE YOU-- >> YOU KNOW, ALL RIGHT.
HOW HAVE YOU BEEN.
IT'S BEEN A TOUGH COUPLE OF YEARS.
>> Stephen: YEAH.
>> VERY GLAD I HAD THE SHOW TO DO, BUT DID HAVE TO DO IT WITH
TWO LITTLE CHILDREN IN THE ADJACENT WORLD WHICH IS NOT
IDEAL IN THE MOST EXTENT POSSIBLE.
>> Stephen: YOU LITERALLY WENT INTO THE NEXT ROOM, WITH A BLANK
WALL.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: AND NO SENSE THAT ANY OF THE MATERIAL IS WORKING.
>> THAT'S RIGHT.
>> Stephen: JUST SCREAMING YOUR JOKES INTO A SOCK.
AND THEN TYING THE SOCK TO THE LEG OF A DEAD PIGEON AND
THROWING IT INTO THE OFFICE.
>> THAT'S BASICALLY IT.
>> Stephen: THAT'S WHAT IT FELT LIKE.
>> I LITERALLY WOULD GIVE THEM AN iPAD LO LOADED WITH "PAW
PATROL" EPISODES AND GO INTO THE NEXT ROOM AND RANT ABOUT FACIALG
RECOGNITION TECHNOLOGY FOR 20 MINUTES.
>> Stephen: I'M HOPING THIS YE GEZ ANSWERED WITH SOMETHING THAT
GIVES ME HOPE, SO KEEP THAT IN MINE.
IN 2016 AND 2020 AT THE END OF THOSE SEASONS YOU BLEW UP THE
YEAR.
>> WE DID.
>> Stephen: AND DID YOU NOT BLOW UP 2021.
AND IS THAT A GOOD SIGN?
SHOULD I TAKE THAT THAT YOU HAVE SOME HOPE?
>> I THINK 2021 CLEARED THE LOWEST IMAGINABLE BAR.
( LAUGHTER )
EXPLOSIONS ARE GOING IN, YOU KNOW, FOUR-YEAR INCREMENTS, LIKE
NIHILISM OLYMPICS.
SO 2024, WE'RE LOOKING AT A REAL BIG KAKA-BOOM.
( LAUGHTER ).
>> Stephen: WHAT ADVICE DO YOU HAVE FOR TV HOSTS...
( LAUGHTER )
>> YEAH, SURE.
>> Stephen: DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHERE THIS QUESTION IS
GOING.
>> Stephen: NO, I DON'T.
BECAUSE IT TAKES A TURN HERE.
WHO ALSO HOPE TO DABBLE WITH EXPLOSIVES?
>> OH,.
>> Stephen: THAT LOOKS LIKE-- THAT LOOKS BLOD UP REAL GOOD,
AND I LOVE THINGS THAT GO BLOW UP.
>> IT WAS REALLY FUN.
AND THE NICE THING ABOUT THAT, BECAUSE NO MOVIES HAVE BEEN
SHOOTING IN 2021, DUE TO THE THING, WE GOT THESE INCREDIBLE
EXPLOSIVES GUYS WHO SET IT ALL UP AND SAID TO ME, "IT'S GOING
TO BE VERY HOT, AND FOR ABOUT HALF A SECOND, YOU'RE GOING TOLL
FEEL LIKE YOU'RE ON FIRE."
>> Stephen: HOW CLOSE ARE YOU TO--
>> PRETTY CLOSE.
>> Stephen: LIKE THIS ONE?
>> THIS ONE-- THE TOP ONE WAS NOTHING IN HINDSIGHT.
THIS LOWER ONE, THAT GOT-- HE WAS ABOUT RIGHT.
IT WAS ABOUT HALF A SECOND IN YOU THINK, "DOES THIS STOP
OR..."
( LAUGHTER ).
>> Stephen: IS THERE A SHOCK WAVE.
>> THE SHOCK WAVE GOES THROUGH YOU AND MOVES YOUR HEART A
LITTLE.
>> Stephen: WAIT A SECOND "MOVES YOUR HEART?"
THAT'S NEVER GOOD.
>> THAT'S WHAT HE SAID TO RELAX ME, "YOUR HEART WILL MOVE A
BIT."
IT "YOU SOUND CALM, BUT THE INFORMATION YOU'RE GIVING ME IS
HAUNTING."
AND THE TRULY DEPRESSING THING IS THE AMOUNT OF SURPRISE THAT
THEY HAD THAT I DIDN'T FLINCH.
IT WAS, LIKE, JUST ONE AFTER ONE, "I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
I'M LOOKING AT IT BACK NOW, YOU DIDN'T LOOK SCARED."
WELL, IT WAS, YOU KNOW, A BAD YEAR.
I'M DEAD INSIDE.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
IT'S NOT BRAVERY.
>> Stephen: AFTER DOING THIS, DO YOU THINK YOU'RE PREPARED TO
DO ONE OF THE SCENES IN A MOVIE WHERE YOU WALK AWAY FROM FROM
THE BARN AND IT EXPLODES?
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: AND YOU JUST KEEP STARING AT THE CAMERA.
>> I WILL SAY, EVEN THOUGH IT WAS DONE FOR THE DARKEST OF
REASONS AT THE MOST AWFUL OF TIMES, IT DID-- THERE IS A CHILD
IN YOU THAT THINKS, "THAT WAS PRETTY COOL."
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
YEAH.
IT WAS GREAT.
>> Stephen: THAT'S NICE.
CONGRATULATIONS OGZ THIS.
CONGRATULATIONS.
ON THAT.
QUITE AN ACHIEVEMENT.
WE HAVE TO TAKE A LITTLE BIT OF A BREAK.
BUT DON'T GO ANYWHERE.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MR. JOHN OLIVER.
STICK AROUND.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).
♪ ♪ ♪