Translator: Mohand Habchi Reviewer: Denise RQ
"Don't be nice" is a popular saying among performance poets.
It's often shouted at people as they step to the stage,
like, "Don't be nice, poet."
This is not meant to psych them out
but to remind them to not hold back, to say everything that needs to be said.
If you're like me, not being nice is hard.
You want to wave at everyone.
Smile the kind of smiles that make happy emojis jealous.
Play sports with the greatest sportsmanship of all time.
Being nice makes my life nice.
It gives me approval from others, and I love approval.
You could say I approve of approval.
Being nice allows me to avoid conflict, and I do not love conflict.
You could say, I have a conflict with conflict,
but don't tell this to conflict, because I don't want it to get upset.
(Laughter)
I wish there was a place called "Nice World",
where we can all go and be really nice to each other.
Where every car was manufactured with a second gentler horn,
and when you honk it, it goes,
"Excuse me, don't mean to be rude, but there's a green light up ahead."
(Laughter)
A world where everyone floats around, and the only currency is hugs.
But we live in an actual world, with stores that don't accept hugs:
Target.
(Laughter)
A world with gravity, and friction, and evil forces.
A world that demands we be more than nice sometimes.
Nice by itself is parsley.
It's the lemon on the rim of your sweet tea.
The cucumbers in your salad.
It's not the cucumbers aren't great, they are,
but alone, they will not sustain us.
Being nice lacks real nutritional value.
I used to tell myself the main reason I was being nice
was to contribute to society's greater good.
That by smiling and nodding politely at all times,
I was one of the good guys, a Batman for harmony.
But if I'm being real,
my need to keep others happy is not altruistic, it's selfish.
It comes from a place of approval seeking, from avoiding tension.
There are times when I am nice because it is safe,
when my desire to keep people comfortable trumps my desire to keep them honest.
There are times when I feel like a six-foot one-inch stock of parsley;
like a man made entirely of cucumbers.
When a friend catcalled a waitress at a bar, I said nothing.
When a mover saw me sticking books underneath my bed frame to balance it,
and suggested I use the Qur'an, I said nothing.
When a relative told me he doesn't have a problem with black people, but--
I said nothing.
My actions spoke for me.
They said I'm not a bad person, but--
I've heard that in order to give a talk like this,
you're supposed to be an expert at something.
And it embarrasses me to tell you
that I've been an expert at closing my mouth,
at telling myself it's not my place,
that I can't change someone, that I should just be quiet and smile.
When I look back at the moments I am the most ashamed of,
it is always the times I needed to go beyond nice but didn't,
because I felt the urge to protect people's feelings
even when those people had feelings
that were racist, or misogynistic, or homophobic,
something inside told me to play nice, to avoid offending the offensive.
My mom has a quote that pinned to the bulletin board above her desk,
that reads, "Always be a little kinder than necessary."
And I appreciate the sentiment.
I've got days made by cashiers who took the time to ask me about mine.
Evenings lit up by the unprompted smiles of strangers.
I believe in being friendlier than you need to,
in forgiving those who make mistakes,
in leaving a penny without expecting one in return,
but I also believe there are times when this world needs a talking to
when we must be willing to make people uncomfortable.
I hate making people uncomfortable;
it makes me uncomfortable, I stammer, my face turns red,
I don't always come up with the right words,
but I've come to realize,
that sometimes, being uncomfortable is more necessary than being nice.
That saying something will always have a greater impact than saying nothing,
that addressing people for being terrible doesn't make you terrible.
Can you imagine how much less of a hero Batman would be
if he was constantly afraid of making the Joker upset?
If he saw Bane destroy Gotham and changed the subject to the weather?
Sometimes being good means being kinder than required,
but sometimes, it means standing up to the jokers,
pushing past discomfort,
giving the world what is necessary even when it doesn't feel so nice.
I realize we aren't all performance poets stepping to the stage,
but wherever we are walking towards,
let us remember to not hold back, to say what needs to be said,
even if our faces turn red, or we stutter, or the room gets a little uncomfortable;
let us blare our horns when we need to be heard.
Add some greens to the cucumber salad.
Let us not be nice, let us be more, let us be good.
Thank you.
(Applause)