MY FIRST GUEST TONIGHT IS A
PRODUCER, DIRECTOR, AN EMMY- AND
GOLDEN GLOBE-WINNING ACTOR WHO'S
KNOWN FOR EVERYTHING FROM
"ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO'S
NEST," TO "IT'S ALWAYS SUNNY IN
PHILADELPHIA."
PLEASE WELCOME THE ONE, THE
ONLY, THE GREAT, DANNY DEVITO.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: DANNY DEVITO,
EVERYBODY!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
♪ ♪ ♪
ALL RIGHT!
OKAY!
>> Stephen: PLEASE, PLEASE.
LISTEN, A STANDING OVATION?
>> STEPHEN!
COLBERT!
>> Stephen: DO YOU GET THAT
EVERYWHERE YOU GO?
>> YES!
( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: MUST BE NICE BEING
YOU?
>> YEAR, IT'S NICE.
>> Stephen: NICE TO MEET YOU.
>> REALLY NICE TO MEET YOU.
>> Stephen: I'VE BEEN A
LONGTIME FAN.
>> ME, TOO.
>> Stephen: BUT I NEVER MET
YOU BEFORE.
THIS IS REALLY EXCITING FOR ME.
>> ME, TOO.
STRANGERS WITH CANDY, BABY.
>> Stephen: YOU WATCH
"STRANGERS WITH CANDY?"
>> OH, YEAH.
>> Stephen: I DID NOT KNOW YOU
WERE MENTALLY DISTURBED?
>> I, WHACKED.
I AM DEMENTED.
>> Stephen: WHEN I SEE THOSE
FANS THEY'RE PEOPLE WITH THE
SHAVED EYEBROWS.
YOU RELATE TO "STRANGERS WITH
CANDY?"
IT'S ABOUT ADULTS WHO ACT LIKE
CHILDREN.
>> YEAH, I KNOW.
AND AIMEE --
>> SEDARIS.
>> YOU GUYS ARE GREAT.
>> Stephen: WE HAD A LOT OF
FUN TOGETHER.
WE'RE STILL FRIENDS.
>> YEAH, YOU HANG OUT.
THAT'S GOOD.
>> Stephen: SPEAKING OF ADULTS
THAT ACT LIKE CHILDREN.
ARE YOU FAMILIAR WITH THE NUMBER
OF PEOPLE WHO COMPARE YOU WITH
PICTURES OF YOUR CHILDREN.
THERE IS A CHILD WHO HAS BECOME
INTERNET FAMOUS, INTERNET
FAMOUS, LOOKING LIKE YOU.
>> OH, MY GOSH!
( LAUGHTER )
OH, MY GOSH!
>> Stephen: ARE YOU FAMILIAR?
>> NO, I'VE NEVER SEEN THAT ONE.
BUT I LIKE THE IDEA OF THE WET
LIP.
IT LOOKS LIKE THERE'S SNOT
COMING DOWN.
IT LOOKS REALLY LIKE, YOU KNOW,
VERY-- YEAH.
>> Stephen: DO YOU FEEL LIKE
YOU'RE LOOKING AT A
WELL-MOISTURIZED MIRROR?
>> YEAH.
IT MAKES ME HUNGRY, THE BABY.
>> Stephen: LIKE YOU'RE GOING
TO EEPT THE BABY?
( LAUGHTER )
>> DID YOU EVER HAVE DIM SUM?
>> Stephen: NO I DON'T THINK I
EVER HAD DIM SUM.
WHY, IS IT LIKE EATING A BABY?
>> LITTLE TINY THINGS, LITTLE
DUMP LINGS.
POP THEM IN YOUR MOUTH.
YOU SEE!
>> Stephen: THAT'S A VERY-- I
LOVE THAT.
>> YOU SEE!
NOW YOU KNOW WHY I WATCH THAT
SHOW, THAT SICK SHOW.
>> Stephen: YOU KNOW WHAT MY
WIFE WOULD SAY AFTER SHE WATCHED
"STRANGERS WITH CANDY?"
SOMETIMES SHE WOULD GET UP AND
SAY I WANT TO KNOW HOW YOU
THOUGHT OF THAT SHOW?
I SAID, "BECAUSE I GREW UP IN
AMERICA."
YOU'VE GOT A NEW MOVIE NOW, THAT
YOU'RE DOING WITH ROBERT DE NIRO
CALLED "THE COMEDIAN."
>> I PLAY HIS BROTHER.
>> Stephen: IN THIS ONE HE'S A
COMEDIAN WHO IS DOWN ON HIS
LUCK.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: HE GOT FAMOUS FROM
A SITCOM.
THAT'S ALL ANYBODY KNOWS HIM
FROM.
HE'S DONE SOME TIME AND NOW HE'S
OUT.
>> NOW HE'S OUT AND HE COMES TO
MY DELI.
I HAVE A DELI.
IT'S NOT LIKE A GRITTY DELI.
>> Stephen: I NEVER SAID-- I
NEVER SAID IT WAS A GRITTY DELI.
I'M SURE IT GETTA A FINE HEALTH
RATING.
>> IT'S REAL.
>> Stephen: WE HAVE A CLIP OF
YOU AND YOUR BROTHER, BOBBY "D,"
TALKING ABOUT--
>> BOBBY "D."
A LITTLE BOBBY "D" COMING UP.
THAT'S WHAT WE'RE DOING RIGHT
NOW.
LET'S GO DO IT.
LET'S ROLL THAT CLIP OF BOAB
"D."
>> Stephen: THIS IS A VACATION
FOR ME.
YOU JUST GO.
>> I'M HAVING SO MUCH FUN.
>> Stephen: I'M GOING TO TAKE
MY THANKSGIVING BREAK RIGHT NOW.
YOU KEEP TALKING.
THIS IS BOBBY "D."
>> SHE DESERT YOU?
>> NO, NO, SHE'S GOING TO COME
BACK.
>> COOL IT, CASANOVA.
>> EXCIEWZ ME.
>> YOU GOT 30 DAYS.
I GOT LIFE.
>> DOES SHE KNOW ABOUT THE
MONEY?
>> YES.
>> IT'S GOING TO TAKE ME A WHILE
TO PAY YOU BACK.
>> SHE KNOWS, SHE KNOWS, AND WE
BOTH AGREE WE DON'T WANT YOU TO
PAY US BACK.
>> WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
WHAT IT MEANS IS I DON'T HAVE TO
DO THIS ANYMORE, YOU UNDERSTAND?
I'M THROUGH WITH THIS.
I'M DONE WITH THIS.
YOU DON'T COME BACK ANYMORE AND
ASK FOR ANYTHING EVER AGAIN.
>> WHAT ARE YOU SO MAD ABOUT?
>> I'M NOT MAD.
BUT PEOPLE DON'T CHANGE.
PEOPLE NEVER CHANGE.
THEY ARE WHAT THEY ARE, AND
THAT'S THAT.
>> WHAT IS THIS?
>> YOU SEE HOW IT IS WITH HER?
LIKE, YOU BECOME A THING.
( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE )
THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: WHO IS THE OLDER
BROTHER IN THIS ONE.
>> BOB IS THE OLDER BROTHER.
BOB'S OLDER.
I'M YOUNGER.
BOB'S OLDER.
THAT'S PATTY LAPONE IN THAT
SCENE.
>> Stephen: I KNOW.
YOU'RE A BABY BROTHER.
YOU HAVE TWO OLDER SISTERS.
>> I HAVE TWO OLDER SISTER S.
>> Stephen: I WAS THE BABY
BOY.
>> IT'S THE BEST!
YOU'RE LIKE THE PRINCE!
>> Stephen: YEAH.
>> LIKE-- I MEAN, IT'S LIKE THE
GREATEST!
HOW OLD WAS YOUR MOM WHEN YOU--
SHE HAD YOU?
>> SHE WAS 43 WHEN SHE HAD ME.
>> MINE, TOO, 45.
IT'S REALLY, LIKE, A COOL THING.
YOU GOT YOUR SISTERS WERE THE
OLDER ONES WHO TOOK CARE OF YOU
--
>> THEY'RE KIND OF LIKE YOUR
MOMS.
>> KIND OF LIKE YOUR MOMS AND
YOUR MOTHER IS LIKE YOUR
GRANDMOTHER.
>> Stephen: A LITTLE BIT.
IT'S REALLY TRUE.
MY SISTERS ARE SURPRISED I EVER
LEARNED TO WARWIC WALK THEY CARR
AROUND.
>> EVIDENCE A PAIN IN THE ASS.
IMAGINE TWO SISTERS, THEY'RE
LIKE TEENAGERS, RIGHT.
MY SISTER-- ONE OF MY SISTERS,
16 YEARS OLDER THAN ME.
YOU CAN IMAGINE SHE'S GOING OUT
WITH A BOY, SHE'S GOT TO TAKE ME
WITH HER.
( LAUGHTER )
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
AND I REMEMBER THIS.
I REMEMBER THIS LIKE IT WAS
YESTERDAY.
I CRIED LIKE A LITTLE BRAT
BECAUSE THEY WERE GOING TO A
DRIVE-IN MOVIE.
MY SISTER AND HER BOYFRIEND TOOK
ME TO A DRIVE-IN MOVIE.
I SAT IN THE MIDDLE!
( LAUGHTER )
IT WAS LIKE-- I MEAN, LIKE, YOU
KNOW, THAT'S REALLY SHAME-- I'M
ASHAMED OF THAT.
( LAUGHTER ).
>> Stephen: MY SISTER MARY IS
16 YEARS OLDER THAN I AM.
>> THERE YOU GO!
>> Stephen: WHEN I WAS A
LITTLE BOY HE WAS DATING A GUY
FROM ANNAPOLIS, AND THEY WEAR
THE DRESS WHITES.
>> THAT'S INTIMIDATING.
>> Stephen: AND I'M LIKE A
THREE-YEAR-OLD KID KID.
HE'S WAITING FOR MY SISTER MAYOR
TOW COME DOWN TO TAKE HER TO THE
RING DANCE IN ANNAPOLIS, AND I
CAME IN WITH CHOCOLATE ON MY
HANDS.
AND I SAT NEXT TO HIM AND WENT,
"I LIKE YOU."
( LAUGHTER )
>> IT'S LIKE A GREAT THING!
>> Stephen: HE DIDN'T YELL.
THAT'S WHY MY SISTER WAS LIKE,
"I LIKE THIS ONE."
YOU ALSO HAVE A SHORT FILM THAT
YOU'VE MADE, YOU'VE DIRECTED.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: THAT'S VERY DEAR
TO YOUR HEART CALLED
"CRUMUDGEONS."
IT'S ABOUT TWO OLDER MEN IN THE
ASSISTED LIVING FACILITY WHO
FALL IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER AND
THE FAMILIES HAVE TO DEAL WITH
THAT, DEAL WITH THAT EMOTION.
WHY WAS THAT AN IMPORTANT STORY
I SAW THE PLAY OFFBROADWAY
CALLED "CRUMUDGEONS."
AND MY DAUGHTER LUCY WHO IS IN
THE MOVIE SHEERK SAID WHEN WE
CAME OUT OF THIS PLAY, IT WAS
LIKE ONE OF THOSE EXPERIENCE
WHERE'S IT'S LIKE FANTASTIC.
IT WAS SO GREAT.
AND IT WAS SO, LIKE, PERFECT.
SHE SAID, "WE SHOULD MAKE THIS
INTO A LITTLE MOVIE."
THIS WAS LIKE THREE YEARS AGO.
AND WITH THE WHOLE THING ABOUT
GAY PEOPLE GETTING MARRIED NOW,
BEING ABLE TO DO WHAT THEY
REALLY WANT TO DO AND LOVE THE
PEOPLE THAT THEY WANT TO LOVE.
SO WE THOUGHT IT WAS A REALLY
GREAT SUBJECT AND WE MADE THE
MOVIE AND IT'S ON VIMEO BY THE
WAY, YOU GO
VIMEO.COM/CRUMBOGONS.
TELL ME HOW YOU THINK?
WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT IT.
>> Stephen: TWEET DANNY.
TWEET @DANNY.
>> IT WAS ONE OF THOSE-- THE GUY
WHO IS IN IT, DAVID MARGULIES.
>> Stephen: GREAT ACTOR.
NO LONGER WITH US, SADLY.
>> YES, I'VE BEEN FRIENDS WITH
HIM SINCE BEFORE MOST OF THESE
PEOPLE WERE BORN-- NOT YOU.
( LAUGHTER ).
>> Stephen: YEAH.
>> YEAH...
>> Stephen: YEAH.
>> AH, STEPHEN!
>> Stephen: OH, DANNY!
YOU'RE AUTOPSY ABOUT TO MAKE
YOUR BROADWAY DEBUT.
IN "THE PRICE" ON BROADWAY IN
FEBRUARY.
>> THAT'S WHERE I'M GOING.
>> Stephen: YOU'VE DONE
THEATER BEFORE.
YOU WERE IN THE ORIGINAL OFF
BROADWAY CAST OF "ONE FLEW OVER
THE CUCKOO'S NEST"."
>> THE GENESIS OF THAT WAS KIRK
DOUGLAS READ THE BOOK, AND HE
COMMISSIONED DALE WAWSERMAN TO
WRITE THE PLAY.
DALE WASSERMAN WROTE THE PLAY IN
THE 60s.
KIRK DID IT ON BROADWAY.
DIDN'T GO WELL.
IT WAS WAY AHEAD OF ITS TIME IN
TERMS OF THE WAY PEOPLE THOUGHT
ABOUT THOSE INSTITUTION.
AND I IT STAYED DORMANT FOR A
WHILE UNTIL PEOPLE STARTED
READING THAT BOOK AND GOT VERY
EXCITED ABOUT IT.
AND IN 1969 OR '70, THEY REVIVED
IT IN SAN FRANCISCO, AND THEN
THEY BROUGHT IT HERE.
OKAY, SO THIS WHOLE BACK STORY.
WE RAN THE SHOW FOR FOUR, FIVE
YEARS HERE.
AND IN 74, MICHAEL DOUGLAS,
KIRK'S SON, TOOK THE THING, MADE
A MOVIE OUT OF IT.
>> Stephen: HE WAS YOUR
ROOMMATE, RIGHT, MICHAEL
DOUGLAS?
>> YEAH, HE WAS MY ROOMMATE.
>> Stephen: WHAT WAS HE LIKE
AS A ROOMMATE?
DID YOU HAVE FUN?
>> WE HAD THE TIE RULE, YOU
KNOW.
>> Stephen: WHAT'S THE TIE
RULE?
LIKE THE SOCK ON THE DOORKNOB?
>> YEAH, THE TIE-- IT WAS LIKE A
DORM ROOM.
AND IT WAS --
>> WHOIFIED THE TIE ON MORE YOU
OFTEN.
>> WHOEVER HAD THE GIRL INSIDE.
>> Stephen: YEAH, YEAH?
>> AND THEN YOU DIDN'T GO IN.
YOU HAD TO HANG OUT.
>> Stephen: OF THE TIE
FREQUENTLY ON THE DOORKNOB?
>> A LOT OF TIMES.
>> Stephen: DID YOU SLEEP AT A
DINER A LOT OR DID HE?
>> I DID MOST OF THE SLEEPING
OUT.
( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: THANK YOU SO MUCH
FOR BEING HERE.
>> HEY, MAN.
>> Stephen: ALWAYS A PLEASURE.
>> SO NICE TO MEET YOU.
>> Stephen: AND IT'S NEVER
HAPPENED BEFORE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: "THE COMEDIAN" IS IN
SELECT CITIES DECEMBER 2, AND
HIS SHORT FILM, "CURMUDGEONS" IS
AVAILABLE ON VIMEO.
DANNY DEVITO, EVERYBODY.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK