Welcome to Top10Archive!
We’ve spent countless late-night hours enjoying the exploits of greats like Ron Popeil and
the late, great Billy Mays, but no matter how many infomercials and commercials you
watched, you were never prepared for those gems that called out the worst aspects of
televised advertising.
These ten televised product advertisements are the worst of the worst, and we couldn’t
wait to share them with you!
10.
Booty Pop For the small, introductory price of $19.95,
you too can enjoy the benefits of butt-lift surgery without painful recovery and permanent
transformation.
You can, however, endure the awkward moment of disappointment when you disrobe in front
of your intended beau, only to show that your assets are as voluptuous they seemed.
Really, the weirdest thing about Booty Pop’s butt fashion show of an infomercial is do
women really snap their butts at one another every time they walk into the room?
9.
UroClub It’s not often you stumble across a product
that promotes public urination, but the UroClub does exactly that.
We start the 35-second ad being introduced to Middle-Aged Joe who is in desperate need
of an alternative to relieving himself on Mother Nature.
He’s not alone, though, as just prior to the commercial’s close, he’s joined by
three friends who apparently enjoy the urinal set up so much that they’re completely without
boundaries.
The UroClub is as disgusting as it sounds: a golf club with a capped reservoir designed
specifically to hold your urine.
Nothing says a great game of golf like walking around with a club filled with your piss.
8.
Slap Chop Thanks to the Slap Chop Food Chopper, I no
longer live a mundane and boring life!
At least, that’s the response we’re expected to have when we purchase the ever-convenient
Slap Chop!
We may not be as boring as Vince, our enthusiastic host, assumes seeing as how we would never
describe the act of chopping and making tuna salad as “exciting”.
We do feel the tone of the infomercial shifting occasionally when he assures us that we’re
going to “love his nuts” and will be “slapping our troubles away”.
In fact, the whole infomercial has a very weird sexual undertone that makes us question
what the writers intended.
7.
The Hawaii Chair Try and watch this infomercial once from beginning
to end and see what you pick up about the product.
Probably nothing, right?
Because it’s infuriatingly difficult to focus on anything else that’s going on when
everyone is sitting there, swiveling back and forth like they have some drastic nervous
tick.
The concept may be good, we don’t know.
We can’t get past the idea of how incredibly annoying it would be to have to sit near someone
who’s body is being jerked back and forth while their upper body struggles to remain
steady, or worse.. trying to work while your body is being jerked back and forth while
your upper half struggles to remain steady.
6.
Ginsu Knife The advertisements for the Ginsu Knife is
a classic that brings back many memories of late night infomercials, but that doesn’t
mean we’re going to overlook its follies.
The advertisement sets the stage by reminding us that this is an Asian product with some
good ‘ole fashion karate chopping.
Alas!
You can’t karate chop a tomato!
Enter the Ginsu Knife!
The one and only knife you’ll ever need to use, and you know this because you’ve
seen it cut through thick roast beef, hearty bread, tomatoes, and… planks of wood?
Overall it's not the worst infomercial out there, but the over-the-top and clearly forced
enthusiasm from the narrator doesn't help to sell such a worth product.
5.
The Tiddy Bear We get the need for more comfortable seatbelt
straps, but does it have to be so creepy?
First off, why are we being tricked into believing that this was a great design for normal, mentally
stable adults?
We’re not introduced to the first child-users until halfway through the ad, long after we’re
given the assumption that the bear is really just a cleavage cushion.
Can we also talk about the name?
4.
The Gazelle Like any exercise machine, The Gazelle looks
like it will work wonders, but fails to do anything once it’s in your living room.
That’s not our issue with this awkward infomercial.
It’s just like every other exercise machine advertisement with its proclamations that
it’ll make you thinner, but this one gets a little creepy when male host Tony Little
shows how the Gazelle can spice up your love life.
Climbing on the Gazelle behind co-host Darla Haun, Little gives us the physical demonstration
we were praying he would launch into.
Thank you, Tony.
Our day is now complete.
3.
Rejuvenique Electric Facial Mask “What we’ve created here is the perfect
combination of serial killer attire and facial rejuvenation!
Gone are the days of simply wearing a mask just to hide your face and now you can enjoy
your nightly slaughter without missing your nightly facial treatments!”
Think our rendition of the Rejuvenique Electric Facial Mask ad is “too silly” or “stupid?”
Look at that featureless design, made even more unsettling by the deadness in the eyes
of those wearing it.
For something that’s massaging your face, you expect eyes that are a bit livelier and
less focused on what murder tool will require the least clean-up.
2.
Shake Weight for Men The Shake Weight infomercial is about as uncomfortable
as they come.
We could be enthusiastic about the results possible with the Shake Weight, but the Shake
Weight for Men commercial features a segment towards the beginning which demonstrations
bulky, muscular men struggling with the weight after 14 seconds.
How’s the average Joe going to fair?
Looking beyond that silliness, throughout the very dramatic selling of this new-aged
exercise device, we’re treated to uneasy slow-motion close-ups of the shaking weight.
Very uneasy and very reminiscent of… well… let’s move on… besides, South Park already
did it.
1.
Doc Bottoms Aspray How former contractor Adam Jay Geisinger could
muster up the lack of self-respect to star in a commercial for his product designed specifically
for unpleasant body odors is beyond us, but we have to assume he’s been the butt of
many jokes since.
Described as an “all over” body spray, the Aspray ad ensures that you know just how
literal they are when using the phrase “all over”, from your own unclean genitals to
Lanny F’s “odors in special places”.
It’s a commercial so ridiculous it takes a few viewings before realizing the phrase
“beastly butt odor” was actually used to try and market
this product.