ALMOST EVERY DAY WE GET A NEW MUST-SEE MOMENT FROM FORMER VICE
PRESIDENT AND MAN ASKING, "IF THEY'RE UNLIMITED BREADSTICKS,
WHY CAN'T I TAKE SOME HOME IN A ZIPLOC?" JOE BIDEN.
( LAUGHTER ) AN OLD VIDEO FROM 2017 WENT
VIRAL THIS WEEKEND.
AND IN IT, BIDEN TELLS A STORY FROM HIS YOUTH, WHEN HE WAS THE
ONLY WHITE LIFEGUARD AT A PREDOMINATELY BLACK DELAWARE
POOL.
MAKES SENSE.
LIFEGUARD IS THE VICE PRESIDENT OF THE POOL-- LARGELY
CEREMONIAL, NO ONE LISTENS TO YOU, AND YOU HAVE A WHISTLE.
( LAUGHTER ) BIDEN TOLD THE STORY AT A
CEREMONY IN WHICH THE CITY NAMED THAT POOL AFTER HIM, AND IT
TURNED INTO A WEIRD RAMBLY STORY ABOUT A GUY NAMED "CORN POP."
>> CORN POP WAS A BAD DUDE, AND HE RAN A BUNCH OF BAD BOYS.
AND I DID-- BACK IN THOSE DAYS-- TO SHOW HOW THINGS HAVE CHANGED,
ONE OF THE THINGS YOU HAD TO USE, IF YOU USED POMADE IN YOUR
HAIR, YOU HAD TO WEAR A BATHING CAP, AND SO HE WAS UP ON THE
BOARD, WOULDN'T LISTEN TO ME, I SAID 'HEY ESTHER, YOU, OFF THE
BOARD, OR I'LL COME UP AND DRAG YOU OFF'.
>> Stephen: OKAY, OKAY, I GOT "BACK IN THOSE DAYS,"
POMADE, BATHING CAP, 1940'S FILM STAR ESTHER WILLIAMS... I
HAVE GRANDPA BINGO!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( PIANO RIFF )
SO BIDEN TOLD CORN POP TO GET OFF THE DIVING BOARD FOR
BREAKING THE RULES, AND CORN POP HAD ANOTHER OFFER.
>> WELL, HE CAME OFF AND HE SAID 'I'LL MEET YOU OUTSIDE'.
HE WAS WAITING THERE FOR ME WITH THREE GUYS AND STRAIGHT RAZORS.
NOT A JOKE.
THERE WAS A GUY NAMED BILL WRIGHT, MOUSE, THE ONLY WHITE
GUY GUY AND HE DID ALL THE POOLS.
HE WAS THE MECHANIC.
THERE USED TO BE A CHAIN THAT WENT ACROSS THE DEEP END.
AND HE CUT OFF A SIX FOOT LENGTH OF CHAIN.
SO, I WALKED OUT WITH THE CHAIN.
( LAUGHTER ) >> STEPHEN: YES, JOE BIDEN
FIGHTS WITH A CHAIN, ALSO KNOWN AS GETTING SMACKED WITH THE RUST
BELT.
( LAUGHTER ) SO BIDEN HAD THE CHAIN, BUT CORN
POP AND THE GANG HAD SOME GNARLY WEAPONS OF THEIR OWN.
>> IN THOSE DAYS, REMEMBER THE STRAIGHT RAZORS YOU'D BANG THEM
ON THE CURB, GET THEM RUSTY, PUT THEM IN THE RAIN BARREL, GET
THEM RUSTY.
>> STEPHEN: THE RAIN BARREL?
"THEY WOULD DIP THEM IN THE SALTWATER TAFFY VAT."
( LAUGHTER ) IS THIS WHAT KIDS WERE DOING IN
THE EARLY '60S?
BECAUSE I THINK WE NEED TO REEVALUATE HOW BAD "SCREEN TIME"
IS.
(AS PARENT) "LITTLE TIMMY HAS BEEN WATCHING
A LOT OF YOUTUBE, BUT HE HAS NOT CUT A BITCH IN MONTHS!"
( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Jon: SIX OF ONE, HALF DOZEN OF THE OTHER, YOU KNOW.
>> Stephen: NOW, I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING, YOU'RE THINKING
"HOW DID THIS STORY END?" AND, ALSO, "DID THIS STORY END?"
IT DID.
BIDEN APOLOGIZED, CORN POP ACCEPTED, AND THEY JOINED UP TO
BALLET-FIGHT THEIR REAL ENEMIES, THE SHARKS AND JETS.
( LAUGHTER ) POW!
POW!
( PIANO RIFF ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
CRAZY BOY!
EASY!
EASY, CORN POP!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) I LIKE A LOT OF WHAT JOE BIDEN
SAYS.
ALL THIS SOUNDS TOO INSANE TO BE TRUE, BUT THE FORMER MAYOR OF
WILMINGTON, DELAWARE, CONFIRMED CORN POP WAS THE REAL PERSON,
SAYING HE WAS REAL AS THE MOON IN THE SKY.
DOES EVERYONE IN THIS STORY SOUND LIKE THEY'RE IN A FRANK
CAPRA MOVIE?
(AS OLD MAN) "OH I REMEMBER THE DUST-UP
BETWEEN JOE AND CORN POP-- IT WAS AS REAL AS THE SONG IN YOUR
HEART THE FIRST TIME YOU SEE A LADY'S GAMS."
( LAUGHTER ) IF THIS STORY IS TRUE, THEN IT'S
A CRITICAL MOMENT IN U.S.
HISTORY.
WHICH IS WHY WE'VE BROUGHT IT TO LIFE WITH THIS PAINSTAKINGLY
ACCURATE HISTORICAL REENACTMENT.
>> HEY!
IT'S MALARKEY ENDS HERE, CORN POP.
>> OH, REALLY?
TELL THAT TO THE BALANCED BREAKFAST GANG!
THAT'S 2% MILK, SLICED BANANA AND TOAST.
>> THIS IS ABOUT RESPECTING THE LAW OF THE POOL.
NO BOUNCING ON THE BOARD, NO SWIMMING AFTER YOU EAT AND NO
RUNNING BY THE POOL.
YOU COULD SLIP AND HURT YOURSELF, AND THEN I WOULD HAVE
TO HIT YOU WITH THIS CHAIN.
>> I MISS YOU CORN POP, THIS GUY'S EYES ARE FILLING WITH
BLOOD.
HE'S CRAZY.
>> JUST THINKING OF BARACK OBAMA, MY BEST FRIEND IN THE
WORLD.
HE'S CURRENTLY ONE YEAR OLD.
JUST LOOKING OUT FOR YOU AND SORRY I CALLED YOU ESTER
WILLIAMS BECAUSE I REALIZE NOW EVEN IN 1962 THAT'S A REALLY OLD
REFERENCE.
>> JOE, YOU'RE NOT SO BAD.
YOU'RE NOT MY FAVORITE, BUT YOU'RE FINE.
LET'S GET OUT OF HERE, BOYS.
>> NICE GUY.
WONDER WHY THEY CALL HIM CORN POP.
>> STEPHEN: WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.
TOM HIDDLESTON IS HERE.
BUT WHEN WE RETURN, MEANWHILE!