-Ladies and gentlemen, Kim Kardashian West!
♪♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
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-Thank you.
Thank you guys so much.
I'm Kim Kardashian West.
And it's so great to be here tonight.
I know.
I'm surprised to see me here, too.
[ Laughter ]
When they asked, I was like, "You want me to host? Why?
I haven't had a movie premiere in a really long time."
[ Laughter ]
I mean, actually, I only had that one movie come out,
and no one told me it was even premiering.
[ Laughter ]
It must have slipped my mom's mind.
[ Laughter ]
I'm excited to be here tonight to show you guys
that I'm so much more than just a pretty face...
[ Cheers and applause ]
But, but...
and good hair and great makeup and amazing boobs,
and a perfect butt.
Basically, I'm just so much more than that reference photo
my sisters showed their plastic surgeons.
[ Laughter ]
But the one thing I'm really proud of
is that no one could ever call me a gold digger.
Honestly, I'm not even sure how you become one.
So, I asked my mom's boyfriend, Corey.
[ Cheers and applause ]
I've been lucky in life, and I know that I'm privileged,
which is why I try to give back as much as I can.
A real passion of mine is getting wrongly accused people
out of jail.
[ Applause ]
Thank you.
You know, I think I'm following in my father's footsteps.
Now, you know, my father was and still is
such an influence and inspiration to me.
And I credit him with really opening up my eyes
to racial injustice.
It's because of him that I met my first black person.
Want to take a stab in the dark at who it was?
[ Laughter ]
I know it's sort of weird to remember the first black person
you met, but O.J. does leave a mark -- or several.
Or none at all.
I still don't know.
[ Applause ]
But listen...
[ Applause ]
Listen -- I'm an influencer,
so I understand that the things that I say carry weight.
But, you know, I would never tell anyone
what they can or can't do.
Remember -- I'm a Kim, not a Karen.
And, honestly, with all of the "K" names,
it's really impressive that my mom didn't pick "Karen."
I mean, somehow she just knew.
I don't know how she saw that one coming and not Caitlyn.
[ Laughter ]
Now...
[ Applause ]
Now, I know we're divided as a country,
but I'd love America to come together,
which is why I'm here to announce that I'm running for --
I'm just kidding, guys.
I'm not running for president.
We can't have three failed politicians in one family.
I've been very blessed in this life,
and I'm very grateful for everything --
honestly, all the ups, all the downs.
I mean, I married the best rapper of all time.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Yeah.
Not only that, he's the richest black man
in America, a talented, legit genius
who gave me four incredible kids.
[ Cheers and applause ]
So, when I divorced him,
you have to know it came down to just one thing...
his personality.
[ Laughter ]
I know that sounds mean,
but people keep telling me that comedy comes from truth.
And if here's one thing that I always strive to be,
it's genuine.
So, I just want to say how incredibly excited I am
to be up here on this stage tonight.
I mean, I'm so used to having 360 million followers
watching my every move.
And, I mean, how many people watch "SNL"?
Like 10 million?
So, tonight....
Tonight is just like a chill, intimate night for me.
[ Laughter ]
So, we have a really great show for you tonight.
Halsey is here.
So, stick around, and we'll be right back.
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪♪