- A few months ago, Will Smith ran up on stage
and slapped Chris Rock across the face
for a comment he made.
He immediately apologized during his acceptance speech
for an award later that night.
A lot of people feel, and I agree,
that that really wasn't a good apology at all.
Not unusual, because it came right away.
The next day or so,
he apologized on social media for a second time.
That one was a little better,
but still had some missing pieces,
and now, several months later,
three months later, I believe,
he's finally apologizing a third time.
Now, keep in mind, sometimes it takes a couple of attempts
to get an apology right,
so he's not unusual in that way.
We're gonna take a look at his apology
and see if it checks all the right boxes,
and also judge the extent to which we feel he is sincere.
So a good apology does at least four things.
First of all, the person apologizing names the mistake
and takes full responsibility.
Second, they apologize directly.
They say the word "I apologize" or "I'm sorry,"
and they express remorse for the harm they have caused.
Third, they explain what they'll do to make it better,
the corrective action that they can take
to try to repair the harm that's been done.
And the fourth step is they follow through on that apology.
That's really how you know whether it's sincere or not.
So keeping those tips in mind,
those talking points in mind,
let's take a look at Will Smith's apology.
(people conversing indistinctly)
(Will exhaling loudly)
- Why didn't you apologize to Chris
in your acceptance speech?
I was fogged out by that point.
It's all fuzzy.
I've reached out to Chris,
and the message that came back
is that he's not ready to talk,
and when he is, he will reach out.
So, I will say to you, Chris,
I apologize to you.
My behavior was unacceptable
and I'm here whenever you're ready to talk.
I wanna apologize to Chris's mother.
I saw an interview that Chris's mother did.
And, that was one of the things about that moment
I just didn't realized.
I wasn't thinking about how many people got hurt
in that moment.
So I wanna apologize to Chris's mother.
I wanna apologize to Chris's family,
specifically Tony Rock.
We had a great relationship, you know?
Tony Rock was my man,
and this is probably irreparable.
I spent the last three months replaying
and understanding the nuances
and the complexities of what happened in that moment.
And I'm not gonna try to unpack all of that right now,
but I can say to all of you,
there is no part of me that thinks
that was the right way to behave in that moment.
There's no part of me that thinks that's the optimal way
to handle a feeling of disrespect or insults.
- So, so far, we are off to a pretty good start here.
If you're asking me, I'm the one reacting to this,
does he seem authentic?
I think he does.
He does not seem like, for example,
he's just reading off a teleprompter some prepared statement
that his public relations people have created for him.
He's looking around, he's still searching for thoughts.
He's speaking conversationally.
It seems to me that he is speaking from the heart.
He's also checking a lot of boxes
that we mentioned at the beginning of the video
about what a good apology looks and sounds like.
He's accepting full responsibility for what he did.
He's not pointing the finger at anybody.
He's saying this was horrible.
He's really has seemed to come to terms,
for the most part, with what he has done,
and the impact of that.
He specifically said the words, "I apologize."
Not everybody does that.
Some people swerve around it,
but he did, he apologized to Chris,
to Chris's mom and family, to Chris's brother,
who, it sounds like, Will Smith is friends with.
So he really is now saying, "I apologize,"
and it sounds relatively heartfelt to me.
I think we're off to a pretty good start here.
And it looks like, as you can tell,
I've watched this already once or twice,
but he's going to apologize by using these questions
that people have been asking,
and he's using those questions
to structure this conversation.
So let's go on and look at the next question.
- After Jada rolled her eyes,
did she tell you to do something?
No.
I made a choice on my own,
from my own experiences,
from my history with Chris.
Jada had nothing to do with it.
I'm sorry, babe.
I'm so sorry to my kids
and my family for the heat that I brought on all of us.
To all my fellow nominees, this is a community.
I won because you voted for me,
and it really breaks my heart to have stolen
and tarnished your moment.
I can still see Questlove's eyes, you know?
It happened on Questlove's award.
"I'm sorry," really isn't sufficient.
- So, here again, Smith's apology has a lot of qualities
that we usually say a good apology should have.
For example, he has a chance to pass the book.
A lot of people are asking this question,
"I wonder if Jade made him do it or said something to him?"
And he's saying, "No, this was my choice."
One of the key parts of a good apology
is accepting full responsibility
and not passing the book, as we mentioned,
saying, "I apologize.
And here, he's also expressing a lot of remorse.
He's saying, "I really screwed this up,"
and it screwed it up for a lot of people.
He's apologizing to his family.
He's apologizing to the other nominees that night,
the guy, Questlove, I think it was, who won the award
that Chris Rock was supposed to be giving.
He's realizing the full impact of this.
He's done a lot of thinking about this.
This is not someone that sounds like they're still in denial
or someone who's trying to sugarcoat or smooth over,
make it look like he didn't do something that bad.
We call that minimization.
He's not minimizing.
He's really saying, "Look at all the ways, in fact,
that I screwed this up and all the people it impacted."
So, this seems pretty authentic to me,
again, on this question.
He's still searching for words, thinking out loud almost,
and really feeling the full weight of his mistake.
So we're doing pretty well here.
Let's take a look at the third question.
- What would you say to the people
who looked up to you before the slap
or people who expressed that you let them down?
So there's two things.
One, disappointing people is my central trauma.
I hate when I let people down.
So it hurts.
It hurts me psychologically and emotionally
to know I didn't live up to people's image
and impression of me.
And the work I'm trying to do
is I am deeply remorseful
and I'm trying to be remorseful
without being ashamed of myself, all right?
I'm human and I made a mistake,
and I'm trying not to think of myself as a piece of shit.
So, I would say to those people,
I know it was confusing, I know it was shocking,
but I promise you I am deeply devoted
and committed to putting light,
and love, and joy into the world.
And, if you hang on,
I promise we'll be able to be friends again.
- I really like that he answered this question
worded this way.
Now this is the first time in any of his apologies
where he has mentioned the word "slap."
The first apology during the Academy Awards,
he didn't mention it.
And in his social media posts,
he just used the phrase "my behavior."
This time, through this question,
he acknowledges that he slapped Chris Rock.
It's really hard for people to name the actual mistake
in their apology, but he did.
But more than that, he used this question about the loss
that his fans and the public felt in him.
That they might have looked up to him as a role model,
and he really let them down.
And he did, he let them down with what he did there.
And, essentially, he said, "Yeah, I screwed up,
and I think it's one of the worst things that I could do
to disappoint people and let people down,
and it feels awful."
Now, I really appreciate the fact that he added a detail
that he said he's trying not to let this make him feel
like his identity is a piece of crap,
because that tells me
that's something that he is struggling with.
In other words, this is three months later.
He's probably been feeling pretty awful
about himself all along,
and everybody, you, me, Will Smith,
everybody has to get to the place
where they pick themselves up,
no matter what harm they've caused,
try to do the right thing, apologize,
and not let it keep you down,
not let it beat you down into the ground
and sideline you for the rest of your life, for example.
And he's saying his vow,
his promise to the public, to his fans,
is that he is going to,
basically, sounds like he wants to earn our trust back.
He's gonna do the best he can.
And he wants to quote, "Be friends again."
I think that was a really nice way to word it.
So I think this was a great apology through and through.
Was it perfect?
No.
Was it flawless in every word choice
and every way he might have said things?
No, we could pick it apart,
but I give him credit for coming out one more time
and trying to get this apology right,
and put his best foot forward,
and move forward with his life, with his career.
So, well done, Will Smith on this.
Now we'll see the public, you, I, we all have a choice
if we're going to forgive him, so to speak, in our hearts,
to put this in the past as well,
and to try to look at him without thinking
or dwelling too much on his mistake.
So we'll see.
Of course, I would love to hear your comments
in that section of the video below.
Looking forward to that,
and suggest who else I should react to.
I always appreciate your suggestions.
I can't get to all of them,
but I certainly take them seriously.
So, thanks, God bless, and I will see you all soon.