[ theme music ]
[man] Ladies and gentleman, welcome to The Earliest Show
with Josh and Sam.
[ both voice sounds ]
- Take a seat Sam. - Okay, if you say so.
Welcome to The Earliest Show.
- Good morning. - Or good night.
It doesn't matter. We don't know. Whatever you're doing right now.
Josh Bath here, and to my left is Sammi.
I'm Samantha Newman. Welcome, welcome, welcome.
My goodness. Mark, you want to say hello to everyone real quick.
Mark our producer. Thanks for being with us.
[Sam] I got some bad news.
What's some bad news?
I got a retraction from a story we told yesterday.
Hey Mark, stop giving us stories that are fake and phony, okay?
We seem to be retracting-- [ laughs ]
Take me away.
[Josh] Okay. What was it this time?
Well, we showed a photograph of a kitten sitting inside
of a kangaroo's pouch.
Let's show that photograph one more time. Let's look at it.
- Awww. - Awwww.
Turns out it's Photoshopped.
- That is Photoshopped. - Not real.
Mark, what happened? We did a whole story about how that kitten found
a mom and that mom was a kangaroo. Is that all a lie?
Someone has too much time on their hands on the internet.
[Josh] Was that you Mark? - What?
Did you make that pic?
[Josh] Alright Mark. You know what this reminds me of?
You see that cute little baby kitty cat?
Sam has something called the kitty cam.
Now what is this? Let's cut to it right now. Tell me what it is.
Now, this is the live feed from my home.
And just so we know, that is your exact outfit?
That is. She is always matching me perfectly.
And so what is it-- You told me you buy the cat outfits first,
and then sew your own outfits.
Exactly. To match.
Yeah, but why not opposite? Why not buy your outfits, and then sew the tiny version?
I never thought of that.
- For real? - I never thought of that.
How about this? This is a new story. This can't be false, right Mark?
- You swear this is real? - Yep.
Real story. Here we come. Coming at you. We got a scoop on a new one.
We got a scoop. It's a big old ice cream scoop-pa-doo.
I'll take two scoops please.
A little bit of chocolaty cherry.
[ voicing sounds ]
We do have a scoop though for real, not ice cream.
- I'm lactose intolerant. - Me too. Got the di-di.
I get a little bit of di-di. I would like to actually get the ta-di.
I just eat ice cream on the toilet. Just saves me time.
Doctor's are saying... well you know how you walk up stairs?
Yeah. Like this. Hubba, hubba, hubba, hubba.
Yeah. They're saying go like this.
Heebie, heebie, heebie. Walk on the sides. Side step up the stairs, don't walk straight.
So instead of heeba-hobba, heeba-hobba, you want them to do?
[ voicing ]
Side. Wouldn't you feel like that would hurt your hip?
Look, I'll listen to anything a doctor says.
Really? What if a doctor says, "5 out of 6 doctors agree you should stop
getting 12 hours of sleep. That's too much."
I'm going to go see where that 6th doctor is at.
Don't tell anybody. In the green room right now my girlfriend Emily,
who I talk about all the time--
- We love Emily. - You love her. We love-- Mark loves her, but hands off.
Hands off or I'll throw you to the ground.
[Sam] She's taken!
Today, I brought Emily on the show. She's in the green room. She can't hear anything.
Let's cut to her right now. Can you see her? Mark, can you cut to her please?
Mark, you cut back to the picture of the kangaroo.
Nope, Mark that's a picture of yourself.
Fantastic. Right now she can't hear us. She's waiting in the green room, okay.
That lovely woman is about to be proposed to.
- I'm going to propose to Emily today on the show. - No you're not.
- I'm going to cry. - Don't cry.
She cries very weird. I love how she cries. Go.
[ roaring ]
Very big tears. Stop crying. You okay?
- I can't help it-- - [Mark] Big heart.
- [Sam] --this is so romantic. [Josh] I know. I think, today...
when our show ends will be the beginning of the rest of my life.
- [ roaring ] - Don't cry.
- I can't help it. - You know what makes me cry?
Mark, play that music. I think it's time to go over to The Social Wall.
- Yeah. - Let's go Mark. - Let's Dance.
♪ ♪
Okay. Welcome to The Social Wall presented by Cap'n Crunch.
- And away we go. - Woo!
@WhyNot266 writes:
We just got done partying and are about to go to sleep.
How are you just starting your day? What's your morning routine? #EarliestShow
And remember, if you want to get a hold of us, #EarliestShow.
[ indistinct talk ]
My morning routine is I wake up while it's still dark outside,
I sing a song right in Emily's ear...
♪ Oh my God, Emily it's time to do it ♪
And she's supposed to be asleep for way longer.
She wakes up, "So what's going on,"
kiss her on the lips and say gotcha.
- Ah. Next post. - Next post.
@DancingMachine21 writes:
I love when you guys dance. What's your favorite move? #EarliestShow
Oh, I don't know. Maybe this one?
Okay. I think mine's like this.
Next quesh.
Next post.
@TalbotMoonsays:
I think my sister is cute. Is that okay?
Yeah.
Follow-up question. What are you going to do about it?
Follow-up question. You going to be a man and ask her out?
Guys, guys, guys. Let's move forward.
- Sure. - Yeah.
Thank you guys so much for hanging out at The Social Wall.
You know what? A big surprise is coming up soon.
You know what it is. Emily can't hear right now. Let's cut to the green room.
Can you see her? Listen, very soon, I'm going to ask that woman to be my wife.
In the mean time, we have an incredible guest coming up.
So stick around for The Earliest Show.
My life is going to change. Hit the music and let's dance.
♪ ♪
Getting out of bed because you have to eat sucks, right?
Well, now you don't have to with Pillow Bowl.
Just poor your cereal, say "Night-Night"
and wake up to a delicious meal ready to eat.
Order now!
♪ ♪
Welcome back to The Earliest Show.
Here we are. How are you Sam?
- I'm doing great. How are you? - I'm very excited,
because we have an incredible guest.
A basketball player that knows no bounds. 3-point shooter.
Incredible human being.
Ladies and gentleman, welcome to the stage, Reggie Miller!
- Yes. Yes. - [Reggie] Oh my God.
I'm a raving fan.
- Oh my gosh. - How are you doing Sam?
- Good to see you. - Good to see you too.
Sure. I just want to go around.
Sorry, sorry. Take a seat.
[Sam] You look so small.
- [Reggie] Thank you. - [Josh] Cool.
[ shouting ]
I'm a huge basketball fan.
- I'm a huge basketball fan. - Okay.
I am from New York.
So I, don't like you.
One of my first questions is how do you get suits?
Is there one person that makes them for all tall guys,
or do you guys use a big drape?
Yeah.
A big drape?
Yeah, you got [indistinct word]?
I do. You know, Reggie, you're known for your clutch 3-point shooting,
now what do you mean?
You know, people know me for my shooting and making
shots at the end of games.
That's what they mean by clutch shooting.
Clutch. In the clutch.
Being back in the green room, talk about clutch.
What? Tell me.
- I saw Emily back there. - She has no idea?
Zero.
[whispering] His girlfriend is here.
- Are you scared? - I don't know what to do.
I'm almost certain, like I've never felt love like this before in my life
where my whole body feels so warm and I want to just throw all up.
- Listen to me-- - Yeah.
This is going to be great, but don't go in too aggressive.
- Not me. I'm cool dude. - You cool? Have you thought it out?
- You should listen to him. - Have you thought it out?
Yeah. Yeah-yeah-yeah.
I'm going to get her up there, and I'm going to get
real serious and I'm going to look her in the eyes, and I go,
♪ Baby, baby ♪
- No. No. Not the baby, baby. - Yeah, of course not.
- Speak from here. - For real?
- Talk from the heart. - Okay.
Keep eye contact, right? Women like--
[ she's flattered ]
Ask Sam to marry you. I just want to see what it feels like.
- Ask Sam to marry you. - Ooh, I like this game.
- So Sam-- - Mmhmm.
I want to get down on-- See, that's--
- That's what you-- - She's crying for real. This is real.
She thinks this real now Reggie. Reggie, she thinks this is real.
Will you...
go to lunch with me?
Yes.
Ouchie.
What do you think, Sam?
It works for me.
You're red. You're turning red.
I'm-- I'm...
You're turning red. You're a mess right now.
Sam, come on. Pull it together. Sam!
Sam!
It was real. It was real.
We better do a commercial. Let's go to a commercial break.
Ladies and gentleman we will be right back,
and when we come back I'm going to ask Emily to marry me.
Awww.
♪ ♪
[Sam] I want to be in the wedding.
[Mark] What was that lunch stuff? That sucked.
[Josh]] What do you mean that sucked?
[Sam] I think he invited me to lunch.
[Mark] No one wants to see that stuff.
[Sam] He invited-- It was romantic.
[Josh] Do you have a crush on Sam?
[Mark] No.
Alright, it's time for a segment we've all been waiting for.
I'm so excited.
Okay, my girlfriend has been waiting in the green room for a long time.
And Mark, is she ready?
Okay. She hasn't heard anything?
Okay.
♪ I'm talking ladies and gentleman ♪
♪ Welcome to the stage Emily ♪
♪ ♪
Welcome to the stage, Emily. Emily come out.
Come out.
[Emily] Hey. What's going on?
Okay.
- Hey Sam. - Hiii.
- Hey. - What's going on?
- You look gorgeous. So beautiful. - Thanks.
- Emily. - Yeah.
From the moment I saw you, I knew that I wanted to be with you for the rest of my life.
I think in this world you have to find a teammate that you can experience the good and the bad with,
and I think I found my teammate in you.
Okay.
- Oh my God. - Here we go. Okay.
Brian, you got this?
Okay.
Emily Fernandez...
will you marry me?
[ bleep ]
What does that-- Did you say yes?
- Did you say yes? - I said [bleep].
Huh?
- No-- - [ balloon pops ]
No. No.
No-- No, I'm sorry.
What's wrong? What's wrong?
I said, would you marry me?
[whispering] I know, but do you really want to do this in front of everybody.
Yes, I want to know now why?
Should I do it again?
No. No, what are you talking about?
I don't even know if this is real.
What are you talking about? This is real.
Yeah, but I don't know. You're so fake all the time.
You act like you like everything, and that's just impossible.
- I don't like everything. - Yeah. Yeah. You like every single movie,
every single book, every single everything--
I don't like this. I don't like this.
--I just want you to not like something.
I don't like this. I don't like this moment.
Every time I want to have a real conversation with you
you don't even listen to me. You burst out in song, and it--
I never sing.
You did when I came out here.
[ indistinct talking ]
- It's so embarrassing. - So.
Look. I already packed my stuff. I'm going to go and stay with my sister again.
I'm taking the dog...
'cause it's my dog, and...
I'm really sorry. I didn't-- It's pretty.
Thank you. I'm sorry.
Do not call me. Okay?
That went a little bit awry. [chuckles] I'll take that.
Wow. Not how we wanted it.
Hey, that's our show. Tune in tomorrow for more guests and mischief.
Good night and good morning!
[Sam] That was bad. I'm so sorry.
- [Josh] This sucks. - [Sam] Exactly.
[Mark] And we're clear.
Oh good. Okay, I'm so, so sorry.
[Mark] Wow. Our phones are ringing like crazy.
What a-- Wow. A lot of reaction.
- You okay? - Yeah.
Okay, I'm going to call the jewelry place.
[Sam] Thank you.
[ clearing throat in distance ]
♪ ♪
Can you sing? 'Cause we do harmonies.
- No, I can't really. - Great. Let's sing.
Hey man. You alright?
You're making a bunch of noise over here.
[ singing, voicing an instrumental ]
- [he's winning] - No-no-no... Pedro, Pedro, Pedro...
I can't wait to show you what I did.
[Josh] Ahhhh.
...and a little. Tiny little...
- [ singing ] - Aaah!
- They can pour chocolate all over me! - ...get it off your body.