It's pretty important as parents to understand some things about child
development. Vicki and I both have some experience there. So we're going to help
you out with that. I've often said that knowledge is power. Vicki, one of the ways
you say it is, know better, do better. Did I get that right? -Yeah. Yeah. A friend of
mine says that. And I think it's a great piece of information because it is so
easy to get knowledge these days. -It is. -So easy to get information. -In fact,
that's what you're doing right now here on this video. As we share some ideas
with you about child development. Remember, we're coming from a lot of
experience both professionally and personally about how children operate.
And what their developmental expectations are. You know, we talked
about maybe just going through 0 to 3... 0 months to 3 months and above. But you
know what? You're savvy enough to have found this YouTube. -Right. -You can find
kind of those developmental norms out there on the Internet. So, we're going to
talk about some other things about child development. Now, the first tip or
principle we're going to talk about is to remember that play is a child's work.
-It's what they do. -It's what they do. It is the way that they learn. Play is so
important to children. And if we don't remember that, then we have a really hard
time following and focusing on their development. -It's the tasks that they
have to accomplish in order to learn language skills, social skills, emotional
skills. -In playing, you learn turn-taking. And conversation is just turn-taking,
isn't it ?r-Right. -And so you learn turn-taking before you even have any
real language happening. It's just playing as going back and forth. So, you
want to be able to play to learn some turn-taking.
-This is an important skill for parents. And I have worked with a lot of parents
who are very awkward or uncomfortable with just getting down on the floor and
playing with their kids. Try it. If you haven't already,
try it. Just engage in that play with them. You're going to see some neat things
happen. -And you'll get better at it. Go ahead and practice. Practice playing with
them. I have to tell a little story here. When I was in graduate school, I was in
an advanced class in behavioral psychology. And I still remember
professor Paul Robinson coming in. And he set us up for the class by giving us all
a chick. A baby chicken. Do you remember this? And he assigned us as partners, Dr.
mark Normand who is a brilliant neuropsychologist in San Diego, was my
lab partner. And he gave us this little chick. I think we named it birfler. And
our task was to teach this chick everything that it needed to know
because that chick was going to take our final exam. And only if that chick passed
the final exam, would we pass. Now, we're both professional psychologists so that
you know it worked out. But what we learned from that is you have to
approach this chick according to its development and I guarantee that chick
wasn't paying attention when we explained to it how important it was to
us that it passed the final. It didn't care. So, you have to meet kids on their
level as well. And understand what they're capable of. As we meet them at
that level then they progress to higher levels of development. -And that leads
perfectly into when you have understand the levels of development, you get to
the level that they're at, you go to the very edge of it because all learning is
just at the edge of our comfort zone. Just right at that edge. So, you play at
the level that they're at and then just a little beyond. -Stretching and pushing
their stretch to the next level. -If you're aware of what the developmental
norms are then you can meet them right there and then just kind of be pushing
into the playing at the next level up. -Right. -Vicky you've worked with a lot of
kids in a school setting. You're used to doing assessments and finding what the
norms are and what the ranges are. What can you tell us about working
within those? -So, one of the biggest important things to that I would say is
remember that there is a range. So, they say from this age to this age is
considered normal. Because a lot of parents will say, "Hey, walking is supposed
to happen between 9 and 14 months. My kid is 10 months old they're not walking.
What's wrong? What's wrong?" It's a range. So, if they're within that range, they're
still considered norm, alright? -Right. Within normal limits. -Right. You know,
I don't know how many of you know that Paul is a twin. He has a twin
sister. And I think she walked at 10 months, 9 months? He didn't walk. You
didn't walk till you're 14 months. He imagined 2 little twins probably felt
like he was way behind. You know? -I'm behind in other ways too. -So, but just
realize that it's a range. Now, that being said, it's really important to remember
to be careful not to get stuck or trapped into comparisons between your
child and another person's child or child number 1 and child number 2. If
you've had 2 children you already realized they all develop at a very
different pace. -And it's easy to get a little tipped over by that as a parent
and to think, "Oh, there's something wrong with my child." Probably they're still
within the normal limits if you understand the developmental ranges that
we're talking about. -That being said, I cannot stress enough how much I believe
in early intervention. If your child is not within the normal ranges,
please seek some sort of professional advice there. Because early didn't
intervention will predict much higher success rates and outcomes. So, we
do want to be aware of those norms so that we know when our child has left
those norms that you then seek early intervention because it's going to
make all the difference for that child. -You'll give little indicators. So, if your
child is in a play group for example and you're now seeing all of the other kids
are doing this and my child isn't, well pay attention to that. Don't get too
alarmed about it until you understand what the range is because you may well
still be within the normal range. But like Vicki is saying,
if it's something that appears to be on the lower end of that or that we have
some delays, there are so many resources available that can help you to do some
of that early intervention and provide an environment that will enhance your
child's ability to succeed. -And sometimes that early intervention will just be you
taking the next day stage because you're aware of it now and playing and... -Working
them into it. -Right. It doesn't have to always be outside services. -Right. -But it
can be things that you do. That kind of leads us into the fact that you kind of
need to trust your intuition as a parent. There are a lot of times that you kind
of know if something is not quite right with your child if they're not
developing. But I also would strongly encourage you to be humble enough to ask
questions of other moms. "Does your child do this? Do you do that?" And be willing to
question your own expectations. Because perhaps, you think it's just Johnny's way
of hitting every single child every time you get in an playgroup. And although
it might be his way it might not be typical development he might need a
little bit of help with maybe some emotion regulation. -And that may not
serve little Johnny well if he's hitting other people. So, we get to pay attention
to that. Trust your gut. Vicki, I'm glad that you brought that up because as a
parent, I think you are programmed with everything your child needs. You are the
perfect parent for your child and there's a reason why you have the job.
-Right. -So, pay attention to what you're thinking and what you're feeling. Be
humble enough to question it because you know what? We all have just enough
destructive pride going on in our own heart and mind that we know we're right.
Don't get stuck there, okay? And it's not that we think we're right. We know we're
right. You know, once we latch onto an idea. So, have that humility to be open.
-And ask for help from people. Or just even your opinions of other people. I
don't... You know, I had a mom recently in a meeting that she honestly didn't know
that most 5-year-olds were not still receiving bottles when they went to bed.
She just didn't know. -Right. -You know. I don't think she ever talked... She didn't
have a lot of friends or interaction so she didn't know from other moms that
their kids weren't usually drinking from a bottle at 5-years old and that was
causing some of the speech and language things that we were dealing with in some
behavior things. So, just ask and be open to talk about it with other people. -I
think we can give up our need to be right in exchange for being open.
-Remember, our first... Our main job is to love our child. We know how to do that. We
can get all kinds of resources and help and assistance in all the other parts of
our parenting? -What is our job? -To love them no matter what and even if. -Yes. And
that will guide everything else that you do trust your intuitions based on that
foundation. Your job is to love them no matter what and even if. Even if they're
delayed? -You bet. -Oh, yeah. Especially, right? -Right. -Um, Vicki. This brings something up
for me. And I joke about this sometimes but we got to face the reality of it as
well. Ultimately, our job is to love them no matter what and even if and to work
ourselves out of a job. -Out of the job of parenting. -Out of the parenting job.
Because hopefully, they're going to grow up. Gain a level of moral development and
maturity that they can actually run their own life and they're not eating
your groceries when they're 35. -We want them to be autonomous. But we want those
to happen all the way along their child development. So, when your child says, "No, I
can do my own car seat." And it's so frustrating. I've been there. It's like, I
could do this in 3 seconds." It's 5 minutes and it's going to make us all late.
But that autonomy is part of their development. We need them to develop that
autonomy. And so, just be just realized that that is our ultimate goal is for
them to have that autonomy. -Right. -And it comes in stages through their
development. -Thank you for joining us here on the channel. We have another
invitation for you. Vicki, we've put together this community
just for you as a conscious positive parent. Go to parentingpowerup.com. You
can link to it in the description or over to the side. Please join us there
where you'll find amazing resources to help you do this most important job in
the world and join a community of other conscious positive parents.