>> Stephen: MEANWHILE, SYRIA IS MAKING FOR BITTER CONFLICT,
GENERATIONAL DIVISIONS, WARRING FACTIONS-- AND THAT'S JUST IN
THE WHITE HOUSE.
YOU'LL REMEMBER ON FRIDAY-- FRIDAY-- DONALD TRUMP ORDERED A
PRECISION STRIKE IN SYRIA."
YES, A PRECISION STRIKE, BECAUSE IT HAPPENED AT THE
PRECISE MOMENT JAMES COMEY LAUNCHED HIS BOOK TOUR.
NOW, TRUMP GAVE THEM PLENTY OF ADVANCE WARNING ON TWITTER,
WHICH MIGHT BE WHY THE STRIKE "DID NOT HIT A SINGLE AIRPLANE,
AIRFIELD, OR DELIVERY SYSTEM.
THE SYRIANS HAD PLENTY OF TIME TO MOVE EQUIPMENT AND CHEMICAL
STOCKPILES, AND THE REGIME HAD EVACUATED THE TARGETS."
THAT'S HOW PRECISE THIS STRIKE WAS.
( LAUGHTER ) ANY BOMB CAN HIT SOMETHING.
BUT ONLY THE SMARTEST BOMBS CAN MISS EVERYTHING.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WHICH IS GOOD.
YOU DON'T WANT ANYBODY HURT.
I DON'T WANT ANYBODY TO BE HURT.
THE ADMINISTRATION ALSO PROMISED TO GO AFTER SYRIA'S PROTECTOR,
RUSSIA, ACCORDING TO U.N.
AMBASSADOR AND WOMAN POINTING AT THE NEXT PERSON GETTING FIRED,
NIKKI HALEY.
( LAUGHTER ) >> YOU WILL SEE THAT RUSSIAN
SANCTIONS WILL BE COMING DOWN.
SECRETARY MNUCHIN WILL BE ANNOUNCING THOSE ON MONDAY, IF
HE HASN'T ALREADY.
>> Stephen: IF THE GOAL IS TO INTIMIDATE RUSSIA, I DON'T
KNOW IF STEVE MNUCHIN IS THE GUY YOU WANT MAKING THE
ANNOUNCEMENT.
"BE VERY AFRAID.
BE VERY AFRAID.
I AM GOING TO SLAM YOU WITH SANCTIONS, AS SOON AS I FINISH
CHEWING THIS TAFFY."
( CHOKING ) "LOUISE, COME QUICK.
IT'S HAPPENING AGAIN!"
THAT'S A-- THAT'S A-- THAT'S A VERY WET IMPRESSION.
I NEED TO BE SQUEEGEED OFF AT THE COMMERCIAL BREAK.
IT TURNS OUT NO ONE MADE THE ANNOUNCEMENT, BECAUSE "TRUMP
SCRAPPED ANY NEW SANCTIONS AGAINST RUSSIA, OVERRULING HIS
ADVISERS."
WE TRIED TO GET A FOLLOW-UP FROM NIKKI HALEY, BUT IT'S SO HARD TO
REACH HER UNDER THAT BUS.
( LAUGHTER ) APPARENTLY, WHEN TRUMP SAW HALEY
ON TV SAYING RUSSIAN SANCTIONS WERE COMING, THE PRESIDENT GREW
ANGRY.
AND YOU WOULDN'T LIKE HIM WHEN HE'S ANGRY... OR ANY OTHER TIME.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
( CHEERS ) AND THIS IS NOT THE FIRST TIME
TRUMP HAS BEEN MAD AT HALEY OVER RUSSIA.
WHEN HE SAW HER CRITICIZING RUSSIA ON TV, HE STARTED YELLING
AT THE SCREEN.
"WHO WROTE THAT FOR HER?
WHO WROTE THAT FOR HER?" FUN FACT, MR. PRESIDENT: NOT
ALL WOMEN ARE UNDER LEGALLY BINDING AGREEMENTS ABOUT WHAT
THEY CAN SAY.
SOME OF THEM JUST GET TO TALK.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) TO CLEAR EVERYTHING UP, THE
WHITE HOUSE SENT OUT WHITE HOUSE ECONOMIC ADVISER AND MAN WHO
JUST REALIZED HIS TOOTHPASTE WAS SUPERGLUE, LARRY KUDLOW.
>> SHE GOT AHEAD OF THE CURVE.
SHE'S DONE A GREAT JOB.
SHE'S A VERY EFFECTIVE AMBASSADOR.
THERE MIGHT HAVE BEEN SOME MOMENTARY CONFUSION ABOUT THAT.
>> Stephen: WELL, LISTEN UP, LARRY.
YOU COME AT NIKKI HALEY, YOU BEST NOT MIS.
>> IN THE LAST HALF HOUR I WAS ABLE TO GET IN TOUCH WITH NIKKI
HALEY, AND SHE SAID, "WITH ALL DUE RESPECT, I DON'T GET
CONFUSED."
>> Stephen: NIKKI HALEY!
GOOD FOR YOU, NIKKI!
YEAH!
YOU HEAR THAT.
NIKKI HALEY DOES NOT GET CONFUSED!
EXCEPT FOR THAT TIME SHE JOINED THE TRUMP ADMINISTRATION.
NOT SURE WHAT SHE WAS THINKING, THEN.
TRUMP MAY BE ANGRY BECAUSE HE ACCIDENTALLY APPOINTED SOMEONE
COMPETENT, AND THERE ARE RAMBLINGS THAT TRUMP HAS GROWN
SUSPICIOUS OF HALLEY'S AMBITIONS, AND REPUBLICANS ARE
WHISPERING ABOUT THE PROSPECT OF AN ALLIANCE BETWEEN HALEY AND
VICE PRESIDENT MIKE PENCE, POSSIBLY TO RUN AS A TICKET
IN 2020.
THAT'S ABSURD.
MIKE PENCE CAN'T BE ON A TICKET WITH A WOMAN WHO'S NOT HIS WIFE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) HE CAN'T DO IT.
IT'S NOT RIGHT.
HE CAN'T-- IF HE EVER RUNS, IT WILL HAVE TO BE PENCE/MOTHER,
2020.
"DOES SALT COME IN MILD?" SALT IS A LITTLE SPICY FOR HIM.
SALT IS SPICY.
NOW, THE WHITE HOUSE IS ACTING TOUGH ON RUSSIA.
AFTER THE SANCTIONS WERE PULLED BACK, SARAH HUCK-A-SANDERS TOLD
REPORTERS, "THE PRESIDENT HAS BEEN CLEAR THAT HE'S GOING TO BE
TOUGH ON RUSSIA, BUT AT THE SAME TIME, HE'D STILL LIKE TO HAVE A
GOOD RELATIONSHIP WITH THEM."
YES, IT'S JUST LIKE WINSTON CHURCHILL SO FAMOUSLY SAID:
>> Stephen: WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT, EVERYBODY.
THE NEXT NEW YORK GOVERNOR, CYNTHIA NIXON, IS HERE.
TONIGHT, WE ARE ALL MIRANDAS!
BUT WHEN WE RETURN, I AM JOINED BY A SPECIAL GUEST, AND TOGETHER
WE WILL HEAL THE WORLD.
JOIN US.